The Log
by ThatReallyReallyWierdDude
Summary: "As the log takes your place, you become The Log and The Log becomes you. For a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja." As the Holy Book of Log enters Naruto's life, everything changes. LogWorshipper!Naruto Mokuton!Naruto
1. Chapter 1

You know, he was many things. He was a prankster, that's for sure. He was the unknowing and unpraised protector of millions of people…and that was just in Konoha. He was a jailor, a landlord, not that he knew. He was also a scapegoat, a punching bag, a stress relief – no stranger to pain. At times, he was a beacon of shining joy.

However, at this particular moment, Naruto felt like one big bruise.

His clothes were ripped into mere shreds of what they had been a few hours ago, his hair wet with dirty water, clogged with mud. He knew he should get up – he really should. Even with his unnatural, otherworldy healing, a hot shower always helped once the mobs attacked. However, since it was the annual 'beat on Naruto' festival, he couldn't help but wonder if he would even _find_ an apartment.

Deciding to find out, he stood up, wincing as he pulled a 6 inch glass shard out of his left hip. He barely took notice as the deep, jagged cut sealed with a nigh unnoticeable squelch, standing there for a moment as he tried to build the resolve to move.

As he looked into the glass shard, he could see his reflection, and that horror was enough motivation to get him up and yearning for a shower. He dragged himself out of the dark alley, darting into another and ignoring the pain it caused. It would be rather oxymoronic to go out in the open when countless villagers & ninjas were out for his blood, after all.

Sp he twisted through back alleys, rarely used roads & abandoned werehouses, knowing the quickest & safest way home like the back of his hand. He was about 3 blocks away from his apartment, or what little was probably remaining from it, when , with a loud resounding *THWACK* ,something slammed into his forehead, knocking him into a trash can.

Naruto had always firmly believed in the great benefits of doing nothing for the sake of nothing, procrastination with perhaps a little bit of picking yourself up inbetween. So , with that in mind, he lay on the rigid metal of the trash can, barely smelling the decaying waste due to his blood covered skin.

However, you couldn't spell Naruto without Curiosity (Please keep in mind that spelling is not his forte – not even in the top 20 strongest points), and thus, Naruto got up, stretched his back and picked up the object which had assaulted him.

It turned out to be a black, leather bound book , simply titled "The Holy Book of Log." Naruto almost laughed at the odd name – so inconspicuous, yet it changed Naruto's life.

He opened the first page, noticing that it was not made of paper (in fact, it smelled rather oddly like rice). Using what little knowledge he had of reading, he read:

"And thus I came unto thee, in a fit of blinding pain," the irony of which Naruto couldn't help just snort at, "I bring enlightenment, justice, safety and protection for thee, as I am – the Log."

Naruto sat enraptured, turning the next page, and the next, and the next, devouring the tiny black text.

Night fell, and the old man began to worry for Naruto. He had not heard from the young one all day, and while that was not an unusual occurrence, it was the 10th of October – each year, the Sandaime seemed to age 5 years on this date as he saw what horrors the villagers unleashed on the young blond boy.

Hiruzen placed his pipe back in a draw, stamping the last of his paperwork and getting up, his back creaking in protest. Deciding to call it a day, he began to search for the young blonde. He could have, perhaps, let one of his subordinates handle this, but as usual it would end in disaster. He had learnt his lesson the last times…

…The nurse replaced his blood supply with highly toxic poison. Accidental, he was assured…

…The ANBU just arrived in time when they started attacking, but unfortunately had to return to the other side of the village as he had 'forgotten' his kunai (Most likely his camera)…

…The man could not get a good hold on the bloody and beaten Naruto, so he couldn't refrain from dragging the boy across the ground, hitting a couple of metal signs and trash cans, not to mention rocks & trees on the way to the hospital…

…The med-nin had MEANT to use the Mystical Palm Jutsu, but botched up a seal, thus accidently activating a retching jutsu. Of course, no one bothered to deactivate it till poor Naruto was vomiting blood and air…

You get the point.

It took just under a minute for the wizened old man to find the blonde, the stench of blood strong in his nose. He came across Naruto sitting cross-legged, chanting a mantra.

"Praaaaaise beee to the log…savior of ninja…" The blonde intoned monotonously.

"What in the name of Kami's beard are you DOING?" The old man asked incredulously. In his surprise, he totally ignored the blood covered , filthy look.

Naruto's eyes flew open, flinching as if slapped, immediately coming to attention. "Sarutobi-jiji! I have been blessed with enlightenment!"

"…"

"I have a new object of worship!" Naruto said, before gasping. "No! Not object! Living, filled with holy life-sap."

...

"Praise be to the log! For with the log i may find peace, a never breaking bond which i will honour with my life! Kawarimi!"

And with that simple hand seal, Naruto was replaced with a log, approximately the size of a toddler. Naruto, now behind Sarutobi, ran back to his original place, taking the log and hugging it reverently. "Bless thee , for I shall always be with you, and you I!" Naruto chanted, rubbing the log affectionately. By now Hiruzen was a bit scared...this was weird, even for Naruto.

"Naruto, how did you learn Kawarimi? In fact, who taught you to even USE chakra?" Sandaime asked, still confused. Naruto merely picked up the black book which had been in his lap the whole time.

"This book is my savior, Jiji!" Naruto exclaimed. "It is teaching me the ways of the logs, veering me from the path of darkness and into the path of bountiful goodness! I have just learned the most basic of jutsus!"

"So it's a jutsu book?" Hiruzen asked, unable to make heads or tails from the situation.

"NO! It's a holy book!"

"Holy book? Naruto are you okay? Did you take any pills – I TOLD you not to smell the orphanage carer's 'sugar'!"

Naruto calmed down a bit, staring at his worried leader.

"I have never been better, for now I have the log."

"What are you going on about? WHAT IS THIS LOG?" Sandaime asked, the subject beginning to grate on his nerves.

"The log has always been with us Jiji, from the very beginning of ninja. We have a bond, forgotten and spat upon by modern ninja, yet despite this neglect the log always saves us!"

"Naruto are you talking about the Kawarimi-no-jutsu?" The aged hokage asked.

"'As the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. For a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.'" Naruto quoted reverently,"Book of The Log, Chronicle of the replacement, verse 3."

"Can I see that book, Naruto?" The Hokage asked kindly. The youth gladly supplied the book, watching as the Hokage scanned through the pages.

"Be careful Jiji- it's made of rice paper, a prime example of log preserving.

The book seemed to revolve around the role of the log in the Kawarimi no Jutsu, taking the hits for ninjas, etc. There was also several jutsu, mostly water, earth and for some reason, some mokuton. "Naruto, you can't read this book!"

"DISBELIEVER!" Naruto shrieked. "PERISH THEE! PERISH THEE AT THE HANDS OF THE LOG!"

"Naruto! Calm! This book contains several high level jutsus – you could die if you try some of these!"

"But…jiji…I must honour the bond between the Log and I! How will I do this without the Holy Instructions?"

The Sandaime pondered on the situation for a few seconds, before asking, "Naruto, you'll be entering the Academy in 2 years for the 1 year long course right?"

"If the log wills so."

"It does. Anywho, how would you like to learn how to be a ninja from now?" The Sandaime asked. He expected an explosion, back breaking hugs and happiness from the seven year old boy, however the kid just stroked the log he was holding.

Naruto was torn – excitement warred with confusion and worry – he had always wanted to become a ninja, but now he discovered, ninjas were _bad!_ They killed, hurt and mutilated logs every day…

"But Jiji! Ninja's HURT logs, taking it for granted that tree's will just…'grow'! How would you like it if I threw someone's child in the way of a fireball to save myself, and told you another kid would just grow?" Then Naruto remembered who he was talking to. "Wait , YOU'RE A NINJA! In fact, one of the _strongest_! You…you hurt logs!"

"Naruto, please, think of it this way!" The Sandaime began, attempting to placate the child. "If you become ninja, you can better protect the logs, as they protect us," he said, fighting the urge to snicker. "If you don't become a ninja, how will you harness the powers of the log – in this book, there are jutsus to plant seeds, feed seeds nutritious materials, nurture seeds, heal trees and even make trees."

"MAKE TREES?" Naruto gasped.

"Yes, make trees. However that's a bloodline limit and you most likely do not possess the ability to harness it. The point is, you won't be able to help the log in any way if you don't become a ninja!"

"Deal! But…everyone hates me!" Naruto said dejectedly, losing his upbeat attitude. "Except you of course!"

The old man began to feel happy that Naruto loved him so much, however the image was shattered as he noticed the boy looking reverently at the log in his arms. He let out a small squeak of protest.

"Oh, yeah, you too jiji."

"Anyhow, I think if i can, I'll oversee your training personally..." The Sandaime thought, thinking of what would happen if he entrusted the task with anyone else.

_...I TRIED to teach him a katon jutsu but he botched up the hand seals and it ACCIDENTALLY exploded!..._

"Really? AWESOME!" Naruto shouted. "But don't you have the boring paperwork to do?" Naruto asked.

"Yes, but, I'll leave a kage bunshin with you to teach you." The Sandaime replied.  
"Whats a kage bunshin?" Naruto asked.

"A shadow clone." The Sandaime replied, already making plans to have his clone go over jutsu theory with Naruto later.

"So why don't you leave the Kage Bunshin to do boring paperwork?" Naruto asked, confused.

...

...

...

...

"Was it something I said?" Naruto asked, confused.

"You're a genius! Oh why didn't I think of that?" The Sandaime said, ignoring the loud *PLOP* of Naruto's sweat drop. "And just for that, we can start training tomorrow!"

And so begun Naruto's journey into the world of ninja – a journey which he happily proclaimed was, "In The Name Of The Holy Log."


	2. Chapter 2

The Sandaime, with his new protege, were standing in the Sarutobi's personal, seal-protected training ground. Naruto had been worried that people would hate his Jiji for training the boy, but, the old man insisted that no one would ever find out.

Currently, the Sandaime was testing Narutos chakra capacity. Said boy sat on a large paper, complicated seals on each corner of said paper. Some would just use a jutsu and compare on how much they thought that drained them, but the _Yonbushi Chakra Ginmi_ _Fuin _(Four Point Chakra Testing Seal) could be used to find an exact estimate.

The sandaime flipped through the 17 hand seals, before touching each corner of the paper with a hand, glowing with pale blue chakra. As he touched the forth, a square shaped grey barrier, 3 metres high, surrounded Naruto.

"Now, Naruto," the Sandaime said, getting the youths attention. "Do you remember how to take out your chakra?"

"Yes! Ram seal and then pull it out!"

"Well good. I want you to take out as much as you can."

"Wait, what happens?" Naruto asked.

"This technique can give me a rough estimation of wherein your chakra capacity levels lie. It changes colour , depending on the amount of chakra, the least being green, the most being blood red."

"Ok! Here goes!"

Naruto focused, setting his hands in a Ram seal. Immediately he was surrounded with a ghostly blue outline, making the barrier turn green. Closing his eyes to better focus, Naruto pulled more out, more, more...as much as he could. He would become a strong ninja, in the name of the log!

The Sandaime's hat flew off its owners head, seemingly possessed. The harsh winds generated pulled and tugged at the Sandaime's cloak but right now he was focused on one thing.

The boy was surrounded by ghostly blue energy. It would have likely been flames, spanning for , roughly, 2 metres in every direction, but due to the barrier it went straight up in an eery blue column. _'Thank Kami for the Inpei no Fuin (Seals of Hiding)'_

The barrier rapidly streamed through a myriad of colours. Green, Turquoise, Blue, Purple, Yellow, Orange, finally stopping at blood red , leaving the sandaime was awestruck. If this was true, then this 7 year old boy had the chakra of 3 jounins!

"Alright Naruto, that will be enough!" The Sandaime exclaimed, releasing the barrier just as Naruto stopped the flow of chakra."You did excellently! That was truly amazing!" He said, answering the unasked question.

"And with this power, I will protect the log!" Naruto exclaimed, his inner zealot making itself known. "C'mon Jiji lets go learn some jutsu!"

However , 'Jiji' would not be budged. "Naruto, we will work on the basics. If you want to EVER use any of the more complicated techniques, you will need to achieve much higher levels of finesse with your chakra. You will need to learn taijutsu and genjutsu, learn to manipulate earth and water chakras...There is a long way to go. Speaking of which, i want to see something..."

The Sandaime was not originally going to do this for several years down the line but, seeing as Naruto's chakra was already so strong, it may just be possible. With that thought in mind, the sandaime pulled out a small piece of paper, giving it to Naruto, who instantly bowed his head, offering a prayer to the log which was mutilated for this purpose.

Deciding not to comment on the weird ritual, the Sandaime began instructing. "Naruto, could you please channel some chakra into the paper?"

"Hai!" At first it was difficult to channel without a seal - to which the Hokage decided that they would soon fix that - but never one to give up, after a minute of a constipated-err, concentrated looks, the paper glowed blue before giving the results.

The paper ripped in half. _'I can't believe it! This young and he already has elemental capabilities?' _The sandaime thought, awestruck. Just when he was about to announce Naruto's element, the two halves of the paper once again changed.  
One half became soggy, drooping out of Naruto's palm, falling to the floor, while the other crumbled into brown dirt.

"Wow. Naruto, you know this shouldn't be physically possible? You have 3 elements at age 7!" The Hokage said , awed.

"Awesome! Which elements?"  
"Air seems to be your most outstanding, with earth and water close behind."  
"Epic! I can help the trees and logs with my water and earth!" Naruto exclaimed. "Lets begin!"

The Professor pondered on a stray thought for a minute. _'I wonder. If the tests of the _Yonbushi Chakra Ginmi Fuin _are anything to go by then he is more than able, in fact, he is probably most suited to it. However, before I introduce it, maybe we should teach him the basics.'_

"Ok Naruto, look at these scrolls." The Sandaime said, taking out three scrolls for the young boy. Each was a taijutsu scroll, giving general discriptions, with pictures of example moves. "I know all three of those styles , so before you decide i can give you a quick example."

"But Jiji, why do you know 3 taijutsu styles?" Naruto asked, taking the first scroll, labeled _"Senkouken_ (Flash Fist)".

"Well, there are several reasons, but there are two outstanding examples. First of all, i wanted to be...flexible. I didn't want to be stuck with one style, otherwise, when there is a weakness in it which others can exploit i would be at disadvantage." He explained, Naruto's mouth forming a silent 'o'. "Aswell as that, you need to be proficient in at least 9 styles to become a Jounin, so that was a motivation. Anyhow, i see you have the flash style which revolves around pure, devastating speed and accuracy to decimate your opponent with hand-based moves. Here, I'll give you an example. _Kage Bunshin no Jutsu _(Shadow Clone Technique)_!_".

Another copy of the aged Hokage was form, the said doppelganger getting into a basic academy style. The real Hokage slipped into the Senkouken stance, before rushing to his temporary opponent.

All Naruto saw was afterimages. He blinked, and the kage bunshin had puffed in smoke. He was awed at the old man's display of speed and agility. He wordlessly opened the second scroll - titled _"Toraken _(Tiger Fist)" Without further adieu, the hokage once again made a clone.

This time the style was ruthless and brutal, strong, but fast. "This style can also be utilized with weapons." The hokage said, pulling out 6 senbon from his pocket, which he had brought specifically to show the child. He carefully arranged them on his hands, using chakra to stick them to his knuckles, once again beginning the clawing, cat like motions of the Toraken.

After the demonstration, Naruto picked out the last was labeled "_Tokuken _(Shield Fist)", a defensive style revolving around solid blocks, parrys and counters, which the hokage demonstrated again.

"So what do you want?" The Hokage asked.  
"All of them." Naruto said, but, before the Hokage could reject the idea, he said, "But i'll learn the Tokuken first, please. I don't think I'm strong enough for Toraken or fast enough for Senkouken, but i will learn them some day!"

And so began Naruto's Taijutsu training.

After three hours of training, a battered, tired, but satisfied Naruto sat down in front of a steaming cup of green tea. Under the kind visage, the Sandaime was evil, Naruto was now sure of it. That wasn't training, it was torture! For the first hour they had gotten the basics of 5 katas down, and for the next two hours, Naruto would find himself slammed face first into the ground for the smallest of mistakes. His resolve never weakened, as the Holy Log was with him the whole time.

They sipped the green tea in a comfortable silence, Naruto with "The Book of Log" infront of him the whole time.

After around 10 minutes of break, they got back to lessons. The Professor promptly got up, ripped a leaf of an acorn tree and walked back. Naruto gasped, before angrily glaring at the disbeliever. He walked up to the tree, muttering apologies and something that sounded like "Unrespectful old geezers." The blond then picked an acorn off the tree, making a small hole a few metres away to plant it, before returning to the Sandaime, who decided, for the sake of his sanity, not to comment.  
"Naruto, watch what I do and try to guess how I'm doing it." The Sandaime instructed, taking the leaf and sticking it to his forhead with chakra. Naruto squinted abit, before deciding.

"You're sticking it to you with chakra?"

"Yes, but how?"  
Naruto pondered some more. "You make a sort of suction cup? To stick it?" The old man positively beamed when the young boy got it so quickly. So, he instructed the boy to try it himself.

Naruto took the leaf, tenderly, apologizing for taking it from its family and muttering something about "Passing on to the Forest of Life" which once again, Sandaime carefully ignored.

PFFSHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The leaf flew, landing several meters away , slamming against a tree. "Sorry leaf, tree!" Naruto said, cringing sadly.

_'With such terrible chakra control I don't know HOW he managed to learn the Kawarimi in an hour. Maybe...'_

"Ok Naruto , since you have so much chakra, we'll not be doing this the conventional way." The Sandaime said, before pulling out a scroll with the kanji for _'Weight'_ on it. He chanelled some chakra into it, leaving him with a 5 kilo piece of paper in his hand. " Most start with small, light objects, getting larger to build chakra capacity, but since control is your problem, not capacity, we'll be working backwards." He explained, giving the weighted paper to Naruto, who once again apologized to the paper. The Sandaime fought the urge to smack his head. _'We may have another Maito Gai on our hands.'

* * *

_

_Out in Takigakure._

The spandex clad man was just about to punch the missing-nin, instead stopping to sneeze violently on the man's face.

_'Someone speaks of my YOUTHFULLNESS!'

* * *

_

Naruto took the paper, surprised at the weight, but nevertheless, placed it on the palm of his hand. He gathered the chakra necessary, moulding it to his will, before turning his hand over.

The weighted paper drooped slightly, holding for a second, before falling down to the floor , disgruntling the young boy.

"In the name of the Log, i will try again and again, and if i cannot finish by the end of the hour, I will stay all night trying to do it with a 20kg!" Naruto exclaimed loudly.

For some reason, the Sandaime shivered violently.

* * *

*THWACK*

The missing-nin fell to the ground, victim of one of Gai's almighty punches. The said nukenin's teammate growled, charging at the spandex clad man, planning to headbutt him in the face. The Konoha-nin just cupped his hands around his mouth, reminiscient of a Katon jutsu. The nukenin's eyes widened, already too close and too fast to escape, so he just braced himself for the impact of ...

*ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*

...the most almighty sneeze he had ever felt in his life. He flew for a couple of metres before falling again.

_'MY YOUTH IS SPREADING ON THIS YOUTHFUL DAY! I WILL LIVE UP TO THE REPUTATION OF THE YOUTHFUL ONE WHO SPEAKS OF MY YOUTH WITH FIERY YOUTHFULNESS!'

* * *

_

By the end of the hour, Naruto could keep it to his palm if he concentrated really, really hard, and even then it was unstable, falling if he got distracted. After the chakra exercise, they studied some jutsu theory, after which they studied ninja history.

"HIstoryyy?" Naruto whined. "You're KIDDING me right? We're ninja! We kick ass in the name of our friends and logs!"

Ignoring the last part, the Sandaime replied,"We must study history so as to learn from others mistakes, to see others battle tactics etcetera etcetera. Many things can be learnt. Now, if you shut your trap, we can start!" The Sandaime said cheerily. "Now the Shodaime...The Shodaime was the first Hokage of Konoha - in fact he was the one who _made _Konoha. You see all these trees? He made them."

"Don't you mean he _planted_ them Jiji?" Naruto asked.

"No. He _made_ them. He had a rare control over wood, called Mokuton."

Naruto had hearts in his eyes. "Did he worship the log?"

The Sandaime sighed, having hoped this wouldn't come up.

"He was the Log Pope."

"KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Naruto screamed girlishly. "He's my HERO!"

_'This is going to be a looooong day..."_

* * *

For the remainder of the year, that's how Naruto and the Hokage spent their days. The Hokage found himself with much more time and less stress now that he could use Kage Bunshin to deal with the least important matters, spending most of the extra time with the log worshipper.

Said worshipper of logs spent 2 hours every morning meditating in the name of the log, another 2 hours afterwards strengthening his body and conditioning his muscles, followed by a half hour relaxation session, in which Naruto showered, and read The Book of Log. Straight afterwards, the boy worked on the Tokuken for three hours, followed by 2 hours chakra control and 3 hours academics - everything ranging from maths and chemistry to ninja history and jutsu theory.

Naruto's progress was solid, dedicating his work for the Holy Log. This left Naruto with around 3 and a half hours each day to himself.

For the first half of the year, Naruto had spent this time worshipping log, planting trees and studying the Tree Anatomy so that he may some day use the _Rogu Chiyo no Jutsu _(Log Healing Jutsu). Then half way through the year he had discovered the _Henge no Jutsu _(Transformation Technique) which changed everything.

Suddenly a new boy appeared in the neighbourhood - who if anyone asked was an orphan in the orphanage. The orphanage had so many wards that if anyone asked them about a 10 year old black haired unassuming boy, they'd be able to pick loads of examples.

And so, Kuroke Kenchi came into being, doing odd jobs in his spare time for those who couldn't be bothered to hire for D-Rank missions. Weeding, painting fences, babysitting...The only one who knew of Naruto's second persona was the Hokage himself, who even redirected some D-Rank missions for the young boy. Needless to say the said boy not only gained alot of extra pocket money (most of which he used to buy seeds or save), but he also gained alot of chakra control from keeping up a constant henge for several hours at a time.

And so approached Beat-on-Naru day. But this time, Naruto thought of it as a test of his ninja skills. Throughout the whole day, anyone searching for Naruto to vent some pent up frustration would find them ruthlessly attacked with paintfilled baloons.

At around 6, Naruto went to visit the Hokage in his secret Sarutobi training area while a Kage Bunshin gave the annual speech for the Kyuubi walked into the grassy clearing to find a small table, with two chairs on either side. On the table was a variety of food prepared by the Sarutobi household servants - even though they weren't told who for. Oh, and everything was log shaped.

The sandwiches looked like two halfs of a log, with brown dyed fillings - ranging from the meaty to the cheesy. There were small, sweet rolls and buns, shaped like logs, cups which looked like hollow logs and a cake, shaped like, of course, a log.

"AWESOME!" Naruto screamed. "Thanks jiji!"

The two of them chatted for a while, before beginning to eat.

"Itadakimasu!" The old hokage said, grabbing a logburger.  
"I thank the Holy Log for blessing me with the food infront of us, and in it's name I eat!" Naruto exclaimed, taking a logcupcake. They both enjoyed the food, Naruto just happy that his jiji - with whom his bond had strengthened tenfold in the last year - had thought to throw him a party when he could be enjoying his time with other adults.

Said Hokage pulled out 8 candles - all shaped like twigs , of course - and impaled them into the cake, lighting them.

"Make a wish!" Sarutobi instructed, before Naruto blew out the candles, allowing the hokage to cut it up and give him several slices of what seemed to be log-chocolate-cake."Now, presents!" The Hokage said happily.

Naruto's eyes widened, having not expected such a thing. He allowed himself to be lead away from the table to a tree in the corner. The sandaime brought chakra to his right hand, tapping 15 hidden spots on the tree, finally, pulling down a branch (a disguised lever) and allowing some blood to spill on one of the leaves. With a grinding sound, the "tree" sunk into the ground, leaving a hole with a ladder descending down.

"After you," The Sandaime said to Naruto, who climbed down the ladder followed by the aged hokage.

He walked into a dark corridor - dark until the Sandaime activated torches with a burst of Katon chakra on each - which stopped at a dead end with a door at either side. Naruto looked up questioningly, to which the Hokage said "Pick."

Going with his left side, Naruto opened the door, finding himself in a large room filled with all manners of weapons and armours from all over the elemental countries. Naruto was left awestruck.

"Jiji this is all amazing but, why are you showing me it?" Naruto asked puzzled.

"For your birthday...pick 3! One weapon, and 2 of whatever else you want, and i'll teach you how to use them since I think you're mature enough to use weapons now."

"THANK YOU JIJI!" Naruto said, squeezing the old man.

"Need...breath..." 'Jiji' said, breathing heavily as he was released. Naruto was running around frantically, trying to choose.  
It took some time but eventually Naruto chose. He came back to the Hokage with some lightweight stealth boots with chakra conductive soles and tips, a pair of fingerless black gloves, reinforced with threads of chakra conducting Obenite Ore to protect his hands and possibly be of use in some jutsus and - his final choice really confused the old man - a jet black whip, 2 metres long, with an ivory handle.

"Why the whip, Naruto?"

"There was an instruction manual next to it!" Naruto said, pulling out the said paper (and apologizing to the log which was mutiliated for it).

"So? You do know whips are very very hard to use and can be complicated? A sword would be much easier."

"I know!" Naruto said. "Look!" The blond chanelled chakra into the handle, a blue kanji glowing. With a snapping sound, the whip became a double sided cross between a staff and a spear.

"Ahh its that whip! My grandfather, Sarutobi Sasuke wielded it. I hope you'll honour his memory."  
"I will, Jiji! This is the best birthday EVER!"

"It's not over yet. Come!" 'Jiji' said cheerily, exiting the door, closely followed by a hurrying Naruto. They entered the other door, finding themselves in a huge library full of scrolls. "This is the Sarutobi Library. Pick 5 jutsu and i'll teach them to you - but if they're higher than B-Rank then it'll have to wait till later on this year."

Naruto...for lack of a better word...squealed. This was heaven to his 8 year old mind.

Once again, it took some time before Naruto could choose, but eventually he came back holding 5 scrolls.

"What did you choose?" Sarutobi asked kindly. The Uzumaki child began to read his choices.  
"Fuuton: Kazekei (Wind Release:Wind Whip), Doton: Tsuchi Bouei (Earth Release : Earthen Protection), Suiton: Jinsoku Tama (Water Release : Rapid Shot), Fuuton:Chikirinuki Renda (Wind Release: Thousand Cuts Barrage) and finally, Doton: Shinju Zanshu no Jutsu."

"You have quite the fanatism for Elemental jutsu." The Sandaime comment.

"No! My fanatism is all for The Holy Log. Anyway THANK YOU SO MUCH! This has been the best birthday EVER!"

"I have one last present for you Naruto. I'm going to teach you ... the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Naruto gasped. "REALLY?"

Thanks to his Ninjutsu theory , he knew all about the training capabilities and was well aware of the possibilities , especially with his chakra capacity.

"Anyway, the handsigns for the kage bunshin is..." The Sandaime began as they left the storage area.

"Specific to the jutsu! I know i know I've been begging you to teach me this for a year remember?"  
"Well...go on then, give it a go!" Sandaime encouraged.

_"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"_

For a second, the world was smoke. Smoke in every direction, an unpenetrable haze, hiding the much awaited results.

And the results did not dissapoint - if anything, they left the two REAL people there ecstatic.

Naruto was everywhere. On trees, on the Sarutobi household - It was as cramped as a KFC chicken pen. Clones were EVERYWHERE - A mass of blindingly bright orange jackets and blond mobs of hair. The best thing was that, Naruto hadn't even broken a sweat.

"Naruto...how many clones do you think you just made?"

"I think...around maybe...700..."Naruto said, estimating in his head. Sarutobi's jaw dropped. 700 clones? For an eight year old? "Well i think thats enough for today. You can dispell them."

"No." Naruto replied, before Sarutobi could talk, he turned to his clones. "You! 100 of you go do chakra control exercises!" He ordered, pointing to a bunch on his left.

"Hai, boss!" They replied, running off to some obscure training ground.

"You! Yes the 250 on my left! Split into groups of 50 and practice each of these jutsu!"

"Hai, boss!" They replied. Since all the objects on person got replicated too, they found the five scrolls in their pockets.

Before ordering the next batch, Naruto turned to the stunned Hokage for permission. "Can I use your library? The normal one?"  
"Err...sure..."

"You! 20 of you go to Jiji's library and study everything you can get your hands on. Now the last 300 or so...Hmm..."

"Dispel one by one!" Jiji shouted. "You've already got alot of clones out there, probably going to train until their chakra finishes, so best not to overdo it. Now, off you go Naruto! See you here tomorrow, 7AM sharp!"

"Hai, Jiji-sensei!" Naruto turned to leave, sprinting away, but stopping at the edge of the training field. "And Jiji?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you. For everything. May the Log be with you!"

That night, when he got home, Naruto summoned another 50 clones to begin the first jutsu in the Book of Log. With the _Suiton: Junsei Mizu no Jutsu _(Water Release: Pure Waters Technique), he would be able to feed and grow saplings with pure, clear spring water!

* * *

There you go, second chapter of "The Log"

Heh i just noticed, Kuroke Kenchi means Black Haired Point of View. I think.

I don't KNOW any japanese, i just use random translators and hope it still looks macho =P


	3. Chapter 3

"And that's how you throw a kunai!" The Sandaime finished, pointing at the steel weapon firmly embedded - bullseye- into the target. And with the end of that explanation, Narutos weapon training begun.

While Naruto repeatedly threw the kunai at the leather, foam filled target, Sandaime pondered the _start_ of the explanation.

_*Flashback*_

_Naruto shut the "Holy Book of Log", walking over to the range training side of the field. He found the Sandaime already sitting there, a bunch of kunai on his lap._

_"Ahh Naruto!" He exclaimed. "Today we start weapon training. I know you want to learn the whip, spear-staff and such but first you must learn the basics. Flashy movements when throwing kunai are unnecesary and often will just ruin the aim and speed." He explained picking up a kunai. Naruto let off a strangled shriek when he threw it with a flick of his wrists, slamming into the vaguely-human shapped mannequin up front._

_"HIRUZEN SARUTOBIIIIIIII!" Naruto screamed angrily. "THE LOGS!"_

_*End Flashback*_

Needless to say, the Hokage soon found a sufficient replacement.

By the end of the hour, Naruto could hit a target bullseye 3/10 times, and hit the target 7/10 times. Needless to say he needed work - because a ninja would rarely be stationary when throwing kunai.

"Naruto!" Sarutobi called. "Time for a spar! _Kage Bunshin no Jutsu _(Shadow Clone Technique)!"  
The Kage Bunshin only had 40% strength, but that was still more than enough, and such, Sarutobi still had to pull his punches.

"Hai, Sensai!" Naruto chanted, getting into his Tokuken style. "_Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"_

A dozen clones appeared, about to charge the Hokage's clone, who simply flipped through handseals. _"Katon: Kaen Kasui! _(Fire Release: Flame Stream). Instantly, a stream of flame slammed into the clones, dispelling them. It was about to hit Naruto, who hesitantly used his own jutsu.

_"Kawarimi!"_

Naruto stared in horror at the blackened log which had saved him from the jutsu, sending a silent prayer of sorrow and thanks to it. The Hokage was about to attack again, but Naruto solemnly held up a hand to stop him.

"Jiji what rank was that Jutsu?"  
"B-Rank. Why?"  
Naruto didn't answer, instead opting to make a clone. Said clone took a pen and paper out of Naruto's pocket, before running to a table to begin writing.

"Naruto what is he doing?"

"Writing a 1500 word apology to the log, before burying it with a new seed so that it may reborn. "When using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is Konohan custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still reccommended.'" Naruto explained, quoting the Log excerpt number 124.

"Naruto...thats not Konohan custom, though..." Sandaime said quietly.

"WELL IT SHOULD BE!" Naruto screamed, before calming down. "I've already accepted you as a disbeliever, so let us just continue."

They got back into their stances, Naruto staying in place. The Sandaime rushed at him, attacking fiercely.

Naruto ducked the roundhouse kick, jumped away from the heel kick, blocked the thrust to his stomach and slapped away the punch aimed at his face. He knew for a fact that if the Sandaime had gone full on , then even with a Kage Bunshin then he'd already be dead.

Once again the Sandaime attacked. High punch, low kick, scissor kick, uppercut, left hook...they danced a dance of taijutsu, one on the defensive, one on the attack.

Pain blossomed in the blondes jaw as the Hokage's foot collided with his face. He was sent flying, but drawing on the vigorous lessons of "How to fall", he backflipped in the air, regaining his bearings.

He was already going through handseals, albeit quite slowly due to his vast inexperience with jutsu. _"Fuuton: Kazekei!" _The wind began to form around his arm, lengthening to a whip, before spluttering out.

"Damnit!"

They fought a bit some more, the Sandaime mainly testing Naruto's taijutsu skills. By the end of the sparring session, he guessed that Naruto was maybe B-Rank with his Tokuken, but still needing alot of work in it's offensive areas - it WAS a defensive style but there was still lots of offensive moves which Naruto had yet to master.

For the past year, they had done nought but chakra control when it came to jutsus , thus Naruto was, at least, genin level there. A far shot better than the rubbish he was working with before, though. With that in mind, the Sandaime decided to start Naruto's elemental training.

"Naruto, make 150 clones please." The Sandaime asked, before making three of his own. Each of his three clones took 50 of Narutos to a corner to teach them elemental manipulation. It wasn't actually _mandatory_ to learn it , but once you did it would make using such jutsu a lot easier.

"Naruto, we need to work on the speed at which you make hand seals. Right now you're slow, very very slow." Naruto pouted at the degrading comment, but decided that, in the name of the Holy Log, he would not complain. Just as he was about to begin, he heard a shout.

_"WE WILL NOT BE CUTTING LEAVES IN HALF! HOLY LOG SANDAIME!"_  
Naruto began to glare at his teacher, who gulped nervously. But what could they use instead of leaves? Naruto would whine just as much about papers...Ah well, he'd just have to put up with some whining.

He went up to the wind element training group, the real Naruto glaring holes in his back the whole time, before instructing his clone to take out the 50 papers he had sealed in a scroll.

All the Narutos were about to scream when the Kage tried to hand it out, but a hand from the real deal silenced them.

"These are not real papers, just shadow cloned ones! It's ok to practice on them..." He said before leaving.

The clones still didn't like it, but decided that if the Log needed him to learn this power to protect it, he would learn it!

After the days training was over, Naruto got into a meditative position. He recited some passages from the Holy book of Log for a bit, before he sent a clone to tell his _other_ clones - which had been training with the elements for a good 9 hours or so now - to dispel one by one.  
Clearing his mind, Naruto carefully organized and reviewed all the information that was sent to him. Ahh, no significant progress in water or earth, but wind...

He took a paper out of his pocket, praying that the log which was mutilated for this purpoise go to the forest of life - however also knowing that it would be one more ninja not saved by the log!

He focused his chakra, covering the slip of paper with both hands. He tried to grind the chakra into a sharp edged wind, before guiding it to ravage the paper. A small tear appeared in it but otherwise, he knew he still had a lot of work to do. Of course he hadn't expected it to work straight away , but 9 hours with 50 clones - 450 hours! He felt that should have born some fruit!

He then tried to drench the paper in water, but could do no more than make a small corner wet. He quickly moved on to Doton, scooping up a handful of mud, trying to control it with his mere chakra. That failed too.

The Sandaime , only a few metres away, saw Narutos disappointment, decided to explain. "Naruto, listen...what you're doing now is not necessary at all. In fact its one of the two steps for _making_ new jutsu, not just _using_ them."

"Huh?"

"What i mean is that, right now, you could still learn the Fuuton: Kazekei (Wind Release: Wind Whip.) without this training."

"Okay but...i don't really get it."

The Sandaime pondered a bit , before talking again," Ok, think of this analogy - Let's say, someone didn't know how to eat with chopsticks, and you had to teach them. If learning a wind jutsu was teaching them to _eat_ with chopsticks, then doing what you've been practicing is learning to _make_ chopsticks."

"Oh i get it! So after I learn how to do this properly, then I can make jutsu?"

"Yes but you'd also need to be able to shape the chakra as you want it to be. You might be able to generate the cutting winds but if you , say, wanted to make a jutsu which throws a wind spear, you'd have to be able to shape the chakra correctly."  
"Oh!" Naruto said happily. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

200 clones popped into existence. Naruto immediately directed 150 to work on elemental manipulation, 50 for each element, while the other 50 were instructed to learn chakra control - however before they could do so, the Sandaime decided to teach them a new method. He ushered for the clones - and the original to follow him to the largest tree in the training ground, planted and nurtured specifically for this purpose - a good 20 metres high and a thick, 1 1/2 metre diameter.

"I will now teach you the art of tree-walking. You must focus a specific amount of chakra on to your feet to allow you to climb - which is hard enough, but too much and you will repel off, too little and you will fall. Which reminds me," The Kage said, pulling out a scroll. He gathered some chakra, sending it in, before saying _"Kuchiyose: Shuuron Kushon no Jutsu _(Summoning Technique: Training Cushioning)"

Instantly, heavily cushioned foam filled training mats appeared, which the clones arranged around the tree - if one clone popped for every mistake, then the Sandaime suspected the 50 clones would last approximately...50 seconds.

"Anyhow young man, let your clones train and don't forget to do meditation when they dispel! Don't want to wake up to find you in the hospital, comatized."

"Hai, sensei! Goodnight , Jiji!" Naruto said, before making his way to his home.

It was only just 6pm - a good amount of light was left in the sky and people were still up and about, working. Naruto ignored all the glares, whistling a merry tune as he walked through the streets. _'Oooh I can't wait to begin making jutsus! I'll kick ass and take names, protecting logs all day lon-'_

However , Narutos thoughts were cut off by a shrill scream of "MY BABY!". He looked to the source, finding a 4 year old girl walking in the middle of the road to get her ball - right in the path of a speedily approaching horse-drawn carriage. The rider, horse, mother and toddler all looked horrified , waiting for the imminent crash.

*BOOM*  
And crash it did. The sound of horses hooves smacking flesh could be heard, the carriage smashing into pieces at the sudden resistance, the riders - an important noble couple - being sent flying out the back. The little toddler screamed in what seemed to be agony, the smoke covering all from the view. The mother started sobbing , a nearby store clerk coming to comfort her.

The smoke cleared, everyone expecting to find the mangled body of a 4 year old , blood and all, but however were treated to a different sight.

Valiantly covering the young girl with his own body was an eight year old blonde boy - whom everyone recognised as the demon. The little girl escaped from the iron grip, running to her mother, who was now sobbing happily, hugging the girl. Said mother looked up at the impromptu savior, who was now getting up, dusting himself off.

"Th...Thank you, so much!" She said. "You saved my baby girl!"

"Oh...it...it was nothing." Naruto said, looking at the woman she had saved. Wide, white Hyuuga eyes stared back at him. "Oh wait you're form the Hyuu...y..."

The last thing he heard was a gasp, before everything went black.

* * *

When Naruto woke up, he found himself in a dripping area reminiscient of a sewer. He was standing in water - up to his ankles - but he didn't actually feel wet at all, it just felt like walking through water while covered in Vaseline.

A large, metal-barred cage quickly drew his attention. A paper, on which was written _'Seal' _was stuck next to the bars, from which a very evil intent seemed to be radiating. Naruto walked straight up to the source of evil.

He was treated with an eyeful of dark, menacing red eyes, sharpened teeth , a somehow evil looking snout and...

_'Bunny ears?' _Naruto said outloud, his voice echoing. A horrible, breathtaking roar was the reply, a monstrous, 40 foot fox coming into view.

_**"BUNNY EARS?"**_It screamed. _**"BUNNY EARS? HOW DARE YOU, PUNY MORTAL! IF IT WEREN'T FOR THIS DAMNED CAGE, I'LL GUT YOU AND HANG YOU BY YOUR TESTACLES!"**_

Naruto winced at the less-than-welcome image, before turning back to the large cage. _'Eesh, say it, don't spray it.'_

He was treated with another roar, a large, red paw slamming into the front of the cage, as if to attack Naruto. _'Hoosah my friend! Calm down!'_

**"Grrr..."**

_'So, who are you?'_ Naruto asked.

**"I? Who am **_**I**_**?" **The fox-like creature asked. **"I am the King of the Demons, the most Terrifying Sinister Thing Known to Man, able to flatten mountains and conjure hurricanes with a simple thought. I've killed millions without a second thought – indeed, without even a first. I lurk in human's nightmares, wa-"**

_'But you have Bunny ears.' _Naruto pointed out, eliciting an angry growl.

"**BOY! YOU ARE TALKING TO THE IMMORTAL, INVINCIBLE KYUUBI NO YOKO! HOW _DARE_ YOU! I'LL SMASH YOU TO A PULP!"** The fox threatened.

_'Pff, smash me to a pulp? I'm still waiting to be gutted and hung by my testicles. Besides, the Log will save me!' _Before Kyuubi could retort, Naruto caught on to something. _'Wait, you're the Kyuubi? So what the hell are you doing here? Where in the name of the Holy Log ARE we?'_

"**We are in your mindscape, puny human."**

_'Haha, I really do have a mind like a sewer. And if you're any indication, thoughts like sewage._ _So, what are you doing in my mind? Have a habit of jumping peoples thoughts, or has my mind just constructed you?'_

The Kyuubi growled at the sewage barb. **"Careful what you say, impudent whelp. I can make your life hell - and I've killed for less. But******** r**est assured puny mortal, I am the 100% real Kyuubi, in the flesh...err, chakra. Anyway I'm not here 'cause I WANT to be here. I'm here because that infernally idiotic blond haired kage sealed me into your stomach. The only thing that kept me sane is knowing that he's in eternal torment with the Shinigami."

_'W-w-w-wait! Y-you're sealed in ME? My STOMACH?'  
_Then, Naruto fainted.

* * *

He woke up again , seeing white, thinking he was hallucinating or something. Then the strong smell of disinfectant filled his nostrils, and he knew he was hospitalized.

"Naruto, nice to see you finally awake!" The Hokage said from a plastic chair to his right. "Rather heroic of you. Aged eight and you're already saving princesses!"

"Princesses?" Naruto asked dully, still waking up.

"Yes! You saved Hyuuga Hanabi, youngest daughter of the clan head Hiashi. Quite a feat young man, I'm sure the Holy Log would be proud."

"Really?" Naruto said, positively beaming.

"Yes! Now the doctor says I should leave you to rest, so I'll see you later. We won't continue training till tomorrow – you took quite the beating! Broken ribs, permanent scars...Anyway, bye Naruto-kun!"

The Hokage turned to leave, and just as he got to the door, Naruto spoke up, causing the Hokage to freeze and nearly laugh.

"Did you know the Kyuubi has bunny ears?" Naruto asked accusingly. The Sandaime stifled a chuckle, knowing the situation did not call for it, carefully locking the door and sealing it shut aswell as using a small jutsu to prevent prying ears...and eyes. "Is that why everyone hates me? Am I really a monster? A demon?"

"No!" Sandaime gasped. "Don't ever think that! You are a perfectly fine specimen of a human ninja-to-be!"

"But Jiji..."

"Would an evil, fearsome demon be a log worshipper?"

"No! That's absurd!"

"Would an evil , fearsome demon forgive thousands of villagers for constant abuse?"

"Definitely not."

"Would an evil , fearsome demon save a little girl from impending doom, using themselves as a shield?"

"Hell no!"

"Thus, you are not an evil, fearsome demon!"

"But...why me?" Naruto asked. "Why did he seal it in me?"

"Well, Naruto..." The Sandaime sighed. He couldn't really say the true reason..."We could spend our whole lives saying, 'Why me', and 'What If', but what good would that do. It's best just to prove yourself better, stronger than the problems you face. Prove to everyone that you are _not_ the Kyuubi, but a faithful ninja protecting Konoha and the Holy Logs!"

Naruto cheered up at the pep talk before a knocking sound on the door got his attention. "Jiji, someone's tryna get in. Y'should unseal it now."

The Sandaime did just that, and in walked Hyuuga Hiashi, his wife Hyuuga Hikage, with their two daughters, Hanabi and Hinata.

"Ahh Naruto - I'd like to introduce you to the Hyuuga Clan head, Hiashi, his wife, Hikage, and his two daughters, Hanabi and Hinata."

"Oh..er..." Naruto stuttered at his impromptu visit. "Hiashi-sama, Hikage-san, err, hi!"

"I'll leave you alone now." Sandaime said, leaving.

"So...what brings you here?" Naruto asked.  
"We wanted to thank you for saving my daughter, Hanabi," Hiashi begun, the epitome of stoicism. "The Hyuuga clan owe you a Life Debt as of today – ask of anything and we will try to fulfill your wish."

"Yes thank you so so much for saving my daughter, Naruto-kun!" Hikage said happily. "I can only imagine what would have happened had you not been there."  
The Kyuubi chose that exact moment to show a mental picture of a mangled little girl, ripped into pieces, head rolling down the walk way. Naruto shuddered, eliciting confused looks from his visiters.

"Yea Naruto! Thanks for saving me!" Hanabi said excitedly. Hiashi frowned at this obvious display of emotions, so beneath a Hyuuga, but let it pass since Hanabi would only just start her training in a few weeks.

"Th-th-thanks for s-saving h-her, N-naruto. I d-don't know what I-I w-would have done h-had she ..." Hinata said, prodding her fingers together.

"Enough of that," The Hyuuga clan head said," So Naruto, what would you like, so we may settle this life debt?"  
Let it not be said that Hyuuga Hiashi was without honour.

Naruto thought for a minute. What did he really want? He had a trainer, a jiji, weapons, the Holy Log...

"I...I want..." Naruto said quietly, barely heard ," I want a friend."

"_**Oh how very cliché. Honestly that's like, so cheesy!"**_ the Kyuubi commented in the back of his mind. Naruto frowned, deciding to bring the subject up with the Hokage later.

"Well, Sorry to say Nar-" Hiashi begun, but was cut off by his wife.

"-ruto that we can give you exactly what you need." The Hyuuga patriarch glanced questioningly at his wife , who mouthed _'I'll explain later.'_ "In fact, why don't you come have dinner with us on Friday, maybe play with Hinata and Hanabi for abit?"

"S-Sure!" Naruto said, before turning to the two daughters in question. "Hello! I'm Naruto!" He said, having not introduced himself. The two girls giggled. "What time should I come?"

"I think around 4pm would be suitable," Hiashi answered,"Giving ample time for you to..._play,_" he spat out the last word in mild disgust, but knew that without balance his daughter would end up like Hinata, a big, huge failure. "with my daughters before and after the dinner. Hikage, let us go, leave the girls here to get to know him for a bit. We will come to pick them up in an hour." And with that the two adults left.

"Did you get any scars?" Hinata asked eagerly. Something told Naruto that this was not normal, but he decided to indulge the girl. He lifted up his shirt , turning around to show the red, swollen skin. Two hoof-prints could be seen, aswell as several deep cuts from shrapnel and the sharp edges of the horses hooves. Hanabi winced.

"Wow. You took so much to save me. Thank you , Naruto-kun!" Hanabi squealed, hugging the blonde. "I can't wait till you come over. It's gonna be so fun!"  
"Eh...c...can't...br..."

Seeing his blue face, Hinata decided to step in, pulling the young girl off her.

"So Naruto..." Hinata asked shyly," W-What do you d-do in your spare time?"

"Oh! Mostly I train to be a ninja." Naruto replied. "Are you going to be a ninja?"

"Of course! What type of Hyuuga does not become a ninja?" Hanabi scoffed.  
"Have you started your training Hinata?" Naruto asked.

"Yes I did, last year. B-but..." She said, regaining her shyness. "I-I'm w-weak..."

"Pfft!" Naruto said. "I bet you could kick my butt any day!" Hinata smiled, while Hanabi just scoffed.

"So what else do you do Naruto-kun?" Hanabi asked her saviour.

"I worship the Holy Log!"

*PLIP* *PLOP*

Hanabi and Hinata sweat dropped, staring at Naruto who was holding up a black leather-clad book, aptly titled "The Holy Book of Log."

"Err...you worship logs?" Hanabi asked.

"As in like, the inanimate, dead logs?" Hinata added.

* * *

The Sandaime, watching the scene with his telescopic crystal ball, couldn't help but chuckle. Ahh the girls were just _asking_ for it!

* * *

"No! THEY'RE ALIVE! FILLED WITH HOLY LIFE SAP!"

The two girls just stared at the weird boy. "Naruto, what are you talking about?" Hinata asked, forgoing her stutter in favor for the worry for the boys sanity.

"The logs that save ninja everyday! The bond between us is unbreakable."

More sweatdrops.

"'And as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. Blackened and charred, the log crumbled. The ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. He made his way to the log, and wept. His companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. He spoke thus to his fallen companion: "Though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. The forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. I thank you my friend.'" Naruto quoted reverently.

"N-Naruto-kun , are y-you talking about th-the k-kawarimi?"

"_**If that stupid creature does not stop her infernal stuttering I will RIP HER TONGUE OUT and use it to SLAP SOME SENSE IN TO HER!"**_ Kyuubi raged.

"EXACTLY!" Naruto said , zealot mode. "All hail the Holy Log!"

"ALL HAIL!" Hanabi shouted, having read the first paragraph.

* * *

Walking back home, Hiashi shivered. He didn't know why but he felt something terrible had been unleashed.

* * *

The girls and Naruto kept chatting for a bit, though Hanabi mainly read the Holy book of Log. Deep inside , Naruto was feeling ecstatic, said feeling of ecstasy disgusting his tenant. Eventually, Hiashi and Hikage came to collect the children. They bade their farewells, Hanabi with a vigorous "May the Log be with you!"

Later on, Hiashi would remember this as they day where everything went wrong with his youngest daughter.

* * *

The next day – a Thursday filled with training – Naruto's Jiji took him shopping.

_Flashback_

"But there's nothing WRONG with my orange jumpsuit!" Naruto complained.

"Going to the strongest clan in the village with an orange jumpsuit would be a plain insult, especially if you want to play with their heiress." The Sandaime explained patiently.

"But...the orange..."

"The Holy Log wants you to have friends, Naruto!" Sandaime said pleadingly. "I'm sure Hinata would like you much more without the orange jumpsuit."

Naruto blushed furiously. "WITH other clothes on." The Hokage corrected quickly.

"Well...if the Holy Log says so..." Naruto said uneasily. "Lets go!"

_End Flashback_

Naruto found the whole experience surreal, having little to none experience to shops that didn't kick him out. Well, they didn't kick Kuroke Kenchi out, did they?  
Anyhow, Naruto – with funds from his ever-benevolent jiji- ended up purchasing 3 posh kimonos, each with the same swirling design (Which he found out was based on Uzushiogakure) . One was a vivid cerulean, the other black, and the last, of course orange. He also bought a grey training gi, aswell as a black shuzoku, a set of training kunai and shuriken,and lastly visited the gardening store and bought a hell of a lot of seeds.

The next day they stopped training at 3pm so Naruto could get ready for his visit. He ran back home – this time with no carriage crashing incidents – showered, got ready and walked to the Hyuuga Mansion, arriving 5 minutes early.

He was greeted to the sight of a _huge_ mansion in the center of a complex full of dojos, gardens, kitchens, houses... He walked up to the gate, to the nearest white-eyed guard.

"Hello..." Naruto began, "I have a visit with Hyuuga Hiashi and his family. If it's not a bother, could you please show me where I should go?" He asked politely.

"Sure," the white-eyed guard replied. He led Naruto straight to the biggest mansion, dropping him off at the door.

"Thanks, Hyuuga...?"

"Hyuuga Hippo,"

"Hippo. Bye!" Naruto watched for a bit as the Hyuuga trailed away, before turning around to knock.

Instantly, the door opened, revealing Hinata – in a white kimono embroidered with light pink rose designs- and Hanabi -in a green kimono covered in designs of logs.

"Hello Hanabi-chan, Hinata-chan!" Naruto greeted cheerily. "Hanabi your kimono is to DIE for! The Holy Log would approve!"

"Thank you Naruto-kun!" The four year old replied. Hinata appraised Naruto's cerulean kimono. Perfectly matched his eyes!

"You look v-very nice too, N-Naruto-kun!" She replied. "H-How is y-your injury?"

"Oh its all healed up! Doctors said I'd have permanent scarring but, pfft, Adults, what do they know?"

Hiashi and Hikage chose that exact time to reveal themselves , ushering all the children in. They exchanged greetings , had some tea, before going out in the garden to play a bit. 4 o'clock quickly became 5 o'clock, and before the children knew it they were settling down in a large, lace-covered table.

The idle chit-chat resumed as food was served by servants, which Naruto found it absolutely delicious, but managed to retain the small amounts of etiquette and manners which the Sandaime, Teuchi and Ayame had been trying to beat into him for a long time.

After dinner they sat in the dining room, each holding fine china cups full of mint tea. Hikage had insisted that the children not play straight after eating as they'd become sick (Though, Naruto unhelpfully pointed out that _he_ never got sick – to which Hikage replied curtly that there were other people to worry about. Naruto had the decency to look abashed.)

"So, Hinata how's your training?" Naruto asked , sipping his tea. Hiashi frowned, dismissing the idea that Naruto was trying to find out about the Hyuuga clans fighting techniques.

"Oh it's good." Hinata replied, absently sipping her tea. Hanabi sat next to her sister, devouring the Holy Book of Log.

"So Naruto, I hear you are planning to become a ninja?" Hikage asked.

"Yep! First step on my way to Hokage!"  
"Oh?" Hiashi asked. "Have you begun to train?"

"Oh yeah, I've been at it for a year now."  
"Who teaches you?" Hanabi asked innocently.

_'Crap'_ Naruto thought,_'I can't tell anyone it's jiji because everyone will hate him...hmm...but I don't know anyone really...I can't make anyone up...'_

"Well I mostly teach myself! I learned some stuff from the Holy Book of Log, and I sometimes ask Jiji for scrolls or help." Naruto replied, half sincere. Technically, he _did_ teach himself the Kawarimi and some jutsu from the Holy Book of Log, he _had _asked the Sandaime for help and scrolls – thus he wasn't outright lying.

"B-but N-Naruto-kun..." Hinata said shyly. "I d-don't want to o-offend you b-but I thought y-you had no l-living..."

Seeing her obvious discomfort and worry that she would hurt his feelings, Naruto spoke up. "Oh no, don't worry, no offense taken. Er, by Jiji I meant the Hokage – he's always been nice to me, even when no one else was, kind of like a kind grandfather to me."

Everyone was kind of stunned, but got over it quickly.  
"ALL HAIL THE HOLY LOG!" Hanabi suddenly shouted.

"HAIL THE LOG, PROTECTOR OF SHINOBI!" Naruto replied faithfully.

"Pray, tell, what is this 'Holy Log'?" Hiashi asked, fighting the urge to sneer.

"The Holy Log protects us!" Naruto said.

"It has been with us from the start of time, never abandoning us! Modern ninja have forgotten this ancient bond but still the Log protects us!" Hanabi added.

"What?" Hikage asked.

"The Great Log is with us all the time," Naruto said sagely, "Give thanks to Log, for tis Log that you will call upon in your gravest instant of need. The Log will save you even if you don't want it, for Log is not petty. The log will protect all shinobi, so tis better to give the appreciation that Log rightfully deserves."

"Where did you get _that_ from?" Hiashi asked, gradually worrying for his youngest daughter's sanity.

"Chronicles of the Log Ninja Zuzvaiyo!" Hanabi asked. "Paragraph 7!"

"So you worship logs?" Hikage asked.

"Yes!" Both Naruto and Hinabi replied.

"The dead, chopped up, ex-tree logs?"

"NO!" Hanabi protested.

"Filled with Holy Life Sap!"

The two parents groaned.

"I s-still don't get it." Hinata admitted, worried about her sister and new friend.

"He despaired," Hanabi began to quote,"for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. Reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland- and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none."

"Wanderers saga, verses 7-9," Naruto added to the sweat-dropping Hyuugas.

"Are you two talking about...the Kawarimi?" Hiashi asked carefully.

"YES! EXACTLY!" They both answered.

* * *

_Later that day_

"Ahh Hiashi!" The Sandaime greeted as the clan head walked in. "I was just about to leave, but I'm sure I can make time for whatever troubles you. Sit, sit."

The clan head took a seat, facing Konoha's leader.

"So how was Naruto's visit? I hope he did not cause any trouble." The Sandaime asked.

"Trouble? TROUBLE?" Hiashi shrieked, before regaining his stoic, calm visage. "The boys insanity clouds him like a miasma and he is already infecting my daughters mind! People have worshipped demons, gods, idols, statues, even _fairies_, but a log? He is truly and utterly out of his mind."

The Sandaime got up, making his way out. Before he left, he turned around and patted the Hyuuga clan on the head. "Don't worry, it will all get better." Wanting to rile up the stoic man, the Hokage also added, "For the log is with us!"

The resulting shriek scared birds off for miles.

* * *

**Ok, 5343 words. Filled the chapterly quota of 5000 :D  
The quote of "Give thanks to Log, for tis Log that you will call upon in your gravest instant of need. The Log will save you even if you don't want it, for Log is not petty. The log will protect all shinobi, so tis better to give the appreciation that Log rightfully deserves." was taken from the review of ZusVaiyo. I hope he doesn't mind :D**

**Speaking of which I dedicate this chapter to THEKyuubi27, desphere, Djinn Crimsora, nobother, Garuda 1 Talisman, ZusVaiyo and of course, the Holy Log.**

**May the Holy Log be with you and may you filled with the Holy Tree Sap of Life!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hahaha you guys are all _awesome_ of the bold, underlined italicized type! Kickass, and thanks for those that are contributing to the holy book of log – IF I use it will credit you. Oh and if anyone has any Omakes, send 'em over and i'll try to put it = wanted to point out too – Sandaime manipulates Naruto into doing things but A) its never anything _bad _for Naruto. Acts more like some sort of bribe, incentive really and B) Supposed to be more humorous than make Sandaime the bad guy :)**

**One person mentioned the academy and...I can see it now.**

"_**He was so excited! He would finally go to school, finally make friends, finally become a fully-fledged ninja – one step on the way to ultimate log protection. He opened the door and walked in- before stopping dead in his tracks.**_

_**Wooden desks.**_

_**Wooden chairs.**_

_**Wooden pencils.**_

_**Wooden display boards.**_

**"**_**!""**_

**Anywho don't worry, A/N doesn't take words out of my quota , so here goes**

* * *

"YES!" Naruto screamed ecstatically , showing the Sandaime his torn piece of rice paper (Which had been quite an inventive idea from the Hokage). "I finally did it! The Holy Log will be protected with this power!"

He had quite a reason to be happy. After 2 weeks, 9 hours every day and 50 clones at it (Which makes a _whopping _262 and a half days of non-stop work), Naruto had finally mastered – to some degree- wind element manipulation. He was about halfway there with his Earth and Water, but still had some work to do.

"Ahem." Sandaime coughed, getting the log worshiping blondes attention. "Congratulations, learning it in 2 weeks is quite a feat, shadow clone or not. But we should _really_ get back to our _Senkouken (Flash Fist)_ lessons."

Ah yes the Senkouken. The old kage had begun to teach the style to the boy last week, having judged the boys skill with the Shield Fist a mid to high B-Rank. He hoped that teaching him the Senkouken would not only add a style to his arsenal and increase his speed but also show him some differences in styles so that he may perfect each with that knowledge.

They finished their training session – which had been interrupted by the impromptu knowledge of Narutos success – after another 2 hours taijutsu, where Naruto began to read the Holy Book of Log for another half an hour, before returning for another 2 hours of "Reflex Honing" which Naruto more accurately described torture.

He still vividly remembered his first session.

_Flashback_

"_Naruto," The Sandaime ordered, "Stand in this circle."_

_Naruto stood in said circle , waiting dutifully. He let off a strangled yelp as he jumped to the side, barely avoiding a kunai._

"_What the Log old man?" Naruto asked angrily. "Are you trying to kill me?"  
"No! I'm helping your body train its reflexes."_

"_I dun wanna train my reflexes!" Naruto pouted, sitting angrily on the floor._

"_Ahh," The Sandaime sighed sadly. "But if you don't, every time someone throws a kunai, shuriken or even jutsu at you, you will be summoning – and killing logs. Think of the blasphemy!"_

"_Bu-"_

"_And if you die because you couldn't avoid a single kunai, who else will protect the logs?"_

_Silence for a minute, then..._

"_Fine. But you play dirty old man!"_

_End Flashback_

The sessions would vary – sometimes he'd stand in a circle and avoid incoming weapons (and jutsus. Naruto shivered as he remembered, that _had_ been a _painful_ experience.), other times he might have a certain restriction, e.g. Only allowed to block incoming projectiles. It was really quite fun – for Sandaime.

Currently, the Sandaime had had a stressful meeting with the council (Well his shadow clone did)- and now needed to vent some frustration. Said kage smiled sadistically at his charge.

* * *

**ACHOO! **

Anko sneezed violently, spittle raining into the face of her Iwa opponent.

* * *

Naruto, in his grey training gi, did not like that look at all. "Log sustain me," He muttered quietly, sending a small prayer to the log. The Sandaime led Naruto to the large circle which they had been practicing this exercise before in.

Naruto gulped audibly.

"Not this one jiji..."

"Think of the Logs Naruto, all for the Holy Log."

Sigh.

"Okay then Jiji. For the log."

And with that Naruto stood in the circle.

With a strangled yelp, he jumped to the left, rolling again to the right, narrowly avoiding two shuriken. He felt a kunai approaching behind so he ducked, before wearily keeping an eye out for more.

Another kunai appeared and Naruto nearly screamed, before jumping as high as possible and doing a split. The kunai passed right under him.

"_JIJI!"_

"**Haha, nearly got ya with that one!"**Kyuubi teased. Naruto frowned, having forgotten to talk to his Jiji about the Kyuubi talking to him. He vowed to tell him afterwards.

He ducked under one aimed for his head, slapping away one which would have impaled his shoulder (though, they were blunt) before flipping to the left to avoid 3 more. Then 'Jiji' played dirty.

Naruto heard a brief mutter of _"Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu _(Shuriken Shadow Clone Technique.)"

With 25 consecutive popping sounds, 1 blunt Kunai became 25 blunt kunai, all headed to one blonde. Said boy frantically ran through handseals. 8 year old and already impaled by kunai? Bad way to start ones ninja career.

"Doton: Tsuchi Bouei! (Earth Release: Earthen Protection)"

With a shuddering, grinding sound, the ground infront of Naruto sprang up, curving down to shelter him in an elliptical shield. He found that he didn't have enough mastery over the jutsu to do a full covering earth shield, so he made it face the incoming shadow kunai.

25 kunai slammed into the earth wall, each making a blunt , ringing sound. Naruto dispelled the jutsu, watching as the kunai also dispelled. He thought it was over when more kunai started flying.

_'Damn he's frustrated!'_ Naruto thought wryly, jumping over another kunai and kicking away a shuriken. Three more kunai were sent simultaneously at the exerted boy, who didn't have enough time to form the shielding jutsu. He jumped over the first, allowing his body to become parallel to the ground. The second flew below him, the third flying so close it cut a lock of his unruly hair off. He merged the jump into a back flip, landing safely enough to roll away from the two shuriken which his sensei threw.

Sensei was mean!

After they finished, Naruto went up to the wizened Hokage.

"Jiji..." Naruto began, getting his attention. "It talks to me."

The Sandaime knew exactly what "it" meant.

"Do...Do you feel like...the urge to do bad things? To kill and hurt people?" Sandaime asked carefully. If he did then it could mean the seal was weakening...

"No! He just...comments."

"He?"

"It. I don't know – can something that scary be a woman?"

"Hell hath no wrath like an Angry Woman." The Sandaime replied wisely. "Anyway...hopefully I'll get someone to ...make sure...everything's fine. Till then just ignore its suggestions and DON'T ANSWER BACK!"

"O-ok jiji!"

"Now I have a surprise for you!" The wizened hokage said. "Close your eyes!"

Naruto did so and quickly found a small booklet placed in his hands. He opened his eyes and read it.

_**The Holy Log and I**_

_**A beginners guide for the ways of the Log**_

_This guide is for the beginning Log acolyte with a small amount of commandments and and tips to start with your training in to the ways of the Log_

_From the Book of the Holy Log these commandments were given to the very first Log Pope - a ninja called Woody - by the Great Tree of Life which still stands to the day in Rogugakure (Village Hidden in the Log), the epicenter of all Log believers._

_**Commandments **_

_1 Thou shalt never hurt a Log purposely._

_2 Thou shalt take care of the Log and the Log shalt take care of thee._

_3 Every 365 Moon Cycles thou shalt make a crusade to the Great Tree and make an offering so the Log will prosper._

_4 When thou commits heresy thou will be transformed to a disgraced Log and will burn Eternally in the unholy fires of Hell._

_5 When thou has died and lived the ways of the Log dutifully thou shalt take place in the afterlife in the Forest of Life._

_These are the Primary Commandments and you must obey them always. When your training progresses you shall learn more of them._

_Nevertheless here are tips to live by the Log:_

_1) Always use Rice Paper. Using Log Paper is frowned upon._

_2) At least pray thrice a day to the Great Tree._

_3) Try, with thy utmost effort, to spread the Holy Teachings of Log._

_4) When evil is committed to an Log commit justice to the heretic. ( Keep in mind that 95% of the world are disbelievers and that these rules are not used in the government system so act discretely.)_

_5) When you make an offering to the Great Tree always be respectful , even if the Great Tree does not answer._

_6) Thy will find a companion in a Log with which thee should go everywhere, and it shalt become thy travelers Log._

_7) Where Holy life sap is spilled plant a seed there so a tree may prosper there._

_8) When writing the apology to the Log who saved your life name at least 5 reasons why you could not act otherwise._

_9) When a log Priest or Pope is nearby greet him and the Log he carries._

_10) If you follow the ways dutifully the Log Pope may grant you with some life sap of the Greet Tree itself! Drink it and may you be closer to the Tree and the Log._

_11) When one of the messengers of the Tree itself is nearby bow for him for the Great Log Sage will only grace the holiest of worshipers with his advice, whether through messenger or not.  
_

_12) Embrace the Squirrel Summons as your companions if they grace you with their presence.  
All in all these basic rules and tips are a great start to begin with the ways of the Log but remember there is always more to learn._

Naruto read it again, before looking up at the Sandaime happily. "Where did you _get _this?" Naruto asked.

"Oh...the Shodaime had once tried to convince me to become a Log Acolyte, however, when I refused he gave me this. This was what he wrote personally on the subject."

Sarutobi _swore _he heard bones crushing as Naruto hugged him. _'Note to self – slow down on the strength training.'_

"Thanks Jiji this is the _best present ever!_" Naruto said excitedly, before calming himself down. "I mean...for a disbeliever, that is. Jiji, where can I get the squirrel summoning scroll?"

"You can't."

"Huh?"

"You can't."

"But why!"

"It does not _exist _on the mortal plane of existence. The Squirrel-ninja summons are not among the strongest," Narutos face fell. "They _ARE _the strongest as they have the ability to mould chakra almost as effectively as Humans do. However, _they_ are the ones who initialize contact , and if they do, they will test you. Anyway, that is not for now."

"Can I end early? I really wanna show Hanabi-chan this!"  
Looking at the sun, the Hokage guessed that it was about 1pm. "We can't end now, but we'll work some more and end at around 4pm."

"Awesome!" Naruto exclaimed. "Say Jiji, I heard that the Academy took four years."

"Well, yes and no."  
"Whadya mean Yes and No? In the Name of the Log, that is a terrible answer!"

Hiruzen sighed forlornly – he always cursed the person which had thrown the book out the window, unwittingly hitting the young boy. "Yes because most civilian families enroll their children for the 4 year course. No because a lot of the clans and even some civilians enroll their children in the one year course. There is no difference in the material taught, but the 4 year takes it much much slower."

"Oh. I get it!"

"Also the 1 year course people are allowed to fail up to seven times – twice a year, once in the first year , totally four years – before they have to quit becoming a ninja."

"Oh. Okay! Now, lets get back to training. I need this power for the Log!"  
Once again the Hokage sighed, before focusing on his young charge. "Okay then – out of the 5 jutsu I gave you two and a half weeks ago on your birthday, how many have you learnt?"

"Erm...only four. I've mostly focused my shadow clones on elemental manipulation." Naruto said, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.

"That's nothing to be ashamed about," The Sandaime reassured. "Now, could you show me?"

"Sure! First I have the," Naruto said excitedly, performing the necessary hand seals, "_Fuuton: Kazekei_ _no Jutsu_(Wind Release : Wind Whip Technique)"

The whip formed around the kunai which Naruto took out, said blond slamming it into the ground, leaving a 1-foot deep groove.

"Then, as I showed you earlier, my _Doton: Tsuchi Bouei no Jutsu_(Earth Release: Earth Protection Technique)." The earth in front of the Log Acolyte shuddered, and with a grinding sound, formed a hemisphere around the blonde. "I can't make the full sphere yet but I'm on my way! Okay...next there's the _Suiton: Jinsoku Tama no Jutsu_(Water Release : Rapid Shot Technique)."

Naruto performed the necessary hand seals, dragging some water from a nearby pond. The water formed around 20 condensed, golf-ball sized balls which Naruto directed to shoot in rapid succession at a nearby boulder.

The pressured water slammed into the rock, cutting small grooves for each water ball, leaving the boulder pock-marked with holes.

"Last but not least , _Doton: Shinju Zanshu no jutsu_(Earth Release: Double Suicide Decapitation Technique)." Naruto sunk into the ground, disappearing from view, before reappearing behind the aged hokage. "I of course know the Kawarimi, and I've learned two jutsu from the Holy Book of Log."

"I thought I told you not to learn jutsus by yourself, Naruto." The Sandaime said dissaprovingly.

"But the Holy Log commanded me to!" Naruto whined.

"Ah well if the Holy Log says so, who am I to argue? Will you show me them then?"

Naruto form some handseals , ending with an odd seal – the left hand, palm upwards, slightly curved, with the right hand grabbing the four, upwards fingers of the left. "_Suiton: Junsei Mizu no Jutsu _(Water Release: Pure Waters Technique)"

Pure water formed in Narutos left hand, which he directed to flow into a seed which he had planted. Naruto looked slightly exerted as the water purely came from the air.

The Sandaime touched the water, letting out a small pulse of chakra and could tell it was _100.00% _pure, not a single impurity. It was quite refreshing too.

"Okay, good job Naruto." The kage applauded as Naruto ended the jutsu. "You said there was another?"

"Ah yes." Naruto said, performing a sequence , once again ending with the odd seal. "_Daichihoka _(Replace Other)."

The Hokage felt a brief rush, before finding himself 10 metres away from the original spot, a log where he had been. "Wow Naruto! Do you have ANY idea the potential of such a jutsu? You could use Daichihoka on an enemy and make him fall into a pit of spikes or into the way of a Katon jutsu..." The Hokage began, only to be cut off by his protege.

"No Jiji, that wouldn't work."

"Why not?"

"The Daichihoka can only be used when you have pure intent. If I wanted to _save _my _friend_ from a Katon jutsu then it could work, but if I wanted to _place_ my _enemy _in the way of a Katon jutsu then it would put _me_ there instead."

"Oh."  
"Oh indeed."

"Ok Naruto good job so far. One question though...what was that odd seal at the end?"

"Oh you mean this?" Naruto said, placing his hand in the proper position. "That's the Log hand seal!"

"The Log hand seal?" Sandaime asked dully. _'You've got to be shitting me.'_

* * *

"Peace of the Holy Log upon you." Naruto greeted his fellow Log Acolyte, who returned the greeting in turn. "Boy Hanabi-chan do I have something to show _you!" _He said excitedly, handing her the leaflet. She quickly scurried to a comfy lounge chair which she had ordered, happening to be in the shape of The Log. "Where's Hinata-chan?"

"Training." Hanabi replied after a few minutes, having not noticed him talking at all.

"Thanks!" Naruto said, running outside. He ran through the parks for abit, asked the guards and even knocked on some builds but could not find hide nor hair of Hinata. He finally decided to check the dojo.

He walked in to find Hinata beginning a graceful kata, jabbing her invisible opponent, before pirouetting to the left and slamming her palm where the opponents stomach would be.

She continued her graceful dance, never in one place, always on the tip of her toes, ready to switch position or attack.

Naruto found it absolutely captivating.

Hinata, sweating mildly and a bit out of breath, finished the long kata. It had taken her time but she had finally mastered it! She knew her father wouldn't _say_ that but, deep down she knew it.

Clap, clap, clap...

Both student and sensei turned to the source of the noise, finding Naruto in a black kimono. "That was absolutely _amazing_ Hinata-chan!" Naruto complimented. Hiashi frowned slightly, but did not comment. "Can we spar? I bet you'd kick me any day of the week but all experience is good!"

Before Hinata could decline, thinking her father wouldn't allow it, said obstruction spoke up. "I'm sure Hinata could use such experience too. Fighting positions, children!"

Without a second – or even first – thought, the two 8 year olds faced each other, bowing their heads slightly before getting into their positions. "Begin!"

"Byakugan." Hinata murmured quietly.

Naruto turned to the clan head. "Wait! Any restrictions?"

"For now, only Taijutsu."  
Naruto turned around just in time to duck under the gentle fist strike, slapping away the poke to his temple which would have left him unconscious. He firmly dodged and parried Hinatas attacks with the Tokuken, before switching to Senkouken.

Though not fast enough to make the taijutsu style fully effective, he still managed to use it to some extent. He slid to the side, avoiding the chakra-charged jab, before going on the offensive. Hinata just managed to duck under the vicious palm strike, pirouetting away from the following high kick. She continued to avoid his attacks with all the grace of a ballerina, before a speedy punch on her shoulder knocked her off balance, followed by a jab to the stomach, a sweeping kick to knock her down and a two-handed push while she was still in the air.

Consequently, Hinata was on the floor, clutching her stomach, her Byakugan shut. She was wincing in pain, and was about to forfeit, which annoyed Naruto.

"Oh come on Hinata-chan! Don't give up – You landed quite a few counter jabs. I swear I can't feel my right arm , blghh, never mind use jutsu."

Usually, this would be the point in the usual training schedule where Hinata would give up, but get up and try again , without much motivation.

"Hinata-chan, if you make mistakes who cares? Its better to make mistakes now against me and Hiashi-sama than against some evil, soulless S-Rank missing-nin who cares none for logs!"

Hinata got up abit, chuckling. Hiashi stared at his daughters friend in surprise, before pondering the positive effect. Granted, his insanity was virulent (though Hinata was proving immune), but his happy-go-lucky attitude, boundless energy and courage seemed to effect Hinata too.

Said Hyuuga had reactivated her Byakugan, charging against her opponent with renewed vigor. He avoided her first jab to his shoulder, ducking under one to his head and smacking away one to his stomach, before getting some tenketsu in his right hip sealed up.

"Damnit!" Naruto said as Hinata sprang away. "Grr!" His left leg felt numb, and he couldn't feel the chakra flowing there properly...Focusing his chakra, he forced it into his right hip, hoping it would somehow effect it.  
With a loud _POP_ the tenketsu unsealed, Naruto grimacing in pain. "Damn you sure pack a punch. Or, err, jab." Naruto complimented.

"Oh I'm s-sorry!" Hinata said, sad that she had hurt her friend. Naruto instantly backtracked.

"No no! That's _good_ Hinata-chan! I mean, if you couldn't pack a … jab, then how else would you survive the ninja world? We're gonna kick ass...or, err, jab ass, and take names!"  
Hiashi narrowed his eyes at the crude , vulgar use of words but let it 'slide' this time.

"Shall we continue?" Naruto asked.

"I think that is enough for now." Hiashi said. "Naruto...how would you like to come for daily sparring sessions with Hinata? I'm sure she could improve greatly, and so could you."  
"Oh...that would be great!" Naruto said ecstatically. More excuses to visit, damn, the Log was really on his side today. "Err,what time?"

"I expect to see you both in the dojo at 10AM _sharp _every day. Now, dismissed."

Naruto would have stayed longer , but he knew he absolutely _stunk _right now, so he bade his farewells and made a note in his mind to _not fight in a freaking kimono _again.

* * *

_Next Day_

"So Hanabi-chan, how did you like the leaflet?" Naruto said, worked up after his sparring session.

"Amazing. So much useful tips! I just ordered 70 crates of rice paper!"  
"Great!"  
"But Naruto...how will we get our Travelers Log?"

"Oh...hmm one second, I think I need to refer to the Holy Book of Log." Naruto said, pulling said Holy Book out of his pocket. Hanabi having long paid for the service of having a copy made, also pulled her copy out, flipping through the pages.

"Ah found it!" Naruto exclaimed. "Page 27, Thy Travelers Log."  
Hanabi opened the appropriate page before beginning to read.

"_Thy travelers log is not chosen by the traveler, but decided by the Commune of the Trees in the great Forest of Life, with the final decision up to the Great Log Sage."_

"_The travelers log is not granted to all and any who seek it," _Naruto continued, _"for it is a symbol of Holiness and great faith. One must complete the 5 Tests of Holiness before one is blessed with a Travelers Log."_

Hanabi quickly took over,_ " First, one must have taught the ways of the Holy Log to at least one Log __Acolyte. Second, one must have planted at least over 100 saplings. Third, one must have __**never**__ committed heresy without the __**full repenting**__. Fourth, one must take a Test Log,made of plain Oak and keep it alive for at least 6 months. Last of all, the Log Acolyte to receive a travelers log must have punished __**at least ten**__ heretics."_

"Quite a list," Naruto commented reverently, "And I shall complete every one! But..." He said, before reading again, _"Once those Five Tests of Holiness have been completed, one must learn the Kuchiyose: Rogu Tomo Meshi (Summoning: Log Companion Summons), a complicated space-time ninjutsu..."_ The rest was just explaining the Jutsu. Naruto looked at his fellow Log worshiper, who had a determined glint in her eye.

"We have a lot of work to do," Hanabi commented, which Naruto totally agreed.

"Well I have already taught you the ways of the Holy Log, and I've planted so many saplings that I lost count at 3,754," Naruto admitted, not lying or exaggerating at all. "I've never committed Heresy, except that time in training, where I repented fully. However we should both get a Test Log, eh?"

Hanabi was admittedly slightly jealous at her companions already vast progress, but squashed the feeling down ruthlessly and got up.

She had some seeds to order.

* * *

The next day, after a filling dinner at the Hyuuga, the two Log Worshipers prepared to get their practice log. Hanabi had ran to her room and currently was back down again, facing a horror-stricken Naruto.

"Get that blasphemous weapon of _evil_ away from me!" He shrieked at the four-year old almost comically dragging an axe behind her.  
"But Naruto, how else will we get our practice log?"

"Kawarimi of course!" Naruto replied. "Painless Loss of Tree! We can't spill Holy Life Sap with such a blasphemous , evil tool!"  
Hanabi ran to a nearby guard, instructing him to melt the evil weapon with a katon jutsu.

"But Naruto-kun, I don't know the Kawarimi! I'm not starting lessons till next week, remember?"  
"Oh...erm...I _would_ teach it to you , but I don't want to interfere in to whatever training program your Dad's prepared for you."

"Well let's go ask him then!" Hanabi said, dragging Naruto along with her. They reached a white, oak door, both of the children stopping to offer a small prayer to the log mutilated for this purpose.

Thank Log they hadn't noticed the wooden floors...

Naruto knocked the door and upon hearing a curt, "Enter!" , he opened it, Hanabi right behind him.

"Ah Naruto. I believe you already finished your sparring sessions for today. Is there a problem."  
"N-no!" Naruto insisted. "I just wanted to ask your permission, to...err...teach Hanabi the Kawarimi."  
Hiashi was honestly surprised at the request, before condemning himself for being so stupid. _'The two worship a log as a Deity. I should have known Hanabi would want to learn the kawarimi. Well, I guess...there's no harm in him teaching her such a small thing. Is there?'_

"Well...you may teach her, but it must take place here in the mansion, and before Hanabi is cleared to use it when she likes, she _must _show me. Is that understood?"  
"Hai, Hiashi-sensei!" Naruto replied, before rushing out the room.

As soon as he stepped out, he gasped in shock.

Wooden floorboards surrounded him. He was _standing _on _dead logs_. CARVED LOGS!

He nearly screamed there and then, but a quick glance at the similarly-constructed walls shut him up. Then he smirked evilly.

He had just found his first heretic.

* * *

The Sandaime was confused when Naruto suddenly decided to start learning genjutsu, having not planned to teach him that for some time. He had honestly not expected the young man to like the subject, but said blonde had actually taken to it with vigor. Naruto had found it hard at first, requiring utmost concentration and chakra control, but thanks to his year of such lessons , he eventually got the hang of it.

Said blonde had 50 clones, paired into groups of 2, each practicing a genjutsu on each other. Naruto had been given a scroll with 5 genjutsus on it after he had learned the basics, so 5 pairs worked for each genjutsu.

Meanwhile, Naruto was repeatedly being put under genjutsu by the Hokage, being forced to dispel it _without _stabbing a kunai through ones leg.

Afterwards, Naruto had to leave to visit the Hyuuga for his daily sparring. It turned out that, surprisingly, Hiashi knew both the Senkouken _and _the Tokuken (When asked, he simply replied, "I had to become a Jounin too."), and thus gave Naruto small tips on both. After a shower and change of clothes, Naruto met his fellow Log Acolyte on the edge of a small , wooden forest.  
Hanabi carefully made the hand seals, taking some time to do the jutsu as she was not used to it yet, though it was good enough for the purpose of her training log.

With a puff of smoke, Hanabi disappeared, a log around the length of her forearm and as thick as her opened palm taking her place. The young Hyuuga ran back to her log, cradling it.

Naruto , to Hanabi's amazement, managed to do the jutsu without a seal, an almost replicated log taking his place. Hanabi silently handed Naruto a strapping device similar to the one used to carry babies on ones back. The blonde slid it on, placing the log on the device, strapping it on.

* * *

Six weeks passed, Naruto improving at a rate which continued to surprise his mentor over and over. He begun to learn to use the double-ended spear version of his whip (Which he named the Niken Yari (Two Blade Spear)), learned more jutsus – be it gen or nin – continued to perfect his taijutsu, nearly mastering the Nature Manipulation for water and Earth, protected his Practice Travelers Log (P.)... before he knew it, it was Hinatas birthday, and he had been invited.

The Hokage had warned the young blonde that the Hyuugas did not make a big deal out of birthdays. No party, no streamers...the Hyuuga mostly held a large dinner for close friends and family, aswell as present giving.

Hinata was overjoyed to see Naruto, as was Hanabi, and while they couldn't really play like 8 and 4 year olds, they could at least boisterously chatter like them on the dinner table.

The dinner was a sumptuous affair, food imported from all around the Elemental Nations – ranging from hot, steaming roasted duck to an 8 layer, stark white cake.

After most of the guests had left, Hinata was left with her sister, father, mother, best friend and the Hokage.

And so the _real_ present giving began. Of course, all the attending guests had left small trinkets as presents, but it was nothing compared to the real things which her closest people got her.

Her mother, knowing her desire to learn the ways of the medic nin, had bought her 5 books on healing – Volumes 1-5 of _Carefully Healing Careless Ninjas_ (Though Hikage had tactlessly crossed out _Ninjas_ and written _Blondes _on top.). Her father presented her with practically a whole wardrobe worth of chakra-resizing ninja clothing, while Hanabi gave her a dozen, expensive pearly white Obenite kunai , with the leaf symbol etched into the handles, curved slightly to one side for slashing motions.

The leaf villages leader gave her a Grade A Medikit, until finally she was faced with Naruto.

"I...err..." Naruto began, "I didn't really know what to get. I mean...You're a princess and all so, I thought, what can you get a princess?"

Naruto gave her a box-shaped present, wrapped carefully in a cerulean wrapping (covered in logs, of course). Carefully untying the ribbon and slipping off the paper, Hinata opened the jet black box to find inside it sturdy, leather lilac gloves with strands of obenite woven into it and small, obenite points at the end of each finger. She noted that each point was not even sharp enough to give a papercut, never mind stab.

As if answering an unasked question, Naruto spoke up. "I...err...had it made for you. The points at the end help to sort of...err...concentrate the chakra so its more...umm...precise..." Naruto said, slightly worried. This was the first time he had _ever _given anyone a gift.

Hinata absolutely _loved_ the gift, and vowed to make good use of it. Naruto was relieved, and soon they settled down for some friendly chatter.

The 8 year old Hyuuga could not help but notice Narutos slight stiffening in posture as he received the memories of a clone. Nor did she miss the evil smirk that followed.

_'And so the first Heretic shalt be punished.'_ Naruto thought slyly, sharing a knowing glance with Hanabi.

* * *

**Voila**

**I'd like to thank Infinity777 for the Booklet. Most awesome inspiration ever!**

**Oh and I must say, autocorrect settings were waaaay too high for writing this. I mean, it wanted to change _Daichihoka no Jutsu _into Artichoke No Jutland and Hinata-chan into Chinatown. .**


	5. Chapter 5

Hyuuga Hiashi woke up, laying on his side, head faced to where his wife would be.

First thing he saw was a human-sized log.

He nearly screamed there and then, but instead formed his hands in a seal and screamed "Kai!"

Nothing happened.

He looked down at his bed. However, instead, there was a log.

He looked at the door. There was a log.

He looked at the floor. One, big, log.

He looked down at himself. His sleep-wear had logs _all over_ _it_.

He pinched himself. _"Please tell me I'm in a nightmare."_

Frantically panting, he ran to the bathroom, wanting to wash his face.

Horrified, he peaked into the bathroom. The shower was one, big , hollow log. A log, half hollowed, took the place of the toilet. He looked in the mirror.

A log stared back at him.

This time, he _did _scream.

His wife instantly sat up, the door slamming open as guards walked in.

Hiashi exited the bathroom to find several white-eyed logs staring at him with worry.

"Darling, are you ok?" The one on the bed – no, log- said, worried.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The Hyuuga patriarch, still screaming, ran out of his room. As soon as he did, the floorboards became animated.

"Yoooou...kiiiilllleeddd...meee..." It whispered, dead eyes staring at the Hyuuga patriarch.

"Mmmuuuurrrderrerrr..."

"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Hiashi jumped out of a nearby window, glass shattering, barely noticing the impact as he hit the grass.

Well it _felt_ like grass. When he looked at it, he found himself staring at tiny strands of Log waving around in the wind.

He needed to get away from the logs! TOO MANY LOGS!

He ran into the village, rushing past log houses, log stores, log civilians, log ninjas. He screamed for the umpteenth time that day.

* * *

The Hokage had just arrived in his office when he heard an ear-splitting shriek. He heard some more bashing and disturbances at the bottom of his tower, and was about to get up to fight, when the door slammed open, showing a crazed-looking man.

Hyuuga Hiashi was obviously not a morning person. He was still in white Pjs- which consequently said ALL HAIL THE LOG all over it- his hair was a mess, tangled up and flying in all directions. His eyes were bloodshot and he was shivering all over.

"Hiashi...what..." The Sandaime began, wondering what was wrong.

"Th-th-the l-logs!" He screamed, stuttering like Hinata. "They're EVERYWHERE!"

"Don't worry Hiashi," Sandaime said, enjoying this far too much. "It will all go away. For the log is with thee, my friend. The most holy of the forest, shall save thee. Shall be thy salvation! And yet, the log asks for nothing in return."

That was the last straw. With one, last, blood curdling scream, Hyuuga Hiashi fainted.

_'You do know, he will kill you, Naruto...;_ The Hokage thought wryly.

* * *

"Naruto!" Hinata said, meeting the 8 year old blonde in a dojo. "Was it you?"

By now the whole compound new of Hiashis moment of insanity, and all blamed Naruto.

"The Log commanded it Hinata-chan."

"Let's just go to our sparring session."

Minutes later Hiashi arrived, looking as if nothing had happened in the morning, loosing no composure when he saw the mischief making log worshiper.

"Children, today we will do something different." He began with a sadistic gleam in his eyes. "Hinata , you will begin to teach Hanabi the basics of the Jyuken, and Naruto..." He said, restraining the urge to cackle evilly. "Naruto will spare with _me_."

"**Hahahaha!" **The Kyuubi laughed cruelly at his jailers punishment. **"You're _screwwwwweed _and ain't no log here to save you now!" **

Naruto gulped visibly, Hinata sending him a pitying glance as she went off to find her sister.

* * *

"Ow..." Naruto moaned as he tried to sit down next to a chuckling Hinata. "Ow...ow...It's not funny! I know he had a reason to be annoyed but that tenketsu strike to the butt was just _overkill_!"

Hinatas small chuckles turned into full blown laughter. She just couldn't help it.

"So Hinata...you're starting the academy in 3 years too?"

"Yes, I'll be graduating when I'm 12. You?" Hinata said, stutter free words coming natural to her. Her sparring lessons (which usually extended into full blown taijutsu lessons) had given her a lot of confidence – consequently Hiashi did not give up on her eldest daughter.

"Me too! Ooh I can't wait!" Naruto said excitedly. "Academy will be boring but afterward I can become a fully-fledged ninja and protect the log! And err, my comrades."

Hinata giggled a bit at that. They begun to chat a bit, one thing leading to another, and next thing they knew they were talking about training. Unlike Hinata, Naruto had no qualms talking about specifics, except his teacher.

"Hinata-chan, did you find out your elemental affinity yet?"

"No. Apparently, my chakra will not be developed enough for quite some time."

"Oh. Hehe, I found out mine and I had _three_! It's amazing isn't it?"  
Hikage , performing the parental duty of Protective Surveillance from one of the balconies, gasped at this.

"Wow!" Hinata exclaimed. "I wish I could find my elemental affinity..." She lamented.

"Oh that's _easy_!" Naruto said, before making a clone which ran off and came back shortly with two pieces of paper. "Just channel chakra into it!"  
Hinata channeled the chakra, not expecting any results. She was pleasantly surprised when the paper crumpled up, signifying her lightning affinity.

"Awesome! You should see what happens when I do it." Naruto said proudly. He charged chakra into it, getting the expected first result of a ripped in half paper.

However the second result _blew Hikages mind._

The two halves of the paper hardened, thickening into wooden slabs.

"I wonder what that means..." Naruto mused.

* * *

The Hokage had hardly expected Hikage of all people to run in to his office, panting.

"Take a seat my dear." He said, pouring her a cup of tea. "Is something wrong?"

"It's Naruto, Hokage-sama."

"Oh?" The Hokage asked, groaning inwardly.

"He was showing Hinata how to find out her elemental affinity - and she's a Raiton," She said proudly, "anyway, Naruto then proceeded to take out another chakra paper and channel his chakra into it."

"Ah yes, Naruto has wind, earth and water. Quite jaw-dropping for one his age."

"If you think that's jaw-dropping, then prepare. After he channeled chakra, the paper ripped...then it turned to wood."

You could have heard a pin drop. Or for that matter, a pipe drop, as the Hokages mouth was open in amazement.

"Do you have any idea what that means, Hokage-sama?"  
"It means...he is a mokuton user..."

"Oh...wow...mokuton? I mean...that's...no one's seen that since Shodai."

"Yes...well, for now , please do not tell anyone, except maybe Hiashi. Now, if you don't mind, I really have matters I need to focus on."

"Of course. Farewell, Hokage-sama."

"Yes, goodbye. Oh and Hikage?" Sandaime said before the Hyuuga matriarch could leave. "Thank you for bringing this to my attention."

As soon as she left, Hiruzen called for his secretary. She popped her head in,"Can I help you Hokage-sama?"

"Yes , Nimo, can you please get ANBU agent Neko."

"Hai, Hokage-sama!"

2 minutes later, said ANBU was in front of him, brown hair showing over his cat mask.

"Neko-san, I am assigning you a new, A-Rank mission."  
"Hai Hokage-sama. Details, please?"

"You are to take a 6 month break from ANBU duty, as natural mokuton abilities have risen in a young ninja in training."

The shock ran through the ANBU agent like an S-Rank Raiton jutsu.

"During this period you will be suspended as an ANBU agent and you will become a jounin. I assure you it is only temporary."

"If I may ask, Hokage-sama, who is the Mokuton user whom I shall be teaching?"  
"Uzumaki Naruto."

"_He_ has Mokuton?"

"Yes. Now you will not _only_ teach him Mokuton ninjutsu, you will teach him earth and water jutsu as well as Taijutsu if you can. Your file states that you are an S-Rank with the Wakizashi and Whipping Willow style, and you have lots of experience fighting with clones. True?"

"Hai." The Anbu – ex-Anbu- replied, still in a daze.

"Well you are to teach your student all of this. If you need more than 6 months then it can easily be arranged. Similarly if you finish quicker than that, I can re-instate you into active duty."

"Hai Hokage-sama."  
"Any questions?"

"Where and when will we train?"

"I have had...another instructor teaching him for a year and a half now, so you will not need to teach him any basics. From now on, his training will be _fully_ handled by you and you alone, and it will take place in the Sarutobi personal training ground. Here is the summarizing file of Narutos ninja skills and the training he has undergone, as well as some previously planned lessons. Oh and last thing – do not make his Mokuton techniques common knowledge , except with the Hyuuga clan, with whom he takes taijutsu practice sparring every day at 10AM. You are dismissed."

Right before the cat faced ANBU left, the Hokage told him to take off his mask, before bidding goodbye.

Yamato first went to the young Uzumakis house, finding no one there. He quickly visited the Sarutobi personal training ground, also finding it vacated. He then went to the Hyuuga mansion.

He exchanged greetings with the guards before going off to find his young charge.

He quickly found himself face to face with an overprotective 4 year old.  
Hanabi _knew _of the mean people who hated Naruto, so naturally when a stranger came to ask for him, she did not give his location straight away.

The sight of the four year old in front of him, arms crossed, staring haughtily at him nearly made Yamato laugh.

"Why do you want Naruto-kun?" She asked.

"I'm his new instructor."  
"What are you going to teach him?" She asked suspiciously.

He played with the idea of refusing to tell her, but decided against it. "Mokuton."  
"What's Mokuton?" She asked, this time purely to sate her curiosity.

"Control over the wood element." He replied. Hanabis eyes widened, saucers staring at the ninja infront of him.

"REALLY? Show me!"  
"Fine..." Yamato said, at the moment willing to do anything to get this nosy four year old away from him. He flipped through some hand seals, causing a small tree to sprout next to him.

"KAWAIIIIIIIIII!" Hanabi said, glomping on the stranger. "Naruto can _DO THAT?_"  
"Yes! YES! Now _please_ let me go find him!"  
"No! I must teach you the ways of the log."

"The what? Don't you mean god?"

"I meant what I said, fool! The Holy Log!"

"But...Holy log?"

"The log is my savior; I shall not char.  
It burneth in my stead: it protecteth me from the flames.  
It confoundeth mine enemies: it covereth mine escape.  
Yea though I walk through the compounds of Uchiha, I will fear no katon; for thou art with me, thy bark and thy sap they shieldeth me.  
Thou provideth me with shielding from the kunai of my enemies: from their shuriken and their wrath; my gratitude is never ending.  
Surely splinters and termites shall follow me all my ninja life, but I shall remain devoted to The Log forever!" Hanabi said reverently.

"Are you talking about the Kawarimi?" Yamato asked, unknowingly quoting many before him.

"YES!"

* * *

_Five hours later_

"ALL HAIL THE HOLY LOG!" Hanabi chanted.

"HAIL THE LOG, HAIL THE LOG!" Yamato shouted reverently.

_'Test of Faith #1, Check!'_

"Alright, fellow log Acolyte," Hanabi said, "Let us find Naruto-kun such that he may learn THE HOLY POWERS OF LOG!"

"HOLY POWERS OF LOG!" Yamato parroted.

Yamato found himself led to one of the most obscure training grounds- excluding the Forest of Death – in Konoha. It seemed that Naruto was trying to secretly teach Hinata a small Raiton jutsu he had learned at some point in his training.

Hinata was worried she was in trouble, but Yamato quickly put that doubt to rest.

"I'm here because...from now on I'll be Narutos new sensei."

"Why?" Naruto whined. "I liked the ho...happy old sensei!" He said, saving himself quickly.

"Well Naruto it seems you have the ability to do the mokuton."

"I...me...mokuton...you...ARE YOU SERIOUS?" Naruto screamed. It was like a dream come true.

"Yes." Yamato said shortly.

"AWESOME! But wait, why are _you _more suited to teach me than the Old Sensei?"  
"Due to some...odd circumstances, I also possess the Mokuton, but not as strong as shodais, nor probably as strong as yours seeing as you're also a natural. And...the Holy Log bid me to teach thee!"  
"ALL HAIL THE HOLY LOG!" Naruto shouted, Hinata covering her ears in pain.

"HAIL THE LOG, HAIL THE LOG, MAY ITS HOLY LIFE SAP INVIGORATE US FOR ALL ETERNITY!"

"Log-sensei," Naruto began, earning an odd look for an equally odd name, "Please bless me with an example!"

"Log-oshiego (Log-disciple), I shalt do so!" With a mere handsign, Naruto was trapped in a rapidly growing tree.

"Thank you for this demonstration of pure awesome." Naruto said humbly.  
Yamato looked at the sun, judging that it was around 6pm. "Naruto-kun, we still have around 3-4 hours till we have to go. How about I begin you on your Mokuton techniques such that you may practice over night with your Shadow Clones?"

"Yes please, Log-sensei!"

"Ok, the first technique I will show you is the _Moku Bunshin no Jutsu _(Wood Clone Technique). The hand signs are Tiger, dog , snake..."

* * *

Naruto progressed quickly, at some point the Sandaime showing him how to split his Whip into two . Basically, it took the shape of the chakra which you poured in, which was how Naruto ended up learning to dual-wield wakizashis. He continued learning Senkouken and Tokuken, as well as the Whipping Willow style and learning a myriad of Mokuton, Suiton, Doton and Fuuton jutsus. His sensei also taught him some Raiton and Katon, but not very much.

With Hanabis and several shadow clones help, Naruto totally refurbished and changed the Hyuuga Mansion, replacing the wooden floorboards with elegantly designed white tiles etc.

Naruto had developed his own jutsu, one that had really surprised Yamato in their sparring session.

_Flashback_

_Yamato slammed his fist into one Naruto clone, watching it erupt in smoke. He pulled back his fist, aiming another punch at another clone._

_This time he pulled back his fist covered in deep cuts._

"_Log-Oshiego, what was that?"  
"Ah log-sensei, I developed a jutsu. The Kaze Bunshin no Jutsu (Wind Clone Technique)."_

"_I am proud of you, Log-Oshiego. Use this new power wisely to protect the log!"_

He also finished the allotted time span for protecting his practice log. He did not abandon it – instead he used his newly learned _Uddo Sousei_ _no jutsu _(Wood Rebirth Technique) on it.

He began to actually _search _for heretics. He wracked his brain, making a list of all heresy committed by the Sandaime...from willingly using Log Paper to throwing kunai at wooden targets. _Wooden Targets for logs sake!_

He pondered for _ages_, wondering exactly how to punish his Jiji. How _does_ one punish the strongest man in the village?

The answer struck Naruto like lightning, and he quickly ran to his apartment to prepare.

The Sandaime, at age 73, was not exactly young, so he allowed himself his vices and guilty indulgences.

Two guilty indulgences to be precise – Icha Icha , written by his student, and his tabacco-filled pipe.

At 7AM in the morning, before the work day begun, he usually indulged a bit. He sat in his comfortable leather chair, pulling his Icha Icha book out from a secret drawer.

He barely noticed that the title had changed, from Icha Icha Juuman'okudo to Icha Icha Hade Kankyou. He flipped through the pages, opening it to where he had left off. Mina the beautiful buxom seamstress, had just been successfully seduced by the charming Daisuke...

Instead of finding the expected scene, he found two men on the book, drawn with accurate details, engaging in hot, sweaty intercourse.

_'Daisuke moaned as Ushimaru hit that sweet spot deep inside him...'_

Sarutobi threw the book as far as he could from himself, splintering the opposite wall. He willed himself to calm down, trying to forget that horrible, horrible blasphemous picture.

Deciding to forgo the usual pipe-smoking, he picked up the first paper from a large pile.

_Petition for Log Classes_

_'Naruto...' _he growled evilly, reading the title of the paper.

He went through all the papers one by one, finding each similarly titled.

He burned them all, pulling another batch of paperwork. This one was normal, and the Hokage began the tedious task of stamping _Rejected, Rejected, Rejected..._ on each one.

Suddenly he heard an evil, maniacal laughter. He turned around to find the source, finding himself staring at the paperwork, which now had 2 evil, glowing eyes, fangs and slits for a nose.

"Sarutobi-kunnn..." It said evilly. "It is time for you to-" Squawk.

Hiruzen looked at the flaming mess of paperwork, sighing forlornly.

_'Ok now I really really need my pipe.' _

He lit it, vaguely noting that the resulting fumes did not smell like tobacco, but taking a long drag anyway.

* * *

Hatake Kakashi, tired from his S-Rank mission, entered the Hokages office in his dirty and bloody uniform.  
"Hokage Sama, ANBU Agent Inu reporting for duty."  
"Hehehehehehe..." The Kage giggled.

"Hokage-sama?"

Giggles.

"Hokage-sama are you okay?"

"Okaaaayyyyyyyyyyy? I've neeeeeeeverrr been bettterrrr!" The Hokage replied, his pitch fluctuating.

Giggles.

"Err...sir..."

The Hokage took a long drag on his pipe.

"You should tryyy..." He said, his voice like a young girls. "Shome of this! Itsh _magical!_"

"Hokage-sama..."

"Inu-san!" Hokage said seriously. "Come here...I have something really, really important to tell you."  
Slightly relieved that his superior was talking normally, the ANBU went up to his kage.

"Cloosher..."

He leaned closer, till the old mans mouth was at his ear.

"What I'm about to tell you is an S-Rank secret..." He whispered dramatically.

"Yes, Hokage-sama?"

"I...I have..."

"Yes?"

"I have a Unicorn."

Sweatdrop.

Giggles.

"But you can't tell anyone!"

"Nimo-san!" Kakashi called the secretary. "You might want to come see this..."

"Yes, Inu-san?" She asked the dog-masked ANBU.

"I has a UNICORN!"

"Excuse me, Hokage-sama?" Nimo asked politely.

"His name...is _Charlie_." He said, ending with a whisper.

She then took a sniff, smelling the odd fumes, before looking at the Hokages bloodshot eyes.

"Hokage-sama, can I see your pipe?"

"No! Charlie, run, they want to HURTSH YOU!"

"Hokage-sama...Hiruuzen...Hiruzy..." Nimo said, finally getting a response with the last one. "Charlie's evil."

"NOOOOOOO!"

"Charlie's evil. Really. He kills people while you're not looking."  
"Evil? Like...like _paperwork?_"

Nimo sighed.  
"Yes, like Paperwork."

The Hokage gave the woman his pipe, sighing sadly. Oh how he'd miss Charlie. His secretary turned to the ANBU, who was slightly scared by now.

"It seems, Ino-san , that our Hokage is smoking weed."

"Weed?"

"Yes, an odd mix between weed and crack."

"Oh...that's not good."

"Yes. Terrible. Now , how can we get him to the hospital?"

"Hokage-sama..." Kakashi begun. "Charlies angelic twin is at the Hospital! Take this note, give it to a nurse and she'll show you to him."

The Hokage sped out, leaving a cloud of smoke.

"What does the note say?"

"_Knock me out and treat me for mental instability."_ Kakashi quoted.

"Mental Instability? You _idiot!" _Nimo moaned, running to find her boss.

Kakashi was about to leave, but found himself nearly tripping up on a red book , with a picture of a woman chasing a man on the front.

"What's this?" Kakashi queried, opening the book.

Disturbing perverted giggles haunted the towers occupants for the rest of the day.

* * *

Naruto and Hanabi were congratulating themselves on a heretic-punishing job well done with a hot, salty bowl of Miso ramen when they both suddenly shuddered.

"I have a feeling we've released something horrible unto the world today..." Naruto said sadly.

Hanabi could only mutely agree.

* * *

Throughout the following year, Naruto and Hanabi sabotaged a whole paper producing factory, killed several woodpeckers _('Dark creatures of pure, unadulterated evil'_ At least, if you asked Naruto that was) and been punished severely for the weed stunt.

_Flashback_

"How did you _get_ the weed in the first place?" The Hokage asked, having severely scolded the two children infront of him.

"Oh simple," Naruto replied. "I just _asked _it to grow."

The Sandaime sighed sadly.

_End Flashback_

Naruto became at least B-Rank with his Niken Yari (the Double Ended spear), B-Rank with two Wakizashis and A-Rank while wielding one, and by the time he had entered the academy his Ninjutsu arsenal was absolutely massive.

His most favourite technique so far was doing combination jutsu with himself. Well, his clone at least, but it still counted. From sending accelerated jets of wind-pressured water in a cutting manner (often electrifying it with another clone) , to sending spears of Wood surrounded by cutting winds. Naruto was really, really creative.

Before he knew it, Naruto was beginning the Academy. Yamato, although having only been assigned Narutos sensei for 6 months, he continued teaching the blonde for much longer, staying a jounin till then.

Naruto had been sure he was absolutely ready – till he decided to get his clothing ready. Looking through his collection of Kimonos, training gi and shozokus, he decided none would be totally fit for a regular academy. With that thought in mind, he took his savings – rather, Kenchis savings- and went to the Shinobi Armory , deciding to get some normal clothing.

He walked around the shop, before finding a set of clothes which were the definition of _epic_. He added the loose trousers and shirt, both designed to look like wood. He bought some bandages to secure the trousers at the ankle, before buying a belt to hold his mutating weapon , as his sensei liked to call it. Finally, he bought elbow pads and a headband.

He hid his ever-present weights- given to him by his log sensei- under the gloves and boots which his jiji had got him so long ago. Praising himself in the mirror of the shinobi store, Naruto ordered 10 more sets of the clothing to be made, paying for the one he wore on the spot.

* * *

Through the relatively quiet streets, Naruto walked to his destination, slowly walking to the Hyuuga mansion. Once he arrived, he greeted a 7 year old Hanabi, picking up an 11 year old Hinata- who incidentally, really loved his new outfit. They walked to the academy, hand in hand- no romantic intentions, of course- arriving a full hour early.

They decided to wait in the play ground, where they also found a boy their age in a long overcoat which extended over his mouth, dark shades hiding his eyes. In fact, the only skin showing was the cheeks , nose and forehead.

"Hello, Aburame-san." Hinata said, instantly recognizing him from his appearance.

"Blessings of the Log be upon you!" Naruto said cheerily. Shino turned to look at him, wondering about the odd greeting. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and my good friend here is Hyuuga Hinata. She's awesome, by the way."

"Greetings, My name is Aburame Shino."

Naruto looked at him suspiciously. "You don't control any _termites _do you?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Termites are _evil_. I'm safe this way."

"Shino-san, are you starting the academy this year?"

"Yes." He replied shortly. Some may have taken offense , but Hinata knew very well how the Aburame spoke.

Hinata and Naruto quickly found themselves running out of things to talk about with the other boy, mostly due to the fact that Aburames don't talk. Much.

Naruto passed the time easily, watching his clones practice with Kougi and Kouei (Justice and Honour, his twin wakizashis.) Ahh he had remembered first using the clones for physical practice.

_Flashback_

_Yamato finished teaching Naruto the first katas for his wakizashi, before telling him to create 50 clones. The blond did so without a single handsign – evidence of his mastery of the jutsu – all the clones appearing with a wakizashi in their hand._

"_All of you, begin the first kata!" Yamato shouted._

"_Nani?" Naruto asked. "I thought you don't gain the physical gain of your clones." He stated, confused._

"_Ahh my Log-oshiego, there is a difference. While if you set 50 clones to do pushups , you wouldn't really get anything except a load of exhaustion. However, if you set them to do something repetitive, like katas, they will pass on the memory."_

"_But I thought things like that were muscle memory."_

"_Yes. The muscle memory of the clones gets passed on to you. Where else would you get the exhaustion from?"_

"_Oh...ok then. KATA ONE, CLONES! CHOP CHOP – LITERALLY!"  
End Flashback_

While his two clones sparred in front of him, 350 more were training at the Sarutobi grounds.

Oh the beauty of shadow clones.

The play ground gradually filled up with children starting this year. Naruto noticed a wide selection of clan members joining with him...an Uchiha, a Hyuuga, a Yamanaka, an Akamichi, a Nara, an Aburame and an Inuzuka, dog and all.

The bell run, signifying the leaving of parents and the entering of children. Naruto loitered behind, allowing everyone to enter the class before him.

He was so excited! This was step one of his path to become Hokage to better protect the Holy Log. He opened the door, walking in to find everyone sitting before him...before he stopped in horror.

"Uzumaki! What's wrong?" A scar faced instructed asked.

Wooden Chairs

Wooden Floorboards

Wooden Desks

Wooden Display boards

Wooden Doors.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_!" _Naruto screamed, running out.

"Okaaaaaay then..." Iruka began, "My name is Iruka and..."

* * *

Naruto returned just in time to find the children about to exit the class for jutsu practice, a horde of clones behind him, each carrying metal chairs, made comfortable with cushioning foam, covered in leathers. Another horde brought in an equal amount of metal tables for each student, followed by a large, metal desk for his teacher. The floorboards were quickly replaced by cool tiles by another group, the display boards replaced with a plastic one. Finally the door was knocked down, replaced by a large metal one.

"All better." Naruto said, some clones behind him holding all the old wooden stuff.

"Erm...okay...well we have all finished introducing ourselves, and were just about to show some jutsu which had already been learned. So why don't you introduce yourself, then we can continue."

"Oh. I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I like the Holy Log, Hinata-chan and my fellow log acolytes, I dislike those who needlessly use logs when they could have dodged, those who murder logs and trees and use logs as _furnishing _of all things. My hobby is training and planting saplings. My dream is to become Hokage such that I may protect the logs even more!"

Iruka sighed. There always had to be _one _oddball, didn't there?

They went to an academy training ground, where Iruka stood before his class.

"So how many of you know a jutsu?"

7 hands raised.

"Alright then! Kiba, you go first."

Said Inuzuka jumped in the air, spinning in the air, resembling a drill to those present.

"Good , good. Shikamaru, your turn."  
"Ahh...troublesome." He sighed. He formed his hand in an odd seal, his shadow extending to meet Irukas. "Kage Mane no Jutsu."

"Excellent! Shino, you're next."

Bugs began to pour out of Shinos coat, gathering at a spot to his left. They formed a vaguely human shape, till more bugs were added and a full Shino clone was formed. "Mushi Bunshin no Jutsu." The bug user said stoicly.

"Mr Akimichi." Iruka called, looking at his plump student. "Go!"  
The brown haired youth formed a hand seal, shouting "Baika no Jutsu!"  
He expanded threefold, giving an almost comical rounded appearance. He then let go of the transformation, once again becoming smaller.

"Hinata, your turn."

The once-shy girl stepped forward, forming some handseals. "Raiton: Denkou Shuriken (Lightning Release : Lightning Shuriken)

Three shurikens of crackling yellow energy formed at Hinatas hand, before she threw them at the floor. A distinct smell of ozone was released as she burnt the grass.

"Good job. Sasuke, go."  
The Uchiha stepped forward, flipping through handseals. "Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu!"

A huge orb of roaring flames expelled from his mouth, slamming it into a nearby tree, which burned to ashes in seconds. Naruto growled slightly.

He had just found his fourth heretic.

"Wow, well, finally, Naruto. Go."

The clones of Naruto lay all the wooden objects at the edge of the clearing ,each slightly seperated.

"Uddo Sousei no Jutsu," Naruto said, after flipping through some handseals. The wooden objects absorbed into the ground, before suddenly sprouting into large trees. "That was my Wood Rebirth technique. It returns murdered logs into the trees they were born from."

_'A mokuton!' _Iruka inwardly gasped.

"Good job," Mizuki, the assistant sensei said. "Now, lets get back to class so we may begin our lessons.

A collective grown ran through the 30 or so students as they followed their senseis back inside.

Everyone took their -quite comfortable – seats, watching their teacher infront.

"Lets begin our lessons. First, we will be doing the History of Shinobi..." Iruka began, giving a rather boring introduction to the subject. "So , does anyone know anything of the Shodai?

A pink haired girl raised her hand. "He was the first Hokage, and had a rare control over wood."  
"Good. Anyone else?" Iruka asked. Naruto put his hand up. "Naruto."

"As the seventh moon cycle passed," Naruto began to quote. "The Holy Log Pope begged for help from the gods, and his pleas were justly answered. Bathed in light, Hashirama Senju took up the Holy Powers of the Log, and as the light left him, he saith," Let there be logs.""  
Everyone looked at him, quite confused.

"There's more!" Naruto said quickly, before quoting again. ""As the two titans clashed, the world stood at stand still, the black flame of the heretic Uchiha Madara blazing fiercely against the holy life-giving power of the Log Pope Senju Hashirama. As the ebony flame threatens to vanquish the divination of the Holy Log, it all came to naught as the Shodai Hokage drew all of his power to quench the abomination, thus ending the terror which threatened the continuity of the blessing from the holy sap."

"Stupid dobe." Sasuke said from his seat at the front. He hadn't heard of this Uchiha Madara, but he was an Uchiha, and such lowly scum did not have any right to even mention his name, never mind insult him. "As if the 'powers of the log'" he said scornfully, "could ever beat an Uchiha, the best of the b-" He was halted by a chunk of wood slamming into his cheek.

"Don't insult the log!" Naruto said fiercely. Sasuke was about to fight back when Mizuki stopped them.

"Now now, leave the fighting for our monthly taijutsu ranking contest."

"But he's _evil!_" Naruto screamed.

"Evil?" Mizuki asked.

"Yes, all Uchiha are evil. He breaths _fire _for logs sake!"

"Naruto that's enough!" Iruka said forcefully. Once everyone calmed down, he began again. "The Shodai was the first Hokage of Konoha..."

And so Narutos academy days began, most of which he spent reading the awesome book on fuinjutsu he had gotten for his last birthday. And the ones after it, and after them...


	6. Chapter 6

Haha I really had a laugh when my program insisted on changing Kiba to Kibble. Hehe

Naruto , along with several other academy students, stood outside the ring, waiting for their turn at the first monthly fighting tournament.

While there were written and oral tests – which Sakura always came first in, Hinata closely following – the fighting tournament was where the excitement really lay.

"Alright kids!" Mizuki shouted over the chatter, "First match will be..."

Iruka pulled two names out of a bowl, before shouting "Kiba and Chouji!"

"Okay then, you're allowed to use anything, just nothing permanently crippling," Mizuki said as the two kids walked into the ring. "Other than that, begin!"  
"Baika no Jutsu!" Chouji shouted, expanding into a huge human ball.

"Shikyaku no Jutsu!" Kiba shouted, getting on all fours. Wisps of loose chakra could be seen as his claws grew and he became more feral.

The Inuzuka rolled away from the large hand, which slammed into the spot he had just vacated. He decided to not waste time, shouting, "Tsuga!"

His drilling form ran right into the large student, who could feel several harsh scratches, cuts and bruises as he was pummeled, sent flying out of the ring, thus giving victory to the Inuzuka.

"Kiba wins!" Mizuki said to a round of small cheers. "Next up.."

"Hinata and Sakura!" Iruka finished.

There was really no need to go into details. The Hyuuga princess could have killed the pink haired fangirl with just one strike, instead deciding to just knock her off her feet and throw her out of the ring.

"Hinata wins!" Mizuki shouted, "Now..."

"Naruto and Shino!"

Naruto entered the ring, facing his opponent who calmly assessed him.

Shino didn't know much about his opponent – they had been to the academy together for two weeks now but not much had been displayed of his fighting style except his control over wood.  
"Begin!"

Naruto instantly sent two chunks of wood flying at the bug user, who systematically dodged with minimal movement. He began to send his bugs out to the boy, who was making handseals.

"Raiton: Shuriken Raiboufuu!" (Lightning Release: Shuriken Lightning Storm) Naruto pulled out a shuriken, throwing it at the incoming cloud of black insects.

The kikaichu made way for the shuriken, but as soon as it came close, tiny strands of lightning slammed into each bug, a good three quarters of them falling to the floor as they were hit.

"Don't worry Shino, they're just stunned for a bit. I didn't fully charge it with chakra." Naruto said, before rushing to his opponent. After a quick bout of taijutsu, he managed to catch Shino with his Mokuton: Kibaindo no Jutsu (Wood Release: Tree Bind Technique), said bug user finding himself squashed in a rapidly growing tree.

"Victory goes to Naruto!" Mizuki shouted to a round of trees. "Now could you please release him?"  
Naruto made another handsign, the tree being reabsorbed by the ground. At the same time, Shinos fallen bugs got up, returning to their home.

"Thank you for not decimating my horde."

"Ahh think nothing of it," Naruto replied. "Oooh look, Ino's against Sasuke!"

Ino quickly forfeit , knowing she was know match for the Uchiha genius, leaving him with victory and Shikamaru to quickly win against some unimportant other genin (Who would ultimately fail the year and thus does not deserve a name.)

The next round began, Iruka sporting a much lighter bowl this time.

"Hinata and Kiba!"

Kiba once again activated his Four Legs technique, rushing at his opponent. Hinata activated her byakugan, pirouetting to the side from the vicious attack. She narrowly missed a claw, jumping over a spinning kick. She side-stepped an axe kick, surgically injecting chakra into several tenketsu there. The two fighters sprang away from each other. Kiba rushed at her again, a visible limp in his left leg.  
A few more tenketsu strikes later and Kiba had to be dragged out of the ring, humiliated at being beaten by a girl – and having his legs not obey him. Iruka called the match in her favour.

"Next...Shikamaru and Shino."

"Troublesome..." Shikamaru muttered, entering the ring. The match began, and Shino found himself quickly trapped in a shadow jutsu.

"Kage Mane no Jutsu, success." Shikamaru said smirking slightly. However, Shino's bugs, independent of his jutsu, just flowed towards him, causing the Nara boy to run, the bug-user following his footsteps. Shino found himself running towards one edge of the ring, while his opponent was closer to the middle, and with one final step, he was pushed out, and thus disqualified. His bugs returned to him.

"Victory to Shikamaru." Mizuki said, before calling the next match. "Chouji and Naruto!"

Chouji attacked the blonde, who gracefully assumed the Whipping Willow style. With the Akimichis raw strength, he knew the Tokuken would be less effective.

Chouji aimed a sluggish but well-aimed punch at his opponents head, who bent his back low. Naruto merged his dodge into a handstand, bringing his legs up against the plump boys chest sending his opponent back a couple of feet. Naruto jumped again after landing, aiming a dropping heel kick at the boys shoulder. However, Chouji managed to side step it, slamming a palm out to intercept the blonde.

Naruto twisted unnaturally in mid air, just avoiding the palm. He was already doing hand seals as he landed. "Doton: Yochi Danmaki!" (Earth Release: Earth Barrage)

The earth infront of Naruto rumbled a bit, groaning as Naruto slammed his palm into the floor. Golf-ball sized chunks of earth barraged the Akimichi , who could only shield his face with his arms as he was attacked. He was pushed back several meters, ultimately falling outside the ring.  
"Victory to Naruto!"

"Great match!" Naruto said enthusiastically to the Akimichi, going to help him get up.

The Akimichi took the outstretched hand, chuckling awkwardly.

"Sasuke gets a by for this round." Iruka said, refilling the bowl with the remaining contestants.

"Naruto and Shikamaru!" Mizuki announced. The two boys squared off, attacking each other.

Naruto jumped over the shadow which wiggled towards him, making a Moku Bunshin as he did so. The bunshin allowed itself to get caught in the shadow, and using the 60% of his originals strength, resisted the will to move his legs.

Meanwhile the real Naruto made a quick torch out of wood. Some thought he would light it with a katon jutsu, but Naruto almost puked at the mere thought of it. Instead he used one of the many survival camping jutsu to make a bright , shining light.

The camping jutsu which Yamato had shown him were small things which just made a Ninjas day easier – ranging from condensing water for drinking to making a wooden hut. This jutsu was supposed to cast a soft glow, but instead Naruto flooded it with chakra, making an almost blinding light.

Shikamaru knew his shadow jutsu would be useless now, and to avoid a needless pummeling, he forfeited.

"Hinata and Sasuke!"

The two academy students entered the ring, facing each other.

"You have no hope to win," Sasuke began, "As I am an Uchiha, our blood is-"

He was shut up by a tenketsu strike to the shoulder, having not even notice the match began.

"Stop whining and fight already, Uchiha-teme!" Naruto shouted.

He would have retaliated , but a tenketsu strike to the other shoulder cut him off. He growled slightly. Turning to his opponent, Sasuke found that she already had her byakugan active and was rushing towards him.

He ducked a jab to his head, side-stepped one to his leg and dodged one to his stomach, but was caught off guard by the kick which slammed into his cheek. _'Since when do Hyuugas kick...'_

"Raiton: Hiradageki!" (Lightning Release: Palm Shock)

The girl's palm was instantly surrounded by crackling energy, and she rushed again to attack the Uchiha.

He was nearly hit by the tenketsu strike with her left hand, but dodged, only to have the electric palm slam into his stomach, sending him flying out of the ring, spasming slightly.

"Hinata wins!" Mizuki announced as Sasuke was flocked by fangirls.

_'I can't believe I lost...to a girl...and a Hyuuga no less!'_ Sasuke growled inwardly.

This, of course, left Hinata and Naruto to fight against each other. Some may have expected them to be too shy to fight each other, but they faced each other and were soon in a familiar routine of strike, counterstrike, parry and dodges.

After a heated five minutes taijutsu battle, the two 11 year olds jumped back, simultaneously forming handseals.

Half a minute later, the two of them were still performing handseals. Iruka's eyes widened as he saw the last sequence.

"Everyone scatter!" He shouted. All the children ran as far away from the ring without losing sight of the fight.

"Suiton: Suiryudan!" (Water Release: Water Dragon Bullet Technique)

"Raiton: Raitama!" (Lightning Release: Lightning Ball)

In the face of Naruto's 20ft tall water dragon, the small, lightning ball seemed negligible. The water dragon began to move towards its target, while the ball moved to said dragon. The ball began to expand as it moved, the yellow lightning becoming a stormy blue, until it was as large as the dragon's head.

Everyone thought it still wouldn't be enough.

"Raitama: Katsu!"

The ball of electricity exploded, scattering the water dragon into pieces, sending electrically charged water everywhere. It wasn't far enough to reach the spectators, but Iruka watched in horror as the water fell on the two combatants.

Who had both put up Earth Shields.

The two combatants allowed their shields to dissolve in the ground, running towards each other. Hinata jumped over Naruto's opening sweep kick, jabbing at his chest. Her attack was dodged, and she found herself side-stepping Naruto's punch. She knew that , had Naruto used his Mokuton techniques, she would have lost aeons ago, but Naruto was too nice...right?  
"Mokuton: Mokuwana sado!" (Wood Release: Wood Trap Activate)

Hinata looked down in horror, finding that she had indeed stepped on the small , palm sized piece of wood required for the technique. It quickly grew, twining around her body like vines, holding her in a stiff embrace.

It took Iruka a moment to realize that the match was over before he walked up to them. "Alright, Naruto wins. Erm...good job...everyone go inside! Wait, Naruto...could you..." Iruka asked, vaguely pointing at the wet, pockmarked, burnt, uneven ground thanks to the 11 year old's displays.

"Oh sure!" Naruto said cheerily. He held his hands in the snake seal, brown furrowing for a second. The mud smoothed over, grass regrowing till the training ground was back to its normal form.

"Don't you need some sort of jutsu for that?" Iruka asked incredulously.

"What type of ninja would be stupid enough to make a jutsu for smoothing out some mud? That was just Earth Manipulation!"

_'Earth Manipulation?' _Iruka thought dully, looking at the flawlessly smooth floor with fresh, even grass, like a noble-man's lawn.Shaking his head wryly, the scarred man walked into the class, where he _wished_ all the children would be obediently sitting on their desks. Which they were, thanks to Mizuki.

"Ok children...I have observed lots of things from the fights – the first being that Shikamaru, Sakura and Ino will stay after school every day for remedial taijutsu where you will learn the Academy style."

"But-!" Ino began.

"No buts. The rest of the children have at least taijutsu on par, so they do not need to learn it but you must." Iruka said finally.

"For this month, the top is Uzumaki Naruto, second is Hyuuga Hinata, third is Uchiha Sasuke, fourth is Nara Shikamaru..."

_'Troublesome,' _Shikamaru thought lightly, glancing at the glare which Sasuke was generously giving to Naruto.

As usual, Naruto's shadow clones popped one by one, giving him their information. His head usually spun for a while, but after 5 minutes meditation, he was able to sort out the information, before making 400 more clones to go back to training.

He usually trained himself after school, or helped Hanabi with her training, but today he had to do something different.  
With that thought in mind, he picked up Hanabi, before setting off towards the Uchiha compound...

Sasuke was pissed. Really really pissed.

Not that anyone cared – they were too busy laughing at his Haruno pink hair and ballerina tutu, even the fangirls were giggling madly.

Of course, he had no idea _why_ they were laughing.

_'I love genjutsu...'_ Naruto thought , smirking at the Uchiha.

_'This is his fault...'_ The Uchiha thought, growling slightly. He was about to confront the evil-doer, when the teacher walked in.

Iruka walked in, not batting an eyelid at Sasuke's odd outfit. He began to call the register...

"Inuzuka Kiba..."

"Here!"

"Haruno Sasuke..."

"He-WHAT?" Sasuke shrieked slightly.

"Ms. Haruno..." Iruka scolded. "Please be silent while I call the register."

You could practically _see_ the fumes as Sasuke sat back down angrily.

Actually, thanks to another quick Genjutsu, you _could_ see the fumes. Smelled like roses, too.

The register went on, before Iruka put the book down, pulling out a chalk.

"Today we will be learning about Binomial Theorem..."

Groans reverberated throughout the class.

"Open your books to page 57."

Everyone did so, expecting to find mind-boggling lists of a's, b's, n's and x's...instead, they found themselves staring at very...graphical pictures of Sasuke participating in...less than approving actions with large, hairy men. Shrieks reverberated through the room , though many fangirls fainted, blood running from their noses.

Sasuke moaned slightly, causing the whole room to stare at him.

"I mean, uhh...ewww!" Sasuke shouted loudly, throwing the book away.

"Eww...homo!" Kiba, the ever homophobic shrieked.

Just then, another Iruka slammed into the classroom, sweaty and quite vexed.

"Naruto..." he growled menacingly, the other Iruka gulping slightly. With a puff of smoke, it disappeared. The remaining teacher turned to find the perpetrator, but found that Naruto's desk was already empty. He sighed angrily, before disabling the genjutsu on Sasuke, and the genjutsu on everyone's books.

"Ok class, since you all _failed to recognise such simple genjutsus _, we will be learning genjutsu today, and there will be a test on it on Thursday."

The class moaned, and the same thing was on their minds...

_'Damn you Naruto...'_

The year passed quickly, Naruto always coming first in the fighting, while Hinata always came first, beating even Sakura, in the knowledge. Before he knew it, the graduation day had come.

"Ooooohhh holy loooog..." Naruto chanted the mantra, meditating in the school playground, upside down on a branch. It _was _6am, but Naruto decided that, best really early that really late.

Besides, he could pray to the log.

"Ooooh saviorrr..."

2 hours later (but still 1 hour early), Hinata arrived, carrying a scroll with her. They greeted each other, before Naruto asked, "What's in the scroll, Hinata-chan?"

Hinata sent a pulse of chakra into the scroll, where it said _Heat Seal_, and with a popping sound, 11 heavenly bowls of Ramen appeared.

Naruto took 10, eating fast, but not in a disgusting manner. Hinata ate her one bowl silently, looking at her friend.

She wondered a bit, imagining a future where she would marry Naruto. Little blonde haired children, with lavender streaks and large, pale eyes...

She snorted, giggling as she imagined it. Like she would _ever_ go out with Naruto – she saw him as more of a brother, it would almost feel...incestuous.

Naruto sent her a questioning glance, before shrugging, _'Women...'_

"So, Naruto...do you remember the 7 upper body critical areas?"

"Yes, the brain, the solar plexus..."

They reviewed material with each other for another hour, testing each other and doing some last minute studies – even though neither needed it. As more children began to arrive, they abandoned their studies and greeted their friends – which was nearly everyone, except Sasuke and his merry band of Fangirls. Before they knew it, they were sitting in a class, test papers infront of them.

"Start!" Mizuki shouted, activating a timer.

_'Let's see...'_Thought Naruto,_'Ninja A is 30 metres away from ninja B, who is on a cliff, 10 metres above the ground. The wind blows towards the South at 3mph. At what angle should Ninja A through a kunai of 3kg to hit Ninja B? Easy...'_ Naruto quickly solved the questions, sure he would do good. He had once thought that, maybe he should fail on purpose or something, but Hinata had quickly talked him out of that.

_Flashback_

"_Hinata-chan, I might like, hide my skills." Naruto said, eating his sandwich._

_Hinata swallowed her bite, replying. "Oh? And what would such a thing pertain to?"_

"_Well...I'd fail, or get just the pass mark on purpose I guess...and maybe I'd lose on taijutsu more often..."_

"_Are you retarded?"_

"_No!" Naruto said defensively. "The core of being a Ninja is deception and stealth!"  
"Does that involve deceiving your comrades?" She asked, slightly sarcastic._

"_Well..."_

"_Besides, are you willing to let Sasu-teme beat you up?"  
"No!"_

"_Then it's settled. No failing." Hinata said, taking another bite._

_End Flashback_

Naruto sat back, rereading his paper, before putting it down and chewing his pencil. He looked around, finding Sakura staring ahead with a smug smile, Sasuke just about finishing, and Hinata relaxing.

The test quickly finished and the children were lead outside to a sparring ring.

"Now we will test your taijutsu." Iruka began. "You will engage either Mizuki or myself – however we will not fight back, only defend. Your goal is to score one hit on us."

Mizuki pulled out a bowl, filled with names. "First up is Ino!"

Ino entered the ring, and although it took nearly three quarters of the allotted 5mins per person, she finally managed glance a punch against Iruka's shoulder.

"Next...Sakura."

Sakura's fight was almost identical to Ino's, but she managed to hit Mizuki with a kick to the shin.

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke faced Mizuki, getting into his Uchiha stance. Although, had Mizuki been fighting back, he would have lost, he managed to land a backhand in a mere 20 seconds. His fangirls fawned, cheering over him.

"Beat that, dobe," Sasuke said scaldingly. All his fangirls sneered at the blonde, saying degrading comments.

"Naruto!" Iruka called, stepping into the ring.

"Begin!"

**Punch!**  
Oh how Naruto loved the Shunshin.

"With a record time of...0.5 seconds...Naruto passes this phase..." Mizuki said, slightly disbelieving.

Sasuke growled. _'Where does he get this power? I need this power, he does not deserve it! I need it to kill Itachi...'_ Sasuke said, ranting angrily. Naruto walked back to his friends, who offered him congratulations.  
Everyone else managed to score a hit, Hinata beating Sasuke with an open palmed hit to Iruka's stomach after just 10 seconds. That just served to drive him into more of a fury.

The raven haired boy walked to the 'Dobe'.

"Dobe. Where did you get your power?" He growled.

"The log hast bestowed it unto me, so I may serve it."

"Cut the bullcrap!"

Naruto gasped angrily.

"The Holy Log is not bullcrap! I'll show you bullcrap!"

With a few handseals, Sasuke found himself sitting in...and smelling some illusionary bull turd.

"You're kidding me right?" Sasuke said angrily. "Kai!"

The shit disappeared, but the smell stayed, and no amount of frantic _Kai!_ would get it off for some reason. Iruka walked over to the frantic boy, touching his forehead and muttering "Kai..."

The smell disappeared, Iruka wondering how Naruto could weave a high chuunin level smell altering genjutsu...Mizuki meanwhile called the children in for their last test.

The children all took a seat in the class room to which they were lead, while Mizuki and Iruka entered a small, plain door in the corner of the room. Mizuki then poked his head out and shouted for Kiba to enter.

As the chatter began, Kiba nervously entered , coming back barely a minute later, the proud owner of a forehead protector. Naruto cheerily patted him on the back, waiting for his turn. Everyone managed to get their forehead protector, except the nameless academy student dude who was mentioned a couple of chapters ago...

Anywho, soon enough, Naruto's name was called, Iruka's scarred face appearing to call him. He confidently walked into the room, finding himself in an unused classroom, Mizuki sitting on a desk, while Iruka was standing up , holding a clipboard, chewing a pen.

"Ahh, Naruto..." Mizuki began. "I'd like you to display a Henge please."

Naruto, without handseals or even talking, became a Log.

"Okay then." Iruka said, ticking something on his bored. "Clone jutsu please."

"Which one?" Naruto asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I know 6..."

Iruka's eyes bugged out, but he remained calm. "Well...display whatever you like. You can get extra credit if I find your other ones are good."

"Bunshin no Jutsu!" Naruto muttered, making a seal. 4 illusionary clones appeared.

"Mizu Bunshin no Jutsu." 4 Narutos formed from a cup of water next to Iruka, who frowned slightly. _'I was going to drink that...'_

The water clones fell in a splash of water, some falling to the ground, the rest returning to the cup.

_'He got a lot of that water from the air...' _Mizuki thought.

"Tsuchi Bunshin no Jutsu."

Nothing happened at first, then three Narutos outside knocked on the window. "There's no rock here, and I didn't want to spoil the floor by bringing some up." Naruto said in a way of explanation.

"Alright. Continue." Iruka said.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu..." Naruto intoned , 5 clones forming. Just as quickly they puffed into smoke.

"Kaze Bunshin no Jutsu." Naruto said, this time using two hand seals. The clones formed looked exactly like a shadow clone, but when dispelled, the surrounding floor got cut deeply.

_'I've never heard of wind clones...'_ Mizuki thought wryly.

"And finally...Moku Bunshin no Jutsu!" Naruto said, making 3 clones which grew (quite grossly, in Mizuki's honest opinion) from different parts of Naruto's body.

"Ok...well...I could honestly pass you with just that, but I think you should show me a Kawarimi."

Once again with nary a sound nor handseal, Naruto kawarimi'd, a leaf appearing where he was.

_'Did he just Kawarimi with something THAT SMALL through a SOLID OBJECT?'_ Iruka thought incredulously, referring to the wooden wall. Naruto kawarimi'd again, the leaf dissapearing as Naruto came back into sight.

Iruka handed him a forhead protector, which he tied around his waist. "Congratulations Naruto, you are now a fully-fledged leaf genin. You will find out your teams tomorrow, at 9AM. Don't forget to come!"

"Thanks Iruka-sensei!" Naruto said cheerily, exiting. He was quickly greeted by Hinata, who, seeing his new adornment, was quick to congratulate.

"Congratulations Naruto!" She said happily. "We both passed! And I'm second...You're rookie of the year!"

"Oh...hehe...I didn't think of that." Naruto replied. "Thanks though! How about some celebratory Ramen later?"

"Oh...Oh I can't." Hinata replied, her tone apologetic. "I will probably have to spend the day with my family."

"Alright then." Naruto said, still slightly cheery but not so much. The two friends sat back down, waiting as Iruka tested one last person before finally exiting. He stood infront of 9 newly promoted genins, and he begun to give a speech.

"I have no doubt that you have all learned at least something in the past year, but the mark of a true teacher is one who learns from his students, aswell as teaches. And if there's one thing I've learned from all of you, it's that you will not appreciate a boring long speech. Tomorrow, 9 o'clock! Be there!" Iruka said, his puff of smoke as he shunshin'd drowned out by the sound of cheering. Naruto walked out, alongside Hinata as the silence died down.

"So when will your fa..." Naruto began as the walked into the playground, "Oh speak of the devil, there he is!"

"And never a paler devil there was." Hiashi replied, inwardly smiling. Naruto gulped nervously, wondering how on earth the Ninja had heard him from so far. "Come, Hinata, we must go."  
"Bye Hinata-chan, Hiashi-sensei!"

"Naruto, you are invited to dinner later, at 9'o clock."

"Really?" Naruto asked excitedly, brightening up immediately. Hinata's face betrayed her surprise.

_'This is odd...the feast with the Hyuuga is at 5...which obviously means...Father invited him to our small personal meal!'_ She thought...It was odd how Naruto had wormed his way into her immediate family's hearts.

"Yes. Besides, if I did not invite you, Hanabi would surely wreak vengeance. And hell hath no-"

"wrath like an angry woman." Naruto completed wisely.

"I was going to say an angry Hyuuga, but that works too." Hiashi said.

"See you later, Hiashi-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed happily, before shunshining off.

Naruto sat on the hokage monument, meditating. He had several hours till he needed to even get home to get ready, never mind go to the Hyuuga household, so he decided to get some minor training in. The blonde boy expelled some chakra from his tenketsu, allowing it to dissipate. He carefully tracked where the chakra went to, thus serving two purposes – increasing chakra control and improving chakra sensing skills.

Naruto decided to change his method, using the chakra he expelled to control the wind around him. It began to spin around him gently, ruffling his spiky hair. He increased the speed, but kept a tight fist on the control, wondering where this random experimentation would get him.

He loved random experimentation – it was how he had made the Kaze bunshin!

The wind continually spun around him, gaining in speed. Some pebbles from nearby got pulled in, becoming grey streaks in the moving wind, also inspiring the young lad.

He at first attempted to add earth chakra straight away, but quickly found himself losing control of the wind. He released the earth chakra, reaffirming his hold on the wind. It seemed the earth chakra was too...solid for the flexibility of the wind. He'd have to find another way to combine them.

So, with nothing else to do, he released some water based chakra from his hands, allowing his tenketsu to release wind based chakra continually. It was very hard to concentrate on both, but his experience with mokuton allowed him to do so. As soon as Naruto released the water chakra, the rapidly moving wind became a speedily moving torrent of wind-powered water.

It was to that sight Mizuki walked to the top of the monument. His plans to get the scroll had still not developed, and once he saw the majestic blue orb of water, a slightly shimmering figure of Naruto barely visible behind it, a proverbial lightbulb lit above him. He waited for a couple more minutes till the young blonde decided to let go of the water.

"Mizuki-sensei! Can I help you?" Naruto asked , having sensed the man before he even got to the monument.

"Oh...uh...well, as you know you're the number one rookie...but we both know you're talent exceeds such a position." Seeing Naruto's silence, Mizuki continued. "So I have a proposal – you can be instantly promoted to Chuunin if you can complete a task for me."

"Really?" Naruto asked excitedly, not believing the man for a second. His Log senses were tingling.

"Yep!" Mizuki replied, his hope increasing. "All you have to do...is retrieve a scroll from the Hokage's office and learn at least one jutsu from it, you will be promoted to chuunin! The scroll looks like this..." Mizuki said, showing a photo he had retrieved from Orochimaru.

Naruto instantly recognised it. He had seen it in his 4th or 5th time in the Hokage's office, having asked what it was. The Sandaime's simple reply was, "The Legacy of Konoha's Skill."

"Meet me in the forest at 7 if you manage!"

"I will , sensei, in the name of the log!"

Sorry for being so late everyone =/


	7. Chapter 7

Naruto held the scroll tightly, jumping through the trees with his Practice Traveller's log firmly strapped to his back and adrenaline running through his veins.

Naruto was anything but stupid, and when Mizuki had offered his proposal for 'quick promotion' to chuunin, Naruto hadn't believed it for a second and had decided to act as a double agent for the Hokage. However, what the hokage _didn't know, was that Naruto was acting as a __triple agent. For himself._

He could see his destination in the distance, but he knew he was still early – and so he continued with his plan.

The young blonde had an impressive ninjutsu arsenal – however, he only knew around 15 Mokuton jutsus, 3 of them being of his own invention – it was mostly lack of sources for jutsus, Yamato-sensei often holding back the strongest ones due to Naruto's evident youth. However, this scroll was made by _the log pope- it was __bound to contain many mokuton jutsu, aswell as some suiton from the second Hokage… and while the boy had agreed with the Sandaime on their plan, he would do anything for such jutsus._

With that in mind, he stopped jumping, getting into a meditative position. He was no fool, knowing that the Hokage was probably watching him right now with that crystal ball of his, and so he pulled out a paint brush and some rice paper (Which turned out to be optimum medium for sealing due to better chakra conduction – who knew?). With swift & thick strokes, Naruto painted several kanji with his ink-dipped brush, before laying them around him. He channeled chakra into the perfectly & gracefully made seals, and watched as a barely visible dome of shimmering twinkles enveloped him.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The Hokage's crystal ball glowed for a second, shimmering blue kanji spiraling outwards. As the jutsu activated, he began to search for the blonde boy.

XXXXXXXXXXX

He closed his eyes, sending chakra into the scroll and visualizing it perfectly in his mind. A few seconds later, the wood from the branch on which he sat began to mutate, seemingly regurgitating a perfect replica of the forbidden scroll. Nary a second later, a moku bunshin also melted out of the branch, grabbing the replica and dashing off.

The seals stopped glowing as Naruto stopped channeling chakra into them, disintegrating the rice paper with the activation of a small seal on the corner of each paper.

The seal which he had just used was the invention he was most proud of- depending on small details which he painted, it would replicate the surroundings in the past few seconds to all those outside the dome. All the sandaime had seen when he had scanned over that specific area was the branch, with no seals, no Naruto and no scroll as it was a few seconds ago.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mizuki was severely creeped out.

He was at first rather excited – finally, his mission would be complete, and he could go rejoin his master! However, his trek to his meeting place with his soon to be victim was horrible – the trees themselves seemed to attack him, paths being shut off by huge webs of branches, his kunai pouch snagged by a low hanging branch, wolfs howling in the distance.

A clone of Naruto followed slowly, suppressing his chakra as far as possible while still managing to perform jutsus. He held back a snicker as Mizuki's trousers were 'accidentally' pulled down for the third time by a branch, before applying a fear-inspiring genjutsu. After an hour more of torture, Mizuki finally found his victim (mostly because the Naruto was bored), sitting in a clearing , studying the scroll.

"Ah Naruto! Excellent job –" Mizuki began, "Now, just give me the scroll!"

"Hmm…" Naruto began. "Naah!"

"Naruto! Give me the scroll, or you'll be demoted back to academy level!" The grey haired man threatened.

"News flash – traitors can't demote anyone!" Naruto sneered. Mizuki immediately dropped the kind teacher act.

"So – you found out." Mizuki scowled – he would have to use his trump card. "Have you ever wondered why everyone hates you, _demon?" He spat out. Naruto pretended to flinch, widening his eyes and letting off a vibe of sadness._

"Because…_you are the kyuubi!" Mizuki roared, expecting Naruto to freak._

"And _you are a hermaphrodite!" Naruto replied. "The log has forbidden any form of traitorous behavior, and I must punish you."_

"The log? Bullshit. What's the log gonna do to me huh?" Mizuki asked, ripping a branch off a nearby tree. "See? I havn't received any holy wra-!" Mizuki screamed. A ray of golden light struck him, setting him on fire as the Holy Chakra of Log burned him. Naruto immediately dropped the scroll , bowing to the floor with reverence.

The ray of fiery light stopped just a few seconds short of killing the traitor, leaving Naruto to gather his bearings and encase the man in wood. Mizuki was opening and closing his mouth silently, gaping like a fish – the pain was terrible, but in all honesty he wished he had died – if he had, then he wouldn't be in Ibiki's cells for the next few weeks.

An ANBU agent came from nowhere, grabbing the wood encased traitor and leaving without a word – all part of the plan. With that done, Naruto dispersed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Naruto who was currently smoothing the creases in his white kimono barely flinched as he received the memories of his clone.

**_"Mission success,"__ Kyuubi said in his mind, it's voice deceptively feminine_****_ , "That's another load of your mind."_**

Naruto ignored the beast in favour of reading The Holy Book Of Log for twenty minutes or so till it was time to make his way to his generous hosts. He began to go to the door but stopped in front of a mirror on the way – he smoothed out some creases , neatened his hair (well, as neat as it could get), made sure he still had his spare kunai and made a clone to stay with his Traveller's log. With that all done, he left the door, locking it and shoving the key in one of his inner pockets

He made his way through the dark streets, barely illuminated by some weak street lights, kicking a pebble and reciting some _verses of log as he walked. He was around half way there when he hear d a sound._

_Thump_

Curiosity piqued, Naruto made his way towards the sound, his ears leading him to a training field, just in time to see…

_ThumpthumpthumpCRACK!_

With a final mighty kick, the boy in green spandex cracked the wooden training post in half. Naruto suppressed a shriek – he would need Hanabi's expert advice to punish _this heretic. He quickly absorbed all the possible details, from the bowl cut to the wide eyes and orange leg warmers, before continuing on his way. He arrived five minutes early, entering with a curt greeting to the guard there._

The house was lit warmly, the pipes flowing with warm water under the floor tiles keeping his (now) bare feet warm. He looked around in approval of the lack of dead logs – he had done a good job! Hikage entered the room, greeting him warmly.

"Naruto! How have you been? It's been so long since you visited little old me!" She said, pinching his cheeks good naturedly.

"I'm sorry Hikage-san! I just got so caught up in training, and the academy...I've been fine thank you! How are you?" Naruto replied, sitting on one of the comfortable lounge chairs.

Before the Hyuuga matriarch could reply, Hanabi came running in with a black kimono embroidered with sparkling logs, her traveller's log firmly strapped to her back. "Blessings of the Log upon you!" Hanabi said excitedly, sitting down as Naruto replied in turn. Being used to the oddity which was these two, Hikage simply ignored it, content to watch as the two children chattered on. It wasn't long till Hinata joined them, the three of them speculating on the amazing missions they would go on, princesses they would save, dashing thieves they would catch…Hikage held back a snort, not wanting to burst their bubble.

Half an hour passed before a timid servant came to tell them that dinner was ready – Hinata thanked her warmly, before grabbing Naruto's arm and leading him to the dining table, where Hiashi was already seated. Naruto greeted the man, before taking a seat in between Hinata and Hanabi.

The eldest Hyuuga daughter had warned Naruto prior to keep his stomach empty, and as the smell of the food wafted on to him, he had to suppress the rumbling of his stomach. Servants began to walk in, each holding silver platters, trays and bowls full of food. The table was soon groaning under the strain, and Naruto couldn't help let out a small 'Woah'.

Hanabi let out a most un-Hyuuga giggle. "This is just the appetizer!"

Everyone began to dig in, however, Naruto & Hanabi first chanted in unison, "We thank the Log this day for this bountiful meal, and we beg the Log to bless us and protect us as it always has, and we vow to uphold our side of the bond with the log. Itadakimasu!"

The dinner lasted 2 hours, and honestly, Naruto couldn't remember most of it , the time passing in a blur of talking, laughing and eating. Afterwards, they all sat in the living room, sipping tea and relaxing – somehow Naruto found himself getting into a long talk with Hiashi about politics, and somehow he learnt something.

Hiashi was actually impressed with the boy – he was rather creative when it came to solving, and so with a few minutes of thought, he turned to his daughter's friend.

"Naruto, I am told you wish to become Hokage?"

"If the log wills it!" Naruto replied, a gleam in his eye.

Hiashi bit back a sigh, before continuing. "I would like to schedule you politics & etiquette lessons – 4 lessons a week." Naruto was about to protest, but Hiashi cut him off, "Naruto being Hokage is not easy! Can you imagine a scenario where you have 10 jonin rank ninja out on the field, however they are all in danger of dying. You could let them die, or you could send your best friend to help the jonin – the jonin would live but your friend would perish. Can you imagine the burden of such decisions?"

Naruto was silent for a second, before, "Alright Hiashi-sensei – and thank you." The time quickly approached midnight, Naruto having being caught up plotting the spandex freak's demise with Hanabi. Seeing the late hour, Naruto excused himself, promising to visit early in the morning to pick up Hinata so that they could go to the academy together where they'd be sorted into their teams.

Naruto was dead tired, but he summoned a dozen clones to get busy while he slept.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The ringing of Lee's phone woke him up, and he immediately ran to it to answer. He was shocked when a croaking, dark voice answered him.

"_Your youth will end in … seven…days….." _Lee slammed the phone down, holding down a scream.

"NOT MY YOUTH!" He screamed, rushing to the shower. He felt slimy.

He was just beginning to take his pyjamas off when he glanced at his visage in the mirror – and he nearly had a heart attack. His youthful hair was withered grey, skin pockmarked with liver spots and drooping off his face, a mass of wrinkles. He fell to the floor, screaming. "N…no…my youthfulness! My golden flames of youth are slipping! MY FLOWER OF LIFE HAS WITHERED!"

Lee nearly gave up, but he was a genius of hard work, and resolved to regain his youth with rigorous, glorious training. He entered the shower, quickly getting clean, and nearly fainted from relief when his image showed the return of his youth. He let out tears of joy, signs of his springtide of youth overflowing, and he began to comb his hair into the most youthful style of the jejune Maito Gai!

However, in his horror, nothing was going as he willed. His arms seemed to be independent of him, applying hip gels which he had never purchased and combing in a most unyouthful style –soon his hair was done up in a most juvenile way, thick waves of silky hair covering his scalp. It reminded him of that singer who had once taken the elemental countries by storm – what was his name, Pelvis Esrley?

No matter what he did, the horribly hip hairstyle wouldn't leave him, and with a heavy heart, he decided to counteract the hip style with the most youthful thing of all – _spandex!_

Rushing to his cupboard and yanking the white door open, he fell down in horror.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto walked to the academy slowly, Hinata by his side, the both of them speculating on which teams they would be placed in. Suddenly, birds flew from every tree in sight as an ear shattering scream reached them.

**_"MY SPANDEX!"_**

Naruto chuckled slightly, Hinata sending him a puzzled look , but neither of them halted for a second, continuing their way to the academy. They arrived just on time, sitting next to each other, as Iruka began a long speech on the duties, responsibilities and dangers they would be facing.

"Wake me up when he's done," Naruto said, taking a nap. Hinata moaned – she had wanted to sleep!

"Wake me up when he's finished," Hinata said tiredly, poking Kiba, who had been about to sleep.

"Ey bug boy!" Kiba said rudely, looking at Shino. "Wake me up when he stops." However, he was surprised to find Shino fast asleep, as well as Shikamaru. "Choji?" Snores greeted him back, and soon Kiba just gave up and began to doze.

"-it is important to rem…" Iruka said, before being cut off by a loud snore. Everyone in the class was asleep – including the usually respectful people, like Shino and Hinata. Was he really _that boring? _Turning to his assistant Noriko, Mizuki's replacement, he nearly flipped when he found her fast asleep. He was about to merely wake the students up with a predictable shout and a scary big head jutsu, but instead he smirked. He began to prepare.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What the f…" Tenten began as Lee walked in, the epitome of sex on legs. His leather pants firmly hugged his legs, a jet black leather jacket fitted over a white shirt with a flaming skull on it. Lee's usually bandaged hands were instead covered in black, fingerless gloves, a skull-themed watching hanging off his wrist. His usually cheery visage was in tears, but that's not what drew Tenten's attention.

_'That hair…SEXY!' _She thought_ – could this really be Lee?_

"MY YOUTH! GAI-SENSEI, I HAVE BEEN STRIPPED OF MY YOUTH AND BEEN LEFT IN THIS…_HORRID…S_TATE OF HIPNESS! MAKE IT_ ****__GO AWAY!"_

_'Yep, it's Lee. I should really go thank whoever did this.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Alright then…" Iruka muttered quietly. He flipped through a dozen handseals, concentrating as he said, "Water Shot Barrage Technique." He aimed for quantity not quality, 31 baseball sized globes of water floating behind him.

_SPLASH!_

Screams galore, and soon everyone was glaring, and soon after that, everyone was laughing. Who knew _Iruka _had a sense of humour? Iruka noticed faintly that Hinata & Naruto were totally dry, Naruto somehow making the jutsu just…disperse, before it hit them.

Ignoring the display of skill, Iruka began to talk. "Well, I guess the mark of a great teacher is one who learns from his students – and if anything, I've learnt that you won't appreciate a boring speech. SO! Team 1…"

Naruto began to converse with Hinata, perking up when he heard the names of people close to him.

"Team 7…Sasuke Uchiha…"

_'Pick me, pick me…' _Every unassigned girl except Hinata thought quietly.

"…Yamanaki I-"  
"TRUE LOVE ! IN YOUR FACE FOREHEAD GI-" Ino began to shout, however, she was cut off by Iruka.

"And Haruno Sakura! Jonin sensei Hatake Kakashi."

Immediately, the two harpies began to argue, but everyone tuned them out.

"Team 8…Nara Shikamaru…"

Although the said Nara didn't make any move, he was rather surprised – he had expected himself to be assigned with Chouji & Ino. He kept an ear open , wanting to find out the rest of his teammates.

"Hyuuga Hinata…"

The said Hyuuga began to look at her other teammate, before begging that the Powers that Be had decided that her other teammate would be…

"Naruto Uzumaki! Jounin sensei-"

The windows smashed as a purple & beige blur flew in, bouncing off a wall and landing on Iruka's head. As the motion stopped, the blur revealed itself to be a young woman, violet hair done up in a short & somewhat spiky ponytail. A tan trench coat barely covered her mesh body suit, which stretched from her neck down to her thighs, a dark orange miniskirt visible to all those present. While the rest of the males were content to leer at those details, the present Nara & Uzumaki were busy absorbing every detail – the shin guards, the snake fang pendant on a thick cord, the dark blue belt & the light brown, pupil-less eyes.

"The sexy & single Mitarashi Anko!" The odd woman, now identified as Anko screamed. No one made a sound as she calmly devoured three sticks of dango, before deftly throwing the sticks towards the students. Hinata & Naruto easily caught the ones aimed at them, Shikamaru deflecting his with a pen. "Alright you maggots! Meet in training ground 44…_now!" _She shouted as she disappeared in a whirl of leaves and oddly a hissing, snake like sound.

Naruto was about to dash off when Iruka stopped him. "Naruto…training ground 44 is known as…the forest of death…"  
Naruto suppressed a nervous gulp, instead opting to jump out of the shattered window, using a shunshin mid-fall. He arrived just a millisecond before Hinata, standing silently as Anko analysed her students.

The tokubetsu jounin was … excited. She had never had students before, and when the Hokage had forced this on her she had been alarmed at the prospect…but toying with these maggots may just be some fun…

Shikamaru arrived a few minutes later, having not been able to use the Shunshin. Naruto resolved to teach it to him as soon as possible.

"Alright bugs!" She announced, purposely raining spittle on the genin infront of her. "You may feel happy that you passed, but I'm about to knock you off your high horse – out of the 10 teams which passed, only a third will actually continue on to become genin."

"What do you mean, Anko-sensei?" Hinata asked.

"Us jounin-senseis must provide an additional test – not some stupid written test, or taijutsu test in a controlled environment – no, we need to see your aptitude at surviving the real world." With that , she disappeared in a blur. "Follow me insects!"

Glancing at each other, the three genin dashed off into the gloomy forest, wondering what this odd woman held in store for them. They soon arrived in a clearing, but with a shunshin, they found Anko staring at them from a high branch above.

Although the forest's namesake was death, the three genins had not seen anything worthy of worry – however , that was about to change.

_SPLASH_

The three genin tried to get the liquid out of their eyes, rubbing fiercely. "Is this…_gravy?" _Naruto asked.

Shikamaru gulped fearfully.

"It's just gravy Shikamaru…" Naruto began.

"Yeah, gravy…gravy in a forest full of hungry animals, tigers, bears and…"

"Oh tigers and bears will be the _least of your worries." _Anko said maliciously. "Your task is to…survive, for two hours." And with that, she disappeared.

A twig snapped, and the three genin assumed their fighting positions, back to back. A rustle in the bushes , and before they knew it they were facing a pack of wolves, around 12, who formed a circle around the shinobi.

The alpha wolf let out an angry growl, before lunging towards Naruto, who ducked , watching as Hinata's palm soared over where he had been, smashing the wolf in the nose. With a pitiful whine, the wolf slunk back, before attacking again with the whole pack behind it.

The three genin began to fight back, however, they didn't want to kill the wolves. Barely 2 minutes passed before Naruto made a dome out of wood, activating a jutsu to light up the dark space. He could hear the wolves clawing at his shield, but he ignored it.

"We need a plan," he said, looking at his prospective teammates.

"I have an idea…" Shikamaru began. After 5 minutes of consulting, the dome fell.

_'Shit…' _They all thought simultaneously as they saw what they were facing. Wolves, tigers, bears, bear-sized spiders and a butterfly faced them, angry snarls on all their faces. They wasted no time in beginning their plan.

Three Naruto clones popped out of nowhere, all of them rushing through seals. Wood began to sprout from the ground, grabbing legs, paws, tails and heads, restraining a lot of the animals. At the same time, Shikamaru activated the Shadow Sewing technique, grabbing a dozen and a half wolves, and soon all the animals were restrained. "Hinata, quick!" Shikamaru groaned, the effect of the jutsu quickly burdening him, as he had barely mastered the use of that specific technique.

Hinata nodded, gathering some chakra and activating the lightning palm technique. She then began a complex series of acrobatics, jumping, pirouetting, leaping, flipping and cartwheeling, but in less than a minute, all the animals were stunned. Several Naruto clones began to drag them into a huge pile, before constructing a huge cage of wood. They should be out for a good three hours, which neutralized that threat for the duration of the exam.

They were just about to relax when a scuttling, loud, _tap tap tap reached t_hem. Again they assumed the back to back position, but Hinata, with her byakugan active, saw the threat first.

"Oh my…"

"What is it Hinata-chan?" Naruto asked.

"A 10 meter high spider…with fangs the size of a tree."

"Oh Holy Log sustain us!" Naruto shouted, effectively drawing the attention of the humongous arachnid, who emerged from the trees into the clearing. The three of them rolled in separate directions , dodging a ginormous pincer. Naruto and Hinata shared a knowing glance, before they grabbed Shikamaru and shunshinned up to a branch.

"Shikamaru, any ideas?"

"Yes – I've read a manual on disabling boss summons, and this shouldn't be much different. First…"

Soon they were enacting another of Shikamaru's plans. Naruto & Hinata jumped from the tree, occupying the spider while Shikamaru rushed through the bushes.

Naruto rolled to the side, narrowly dodging the leg which would have pierced through his body. He ran towards the spider, dodging another leg and jumping up till he was level with the spider's cephalothorax, sending a vicious axe kick. However, he collided with the spider's shell , bouncing off with a pained leg. He was about to attack again when Shikamaru's whistle reached him.

Both he & Hinata jumped back, watching as hundreds of kunai attacked the spider. While the arachnid was distracted, two clones launched Hinata towards the spider, her palms crackling with purple electricity. The Hyuuga landed on the creatures head, before she began to attack the spiders soft points. A couple of attacks on the head, some lightning jutsu directed to the creatures underbelly, and soon the monstrosity was stunned.

Seeing his turn, Naruto quickly activated a jutsu. Wooden appendages exploded outwards towards the beast, 8 in total, each aiming for a leg. As each leg was hit, the wood detached from Naruto's body, spiraling around the spiders leg and attaching to the ground, until the spider was held by wooden shackles in a corkscrew fashion.

However it wasn't enough, and as the spider regained mobility, it began to struggle against the bonds. Shikamaru quickly threw several kunai, thick steel ninja wires attached to each, and he managed to skillfully trap the spider. Naruto quickly pulled out his jet black whip, using his chakra to change it to two wakizashis. He channeled wind chakra through the right one, viciously attacking the spider's underbelly. He narrowly avoided the spilled guts and innards as the spider was sliced open in several directions, but couldn't avoid the splatter of blood. The spider groaned, but did not die till Hinata exploded a Lightning Ball in the thing's face.

As the spider fell, the three fell back with a gasp. Seeing that they smelled of blood and gravy, Naruto quickly used a water jutsu to rid them of the worst smell, concealing the rest with a genjutsu. Anko walked in, clapping slowly.

"Excellent job – It seems you instinctively grasped the meaning of the exercise."

"The meaning, Anko-sensei?" Shikamaru asked. This was all so troublesome.

"Tell me – would you have been able to neutralize the threat of the animals if you had each acted alone? Would you have been able to kill that spider solo?"

"Teamwork!" Naruto said, "That was the meaning, right?"

"Yes. A team with individually skilled members will be useless if they cannot act as a cohesive unit… anyway, you maggots stink. Go! You have the day off, meet at the dango stand on street 42 tomorrow at 5AM SHARP!" She said, an evil glint in her eye. "Cause that's when _training begins…"_

The three gulped nervously as their sensei disappeared. "How about some celebratory Ramen?" Naruto said cheerfully. "We didn't really get a chance to get to know you Shikamaru," Naruto began.

"Naruto and I already know each other very well, but if we're going to be a team we should get to know each other…" Hinata added. Shikamaru inwardly groaned.

_'Troublesome.' _However, so far, his team didn't seem too bad – they were skilled & effective, and despite the fact that one was undeniably mental, they were both amicable people, willing to work as a team. He'd be stuck with them for, at the very least, 3 months, when the next chuunin exams were scheduled, so he should at least be on good terms with them. But honestly_…Ramen?_

"You know, Naruto, I was hoping we could eat something other than Ramen. In fact…I sort of have a picnic basket read-"

"YES!" Naruto shouted happily. "The log hath truly bless't me today! Hinata make's the _best_ picnic baskets."

"Alright then," Shikamaru said, "Let's get cleaned up and meet at the ramen stand. I know a really awesome place to eat the picnic."

"Fair enough." Naruto replied, before shunshinning to his apartment. A mere 10 minutes later, the three genin had met up in the ramen stand and was being led by Shikamaru. They were walking for a good twenty minutes till they reached the spot, but thankfully Hinata kept the picnic basket heated with the application of chakra.

Shikamaru led them to a hilly area, neatly trimmed grass waving in the evening breeze, the sunset visible over the Hokage Mountain in the distance. Hinata opened the basket , and his eyes widened as the smell of his favourite food – mackerel and kelp – reached him, and although he previously didn't feel hungry, he was suddenly ravenous. Smirking, Hinata handed him a plate with the food on it, as well as a mug of hot, sweet tea. Naruto found himself served with, what he dubbed, the Hinata Special Ramen – a mixture of hot spices, salty broth, various meats and some deep fried vegetable. A bowl of red bean soup was also placed in front of him , while Hinata had some cinnamon rolls and a bowl of zenzai.

As they ate, they talked quietly. They didn't bother with any "introduce yourself" things – as that was rather lame. In fact, they talked about each other's abilities, strengths & weaknesses – and somehow that conversation left Shikamaru with the unbelievable urge to train. After hearing the big bunch of varietal skills which was Hinata and Naruto, he felt like a one trick pony, and though it was troublesome, he decided to change that.

At around 5, they decided to go their separate ways. Shikamaru made his way straight home, entering the Nara compound and searching for his father. He found the man in the Nara medical lab , crushing some antlers to make some of the Akimichi Food Pills for his good friend Chouza.

"Ah, Shikamaru, what brings you here? Did you pass the genin test?" The scarred man asked.

"Yes, dad, I did. But…I need your help."

The man stopped what he was doing, turning to his son. "What would that pertain to?"

"Dad, I want you to teach me. I know I've always said it's troublesome, and although I've always wanted to be an average ninja, I don't believe that's going to happen with the likes of Naruto & Hinata on my team. So…teach me."

The elder Nara was surprised – his son wanted to learn? No matter how much the man usually bugged the younger Nara, he would always be 'busy' – and honestly, at his son's current skill level, he was afraid that the child would be endangered in the Shinobi world. Looking at the gleam in the boy's eyes, he felt proud, and in around two seconds he drew up a lesson plan, taking into account time spent with his team, festivals & holidays, long missions, percentage probability that the boy would pass the chuunin exams…

"Alright then. Let's get started…" He announced firmly.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto was on his way home when he felt a familiar present. He nearly squealed in happiness – he's back! With two quick shunshins, he was at the gate, ready to greet the man.

"Blessings of the Log upon you." Naruto said happily.

"And to you, my log Oshiego! How have you been?" Yamato asked. He was tired, bloody and sweaty, but it was a joy to see the blonde haired child. The said kid was currently relieving him of his packs, sending a clone to take them back to his house.

"Fine thanks! How was the mission?" Naruto didn't know exactly what the S-Ranked mission had involved – but it had taken a massive 3 months, and the blonde was curious.

"The log blessed me , and I have completed the mission. But that's nothing – I managed to make a pilgrimage to The Great Oak!" He exclaimed.

"WOAH!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A few minutes, Yamato was offering his mission report to the Hokage, while Naruto waited outside. As he was dismissed , the Hokage ordered him to tell Naruto to enter. As the blonde did so, Yamato went home to shower.

"Hi old man! How are you?"

"Fine thank you, take a seat," The Hokage said. "Well, first of all, thank you for your help defeating Mizuki. Since he was a traitor, then that mission technically classifies as an A-Rank, and you will receive pay accordingly."

"Really? Thanks old man!" Naruto said, knowing exactly what to do with the money.

"That's not all of it. The spider which Anko had you defeat…well, that wasn't the original purpose. Anko was originally going to summon a large snake to see how you could handle it, however the Oujougyoushou served a purpose. There was actually a bounty on the beasts head, as it had once killed a wealthy merchant's wife. It is a significant sum , nearly double the value of the S-Rank pay, and I'm trusting you to split it equally between your team."

Naruto was gobsmacked. If this was true then he could finally …

"Oji-san…Can you tell me if there are any empty plots for sale in Konoha?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Barely half an hour later, Naruto walked in the moonlit streets, with lots of money in bills and the lease for a plot. Granted, he had dipped into his savings a bit, but he had a _plot. Even if the plot was on the edge of the forest of death...it was still a plot! He quickly delivered his teammate's share of the cash to their clans, with a note to each, before running home._

He had some planning to do!

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Well there we are. I think I uploaded too soon, as I had to update the chapter thrice before it was right XD My line breaks kept dissapearing, and I accidently renamed Hinata's mother to Himiko O.o

No update for at least 2-3 weeks D: Exams coming up.

Oujougyoushou =death monger (monger is someone who deals in a specific item, so the Oujougyoushou deals in death. According to that translator at least…)

I won't pretend to be knowledgeable in Japanese, and so I'm not going to use translators for jutsus except cases like Rasengan and Daichihoka.

Still looking for a beta reader! 3

Oh and when anothvortex reviewed I think I pissed myself out of happiness xD Love all your reviews! 3 They're like crack

Beash out! If anyone has any ideas for heretics & their subsequent punishments as well as any Omake's , do PM them  
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	8. Chapter 8

As per Anko's orders, team 8 met at the designated meeting place at 5AM in the morning, droopy eyed and sleepy. Hinata & Shikamaru were both excited at their first proper earnings in the ninja career, but soon Anko arrived.

"Alright maggots!" Anko shouted , appearing suddenly behind Shikamaru who barely suppressed a shriek.

"Don't scare us like that!" Naruto shouted. "The Log frowns upon scaring comrades."

"The log?" Anko asked, confused.

"Don't ask." Hinata advised – however, Anko resolved to find out what Naruto was always going on about.

"Anyway…where was I?" Anko continued.

"Something to do with flesh eating larvae." Shikamaru replied sardonically.

"Ah yes, maggots! It's too early for any missions, so instead we'll train for a while. Now, first thing every morning will be calisthenics."

Naruto snorted, "Calisthenics Anko? Really? We've all been doing pushups and situps and jogs for years. Teach us jutsu!"

Anko threw an ever present dango stick at the blond, but using his control of wood, the stick disintegrated. Mumbling something about ungrateful zealots , Anko contined.

"I'll tell you what's different than your usual training at home…" The violet haired woman made her way to Naruto, pulling out a paint brush. "Extend your bare wrist." Naruto did so, and soon the woman began to paint. Naruto , being an aspiring fuinjutsu master himself, absorbed every detail, and by the second brush stroke he knew exactly what she was doing. He squealed, but didn't move – if the seal got messed up just _so_, it could explode – or implode- he wasn't sure which was worse. Soon, Anko finished the seal, commanding the boy to keep his arm still as it dried.

The woman quickly did the same for the other members, and once she deemed the seals dry, she activated each one by touching the seal with two fingers of her left hand and putting her right in a half-tiger seal. Each time she muttered, "Ninja Arts: Weight Multiplication," and the gravitational pull (i.e. Weight) of the unfortunate sealed person would double (Hinata) , treble(Shikamaru ) or even quadruple (Naruto, who groaned.)

"Alright maggots! Laps around the village, pronto!" To emphasize the point, she summoned three snakes, which chased the terrified & heavy limbed genin around the city for a good two hours, till the summons dispersed and the three of them collapsed. Shikamaru didn't miss the fact that, despite the fact that Naruto had double his weight multiplier, he had barely broken a sweat.

"Oh Log, that was exhausting!" Naruto exclaimed, and though he didn't show the same bodily strain as the rest of his genin troupe, he was telling the truth.

"So tired…" Hinata murmured.

"I'm tired too!" Anko said, appearing out of nowhere. "Tired of hearing you moan! PUSHUPS, PRONTO!" A chorus of groans were her reply as the three genin got into position.

At around 9AM, the battered genins collapsed. That was _not calisthenics._ That was _blue, bloody murder!_ Naruto had been cursing Anko with every name under the Log, Hinata content to merely try to breathe, while Shikamaru couldn't even muster the energy to talk. Too troublesome anyway.

"Now my little minions," Anko said, a positively evil smirk on her face. "While you recover from our light training, we should consult each other. We are now a genin team, and there's two ways we can go about it – we could push most of our efforts into getting missions done, or we could work on our abilities as a team and train."

They all thought for a second, before a proverbial light bulb lit up above Naruto's head.

"The log hast blessed me with knowledge!" Naruto exclaimed. "Why don't we do both?"

"Both? Gaki, we can't be in two…places…at…once…" Anko said, slowing down as she caught onto what the boy was thinking. She knew he could perform several corporeal clones.

"Exactly! I can make clones which can henge into disguises of Shikamaru and Hinata, and while they build up our mission reputation, we can train!"

Shikamaru was all for it – free mission rep, and he'd have to do nothing.

"Better yet," Anko said, and suddenly Shikamaru had a bad feeling, "Each of us will summon our own clone. The strain of upholding a clone throughout the entire day should also help to increase our chakra reserves."

Shikamaru groaned.

"Okay then, who here cannot perform a corporeal clone?" Only Shikamaru raised his hand, but before Anko could suggest anything, he spoke up.

"Our clan has a specialized clone, which is actually the origin of the shadow clone technique." Shikamaru said, sending a knowing glance at his blonde teammate.

"Alright!" Naruto shouted happily.

"Okay then, my original plan was to train or do missions for the rest of the day, but that's changed. We'll do one mission, and then Shikamaru will return to his clan to learn his clone technique after some light sparring between team members. Well, time is money – let's get to the Hokage's office."

Soon they were entering he large, red building, making their way to the assignment desk where a chuunin handed out D-Ranks. Any mission above that was handed out personally by the Hokage, and soon they were back on their way.

"It's just a cat," Naruto said, "Should be easy, right?"

Anko decided not to burst his bubble, but found herself surprised that she didn't need to – his bubble was left unscathed. Hinata quickly found Tora with ease, Shikamaru analyzing the cats movement and managing to lead it to a bunch of trees. As soon as the cat climbed up, it let out a shriek as the tree's branch itself wrapped around the feline, bringing it down to Naruto's waiting arms. Of course, to avoid scratching, he cocooned it in a blanket of wood.

Just under two minutes later, the team returned to the Hokage tower with the cat, taking the mission pay and leaving an awestruck chuunin. Two minutes – world _record!_ Even some chuunin teams end up chasing the nimble feline hours on end, and this was just the first thing of many which would gain the team fame.

On their way out, they bumped into team 7, only just coming in for their first mission. Naruto was surprised to find out they passed.

"Sasuke-teme! What're _you_ doing here? You passed the exam right?"

The two female members of team 7 began to look at the ground, shuffling their feet, while Sasuke began to angrily glare at everything. Kakashi quickly greeted Anko, before ushering his now-forlorn team onwards.

"What was that all about?" Naruto asked, once they had walked a decent distance from the tower.

"Well," Shikamaru began, everyone turning to listen, "Word is that they _failed_ the exam – my father told me that the purpose was teamwork, however the two girls refused to co-operate, each vying for Sasuke's attention, while Sasuke only treated them as an annoyance."

"How did you know?" HInata asked.

"There was a huge argument about it in the council. While in all ordinary circumstances, they would have been sent to the academy, the majority of the council showed major favoritism towards the Uchiha, and so they let them pass."

"What? Those…cheats!" Naruto growled – if anything, he hated people who didn't work for what they got. It was one of the main reasons Naruto hated the Uchiha clan – the sharingan was just despicable!

"Nevertheless…" Anko said as they reached a training ground. "Hinata , you spar Shikamaru. Naruto, you spar me, but weapons only."

The pairs went a distance from each other, both fights beginning on an invisible mark. Shikamaru instantly sent his shadow out to Hinata, who had trouble dodging due to the weight on her body. However she managed to get close to the boy, and soon they began a battle of taijutsu.

Meanwhile, Naruto threw two kunai at his opponent, swiftly pulling out his jet black whip. Anko herself pulled out two iron dagger-axes much to Naruto's surprise. He had never imagined Anko wielding the _Ge_. Naruto pulled out a hook-ended kunai , wielding it in reverse grip with his left hand. As Anko approached, his whip snaked out, but she deftly avoided it with barely a movement. Anko swiped the dagger side of her weapon with her left hand, before attempting to pierce Naruto's leg with the axe of her right. Naruto dodged the first, blocking the second with the hooked kunai, replying by aiming for Anko's head with the whip.

The violet haired woman noticed how adeptly Naruto controlled the whip, sensing how he used chakra to help shape it. She blocked the vicious thing, smirking. This would be fun.

Hinata ducked the kunai sent after her, before throwing three shuriken at her teammate. "Lightning Release," She muttered, performing a handseal, "Shuriken Storm."

Thick strands of lightning exploded from the shuriken, singing the Nara as he narrowly dodged one. He thought it was over when Hinata slammed her palm into his back, expecting a vital tenketsu to be hit, but he was surprised to find her pulling back, throwing four more shurikens each with an odd seal inscribed on them. "Ninja Arts: Homing Technique!" She said quietly, and to the boy's horror, the shuriken began to follow him , even as he dodged. Hinata then summoned a water clone, applying double pressure as she attacked.

Shikamaru quickly figured out how Hinata had slapped a seal on to his back earlier, but he couldn't reach it. With that in mind, he ripped off his jacket, throwing it at the Hinata clone. Unprepared, the shuriken tore through the jacket, slamming into the clone, before falling on the seal, motionless.

The clone dispersed into a fine spray of water, and the battle was about to resume when Anko called for a halt. Hinata glanced at Naruto, who was putting away his double wakizashi–come-whip with a smile on his face. Anko was strong, very strong, and it had been exhilarating.

Soon Shikamaru was making his way home, leaving Anko with the other two genin. "Alright then, Hinata, come here." The violet haired woman handed the other girl a piece of chakra paper, before continuing. "What I want you to do is to channel your chakra, but purposefully hold back the lightning aspects of your chakra. I'd like to find out your secondary attunement, if you have one."

The girl found it difficult the first time, but she managed to do it, finding the paper bursting into flames.

Naruto chuckled. "Between Hinata-chan and I, we have all the elements covered."

Anko was suddenly struck with an idea. "Why don't you two think of combinational techniques between you two? I don't think you could quite invent a jutsu yet," At which point, Naruto coughed slightly but didn't say anything. Hinata hadn't undergone the vigorous elemental manipulation as he did and hadn't invented anything. Yet. "But you could at least combine Jutsu,"

"Hmm…" Naruto thought out loud. "I have an idea!" He quickly whispered something into Hinata's ear, who nodded unsurely. Remembering what he had done on the Hokage monument, he began to release chakra from his tenketsu.

The wind around him began to whirl about his body, and once it was at sufficient speeds, Naruto balled water chakra in his hand, before adding it to the orb of moving wind around him. It instantly became a controlled tornado of water , at which point Hinata began to collect lightning chakra. Carefully activating the Lightning Palm jutsu, she pressed her palms against the moving water.

The effect was instantaneous, the water becoming charged, crackling with lightning and charring the grass on which Naruto stood. On a whim, Anko threw a kunai at the moving , electrical water, and was nearly decapitated as it exploded back at her, only saved by her deeply ingrained instincts.

She was awed at the power, however the jutsu was destabilized and Naruto found himself blown several metres away, hair charred from the shock. It seemed the jutsu was volatile if not carefully controlled, but it was an interesting concept.

For a few hours, Naruto's clones trained a variety of things, from the different forms of his weapons to a mokuton jutsu from the Forbidden Scroll. Anko meanwhile taught Hinata a fire jutsu, before coming back 3 hours later to tell them to go home and relax for tomorrow.

Hinata quickly went home, hankering for a shower – however Anko held back Naruto.

"Tell me. Tell me of the log."

Naruto was absolutely delighted to do so, and began to explain the fundamentals of the Great Log, it's role in the life of ninja. "And there was a time of despair, where the warrior wept for his fallen comrade, the log. His wooden body shattered, his sap of life spend.," He quoted.

But in this time of grief and agony, there was hope, for the warrior knew that the splinters would become fertile soil and his comrade will awaken anew, for the circle of log and life shall never end.

-Book of the Sapling, Verse 3, Chronicles of Log Sage Ryousanki ."

Anko was fascinated. She felt so enlightened, and could not believe how she had lived this long in ignorance. Suddenly her dark world was alight with the Will of Log burning brightly in her soul, and she had purpose.

The two ninjas went to their respective homes to shower , before meeting again. Naruto led her to an obscure place, where a great oak stood in a clearing. She followed the boy, up the tree, and several hundred metres later she arrived at what Naruto identified as the loghouse of central worship.

It was an elegantly made treehouse, obviously the work of Yamato, spacious and simple. All that resided in the house was a small shelf with copies of the Holy Book of Log and the Log and I manual, three bean bags in the middle of the building. A few more spares of the bean bag lay in the corner, the only other noticeable features were excerpts of the book of log decorating the walls in elegant, gold kanji on parchment.

Naruto walked to one of the four walls, placing a palm against a large seal and letting chakra flow in it. Barely 10 seconds later, Hanabi appeared in a puff of smoke, Yamato right behind her. With a glance at the seal, Anko could see how Naruto had created some sort of two-way kawarimi, usable with just the application of chakra. In fact, a large pile of rice paper was present to facilitate the use, but Anko couldn't fathom how they kawarimi'd through walls.

"Logs blessings upon you." Naruto said, his two friends replying accordingly. "Alright then! First thing – as of yesterday, Hanabi & I have punished our 10th heretic, and such at some point we will make a pilgrimage to the Great Log and procure our traveler's log." Yamato clapped abit, wondering what Anko was doing here. "As for you Log-sensei, I know you have only punished two heretics, however , you may punish the rest with our new convert – Anko!"

Yamato & Hanabi cheered, clapping, and before they knew it, they were all sitting on the bean bags in the middle, enjoying some snacks, laughing, discussing the log and just having fun. By the end, Anko actually exited the treehouse with a smile – and not the sadistic type she'd give to her next victim – no, a light hearted , true smile. She immediately returned home, praying forgiveness from the Great Log and planning to get rid of all the Dead Logs in her apartment.

Hanabi went home , however, Naruto stayed with Yamato some more, discussing a certain thing, with which Yamato was more than happy to help

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, instead of waking up at the usual 5AM, we find Yamato & Naruto awake at the ungodly hour of 3 AM, walking towards the forest of death. As they walked, Yamato taught Naruto a trick which kept the majority of forest animals from them – just exude a slight bit of killing intent, as if a personal deathly aura would counteract that of the forest. Naruto was surprised to find out that this was the difference between the great predators of the world – they had the ability to exude a killing intent.

Soon they arrived in quite a large clearing, littered with various trees and bushes. With the slight application of chakra, those trees and bushes were swallowed into the ground, appearing at the edge of the clearing, giving a totally empty, if unkempt area.

The first thing they did was level the ground, as it was harder to do what they wished on unsteady and sloped ground. Once it was perfectly smooth, they worked together on fixing the grass to a respectable height – although their powers mainly involved wood control, it gave some form of control over life. Soon the area was perfect – perfect for building.

Naruto & Yamato had had a long debate about this matter before building the Loghouse. Naruto had believed it was disrespect to the Great Log , using it's cousin as materials for buildings of mere humans. However, Yamato won the child over, describing how one would be closer to the Log if it was continuously appreciating its blessing. Also, the fact that their wood did not come from actual trees, originating purely from raw water , earth & chakra, helped a lot.

With the help of Naruto, Yamato instantly began to work, barking instructions to the young boy. Yamato had more experience creating buildings using his mokuton, and so he knew all the architectural background without a problem – it did help that, due to his attunement to wood, he could feel where structural reinforcements were needed and such things. By the time they had built the bulk of the building, Naruto was also beginning to develop such a feel.

It took 2 hours of careful building, reabsorbing the wood and rebuilding, till Naruto thought it was perfect. The two of them stepped back, Yamato breathing heavily, as they assessed their work.

The building was three stories high – and cookies for anyone who could guess, it was shaped like a log. The entrance consisted of two, high standing logs with nothing inbetween, and Yamato was confused how it was a door if there was nothing there – however, Naruto asked him to leave, and he was offended at first, till Naruto told him it was a surprise.

As the brown haired man flitted through the trees, Naruto took out a fine brush and walked towards what would soon be his new home, a smirk on his face. As he neared the large building, he took out a huge blueprint, summoning a stand of wood to hold it while he thought. First he went to the door, deftly painting a seal on both logs. He then made a large slab of artfully made wood, perfectly sized to fit inbetween the two logs and close the gap, before allowing the Earth to absorb it. He then added another few brush strokes to the seal, before stepping back. He then channeled some chakra through the seal, and watched as the wooden slab rose up. He channeled again and watched as it disappeared.

Smiling, he put his hands together in a seal, focusing his chakra. A few seconds, large Thuja Emerald Greens sprouted from nothing, forming a thick hedge around the clearing. He painted a seal in the ground infront of the two facing Konoha, channeling chakra into the seal after it was formed. Naruto watched as the two bright green, dense trees gracefully bent away, creating an entrance.

'_Excellent._' He thought, before walking to all four corners of the plot and placing seals there. This wasn't guaranteed to work, as he had only ever tried it in small areas, but nevertheless he allowed chakra to flow into the Master seal (which controlled the rest).

A shimmering dome formed, but summoning a clone and ordering it to go outside, Naruto could see that the house was still slightly visible. He then placed four more seals, totaling at eight and activated again, his clone telling me the building now successfully looked like the rest of the surrounding forest. He had used a seal combination which was similar to the one he had used in the Mizuki incident, however over a much larger area, and combined with a genjutsu which encouraged people to veer off another side when coming in this direction.

Hey! He wanted his privacy.

The boy then entered his house, frowning – the silence was deafening! He began to get to work, furnishing and decorating as far as his mokuton abilities allowed him – seeing as it was free, he crafted elegant and stylish tables, chairs, bed frames – anything he could think of. While he would have to buy pillows for chairs, mattresses for beds etc. he was euphoric – he finally had a house.

He couldn't quite call it a home – contrary to the common saying, Home is not where the heart is – home is where the Log is. Naruto sat for a bit, just thinking. Right now the only skills he had were ninja related – and while that was good enough, it could not occupy his life all the time. His skills were quite strong and varied, indeed, he could easily take on a jounin after the three years of vigorous training, however when it came to life he was a one trick pony. He decided to learn more!

Three mokuton bunshins shunshinned off, each holding a large wad of cash. Naruto had been saving for several years, and now he was feeling severely broke, and he knew at this rate he'd have _just_ enough for the basic necessities. That would not do. Leaving 30 kage bunshins behind to further his non-shinobi skills, and three _hundred_ to further his shinobi skills, Naruto dashed off to the Hokage office.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sir," The chuunin infront of the Hokage began. "The D-Rank missions are beginning to pile up, and we're beginning to get complaints."

The Sandaime frowned, thinking. What on Earth could they do though? After doing the first 30 or so D-Ranks, genin teams would just do C-Ranks, and although a new genin team or two meant less D-Ranks were present, they were never fully taken care of.

As if it was a kamisend, Naruto burst into the office.

"Oji-san! I need your help." He said. The hokage ordered the chuunin to depart, before turning to his other subordinate.

"Yes Naruto?"

"Well, I'm sorta low on cash," Naruto announced. The hokage groaned inwardly – the boy was of course going to ask for some… "I was wondering if there are any spare D-Rank missions lying around?" Naruto asked.

A proverbial lightbulb lit over the Hokage's head. "I may be able to redirect a few…" He said as they began to discuss.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

Ten minutes later, Naruto walked out with twelve mission scrolls and a plan. He quickly made his way to an empty training ground, summoning 48 clones.

"Alright y'all!" He spoke up. "Henges, people!"

Instantly the 48 Naruto's image changed, all becoming grey-clad teens with grey masks and simple sandals. Twelve of them were slightly taller, and all had the Konoha logo on the front. In bold black text, "Konoha Ninja D-Rank Service," was written.

This was the plan of Naruto & Hiruzen – at first Naruto had wanted to form a totally independent group, but Sarutobi had feared that the ninja corps would get a bad reputation and less income from the lower ranked missions. Sarutobi decided to make it seem like a branch of the already present ninja corps – and due to their disguises and slight illusions on hair colour and visible skin, they all liked like different people, but the mask prevent any close scrutinization. This way, Konoha would get a better reputation with civilians requiring D-Rank, the konoha income would increase and of course so would Naruto's!

Naruto quickly shared the scrolls out, splitting his clones into 3 D-Rank Dummies and one Taller D Rank Dummy. They quickly dispersed, ready to do their jobs.

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Shikaku had been surprised that his son insisted on waking at 4AM in the morning to go over the Darkness clone, but he happily obliged.

"Alright then Shikamaru. One more time!" Shikaku announced, watching his son perform the Tiger hand seal, followed by the Nara unique seal. Shikamaru's shadow split in two, the second half bubbling up and forming an exact replica, bored expression and all – except the eyes were noticeably empty. "Excellent son – the more you practice it the faster it will form. Now the Darkness Clone has advantages and disadvantages over the Shadow Clone – It won't die in one hit, depending on how much chakra you give it, but you will feel around 10% of the pain they feel, though it won't cause injury. If you become a true master of it, then you will feel no pain Like the shadow clone, Darkness Clones can be used as an advanced speed way of training, however I don't believe you will be able to use it as effectively as Naruto. Also, the fact that you create it from your shadow means that other shadow related techniques will not be as powerful."

Shikamaru absorbed the information without a sound, already calculating various battle plans with this data.

"Now, at some point, when I deem you ready, I'll teach you the Advanced Darkness Clone technique."

Shikamaru's interest was piqued. "Dad, can you show me it?"

"Sure son." Shikaku, showing his mastery over the technique, didn't even use a handseal. Shikamaru noticed some marked differences in the creation – instead of dividing, his dad's shadow duplicated, and the clone looked exactly the same, including the eyes. "Now – punch the clone."

Doing as his father willed, he slammed his fist into the clone – only to find the area of contact darkening to a pitch black, before the clones body distorted, opening an empty space where the fist hit. Shikamaru's mind whirled at the possibilities. He _had_ to learn that!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

5 AM came, Naruto , Shikamaru & Hinata meeting up at the dango stand. They were all surprised – usually Anko was early in anticipation of some torture for her students.

When she _did _arrive, Hinata & Shikamaru's respective jaws dropped and Naruto smiled proudly. Gone was the slutty uniform, replaced by a loose, thick wood textured trench coat, tied around the waste with a heavy sash. Loose leather trousers replaced the mini skirt, the ends of which just overlapped her steel toed boots. Her snake pendant was replaced by a log one, and a log was strapped to her back. Shikamaru sighed.

'_Naruto, you're contagious.'_ The Hokage thought from his office, the corners of his lips lifting as Hinata gushed over her sensei's new look.

"The log hast taught me the ways of modesty! I shalt reflect that in the way I dress." Anko said, her eyes twinkling. Hinata found this, almost romantic, before she turned around . "ALRIGHT MAGGOTS! CLOOOOONES UP!

Naruto made a moku bunshin, at the same time receiving the memories of another clone. Each time a group of clones had finished their job, they would create a clone which would dispel to inform their master. Up till now, Naruto clones had already done 6 missions. Two of them had been Tora, the beast having escaped the Daimyo's wife mere minutes after being captured.

As the Clone Team 8 set off to begin D-Rank missions, Naruto began to talk. "Uhm, guys, before we begin training can I show you something?" The team found themselves being led towards the forest of Death, where Naruto took them to one of the western edges. He took them to a seemingly empty spot, but all of them felt the urge to go a different way. Naruto told them to ignore it, dragging them, and as soon as they entered the invisible bubble, the tall trees came into view. Naruto led them to one, asking each of them to spill a drop of blood on the roots.

With some confusion, they did so. The tree glowed, after which Naruto told them to channel chakra into it. When they did, the trees bent away, opening up for the group, satisfying Naruto that his seal worked.

"Wow…" Hinata said, gasping at the tall, log structure. Anko merely gazed in wonder – it was…_amazing._ Shikamaru simply congratulated Naruto on getting a house.

"Give us a tour?" Anko asked. Naruto happily obliged, taking them first to the door, above which was engraved , _"Home is where the Log is."_

Once again , the three teammates spilled a drop of blood on the seal, the door now allowing access to them. Already some clones had begun to furnish the place, using the money made in the morning, but it was still rather bare. Naruto showed them around, showing the bathrooms and briefly explaining an ingenious invention of his.

"It's called the Toilet." Naruto said to the three viewers staring at the pristine white object. "Right now it's not fully functional, but basically anything that goes in is kawarimi'd with fresh sea water. My clone is on his way to the sea now to implant the other end of the seal. Of course this has amazing pranking capabilities as well…"

Anko immediately imagined Sasuke with the receiving end of the seal – can you imagine losing a hair every time someone shits, only to get splattered?

They continued the tour, through the kitchen, the living room, several bed rooms and showing them the wonderful view of the Hokage Monument from the top of the building. He then led them to the bottom again, going to a room which they had not visited yet.

Naruto jabbed his finger, allowing the blood to touch a seal. The expertly constructed piece of fuinjutsu absorbed his life essence with a sucking sound, allowing the door infront of them to open, revealing a room full of various shinobi supplies, including job-specific outfits and several weapons. Before they could take a good look, Naruto opened a trap door, jumping down, the others quickly following.

They were in pitch black, a large open room as far as Anko could tell. Naruto's voice echoed ominously.

"Welcome…to my dojo."

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Okay I try to never be pathetic when it comes to reviews and stuff, but I was kinda disappointed last chapter P: I'll live, but I'd have much more motivation if I had much more reviews

Check out the poll on my profile!

**THanks to Ryousanki for the log quote used above :)


	9. Chapter 9

"Oooh I'm so sc-WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" Shikamaru suddenly asked as the lights came on. He found himself standing face to face with , what seemed to be, a huge, leather, foam filled penis.

"Ehh…Advanced punching bag." Naruto replied, glancing at the black object. The Dojo was a humongous room, filled with all kinds of things, including a small warm up course, weights, LOADS of practice dummies (Made of foam filled leather of course), straw practice targets, three separate sparring rings and a large chest. Doors on the west side of the room lead to an advanced acrobatic obstacle course, ranging from huge, swinging, spiked balls to pits of razor-sharp spikes, while doors on the east side led to necessities such as the kitchen , a bathroom (with again the ingenious "toilet") , a shower room etc. One room was locked, Naruto refusing to tell them what it was, but the team could hear signs of activity in there.

"What's in the chest?" Anko asked, walking towards it.

"Err…I wouldn't do that if I were you…" Naruto said, but his sensei and fellow log worshiper ignored him, walking over the warm, tiled ground to the box. She flipped some latches before lifting the lid slightly, but to her surprise it sprang open, a horrid screeching sound emerging.

A huge, black ghost like creature appeared, boney frail hands poking out of the somehow scary looking tattered, black rags. It let off an ominous aura, seemingly sucking the happiness from the room, and it began to descend on Anko.

Who laughed.

"What the fuck is this, a haunted jack in the box?" She said, before turning to the monster.

Suddenly the screeching stopped, replaced by a piteous whimpering sound. Naruto & Shikamaru groaned empathically, watching as Anko nutted the poor thing before shoving it back where it came from.

"Where in the name of Kami's breasts did you GET that, Naruto?" Shikamaru asked.

"I'unno."

'_**Probably from one of those stupid crossovers…'**_ Kyuubi commented, but not knowing what he meant, Naruto ignored the beast, turning to Anko, who predictably said…

"Alright maggots! Time for our light training!" And with an ominous hiss, they were running laps around the dojo.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
Kakashi wished he could just fall down and die. He had only been the genin teacher for a couple of days, but it was living hell. Was this Karma?

Even if he _did_ have the disposition to teach his students, they weren't very accepting. The only type of sparring Sakura & Ino would ever partake in was catfights over who could stay with Sasuke. Sasuke himself was at his nerves end, sick of all the fangirl attitude of his teammates.

Sasuke needed power – it was a given fact, and though he may act like an ass, he appreciated Kakashi's attempts to teach him. The boy was currently attempting the tree walking exercise, but could not concentrate as his two harpies were fighting again – however he pulled through, and managed to get to the top. Giving him a view of team 8 , training as a cohesive unit in a nearby training field. It was infuriating to see them work together like a well oiled machine, no bickering, no screeching and _no fan girls._

He was usually a rather stoic boy – content to his brooding and not really bothering himself with others – however seeing the performance of team 8 really snapped any tolerance he had for his fangirls.

"Sasuke loves ME mo-" Sakura was shouting when she was interrupted by the loud thump of Sasuke landing in front of her. Kakashi looked on in interest.

"Listen you _pathetic_ excuses for ninja," Sasuke spat out, startling the girls. "This is not a joke. I am sick and tired of your endless _bitching_. I was _going_ to try change your minds, make you want to be good kunoichi, but _fuck that._ I hope you guys _ die _on our first decent mission, not that we'll ever get one seeing as how _pathetic you are._"

The two girls were shocked silent, nearing tears.

"And just so you know, I don't like fucking long hair, short hair, pink hair, yellow hair – I DON'T CARE ABOUT HAIR! OR HEIGHT! OR WEIGHT! In fact, the way you starve yourselves like hookers just takes you up a notch or two in my 'pathetic' list – a true ninja should be training so much that they lose weight even if they gourmet on Dango all day!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Anko ducked under Shikamaru's kick, before holding her hand to her nose. Naruto's eyes widened, before screaming , "SCATTER!"

His clones didn't heed his warning, and were hit with the full blast of Anko's terrible sneeze.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"S-Sasuke…" Sakura began, crying.

"Don't talk to me. What type of ninja cries huh?" Sasuke said, stalking off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, after training, Anko found herself walking to a bar where the jounins held the Monthly Poker Game. It had become a sort of tradition, to just relax once in a while with each other. Now usually, men would go slack jawed at the sight of the Sexy Anko, but this time, their jaws dropped at the loose clothing of the Tokubetsu Jounin, though none could deny she still looked rather stylish.

Anko knew that everyone would be surprised, but when Kakashi dropped his book she knew surprise was not quite the word to describe it. Then, with an angry flick, a kunai flew less than a quarter an inch under the silver haired man's crotch.

"Do not leer." She said venomously. "The log hast forbid such immodest procedure!"

"Well…" Ibiki coughed. "This is…weird…" Then sensing Anko's glare, he quickly said, "Not in a bad way! In fact it looks rather…" Killing intent this time. "Modest! Yeah, modest, that's what I want to say."

"I miss the mini skirt," Asuma grumbled , and Anko was about to kick him in the balls, but Kurenai did it for her.

"I for one like the new look." Kurenai said, walking up to her friend and patting her on the back. Anko jumped back, screeching.

"Heathen!"

"What?"

"Kurenai, have some dignity! Why doest thee dress like a whore?"

"WHAT?"

"What she's trying to say," Asuma said, trying to nip the brewing cat fight in the bud. Alas, it was not to be.

"…is that if I tripped up right now I'd probably see your vagina!"

"You bi-"

Anko smirked, before throwing a kunai which narrowly missed the genjutsu specialist. The said kunoichi in fact was so furious that she did not notice how the end of her bandages had been pinned to the table, and much to her vexation and Asuma's delight, she was left naked in front of everyone as she tried to run after Anko, her bandages unraveling quickly.

"!"  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A month came and went, passing fast in a blur of training and missions. Naruto slowly furbished his house, using the earnings he got from the D Rank Ninja Corps (who had exponentially increased the civilians happiness). Naruto decided to actually attend the etiquette, politics & strategy lessons that Hiashi had organized for him, and after the initial headache, found himself getting into it. He spent the majority of his free time furthering the cause of the log, as well as other pursuits.

Anko also spent a lot of her free time in log related issues, but somehow she found herself deigning a lot of it to Yamato. The genial man was rather amicable, and Anko found herself enjoying his company somewhat, but she still made time to visit old friends like Hana (seeing as Kurenai had refused to talk to her since the incident at the poker game). To her surprise, Anko found her skills actually improving with her genin team, as honestly they mostly taught themselves, with her special 'motivation'.

Shikamaru, despite working his ass off more in one month than he had done in his entire 10 years of living, had had more fun in said month than the course of his young life. Although he lamented the lack of time to cloud watch, seeing as his free time was plugged up with learning the clan techniques, it was a fair trade off, if it were only not so troublesome. He tried at least once a week to meet up with Chouji, but he was immensely sad to find the two of them drifting apart slowly, and resolved to change that.

Hinata was also improving greatly, learning several fire techniques from her sensei and developing extremely effective teamwork with the other members of team 8. She and Hanabi were on good terms, often spending free time sparring together – and while the younger Hyuga didn't stand a chance, it was good experience, and she often learnt new things. Seeing her growth, Hiashi had also taken the time to train her a bit concerning clan jutsus. The Hyuuga girl had also found an interest in the medical side of ninjutsu, but instead of finding the girl resuscitating fish, as was a custom exercise, Anko walked in to find the girl trying to _deteriorate _the poor things cells. It was twisted, but the violet haired jounin could see the power behind it.

We now find team 8 standing in front of the Hokage, who stared at them, chewing gum. Ever since the incident with the weed, the old man couldn't go near his pipe without shivering, and so he began to chew gum to satisfy the urges. Naruto had done him a favour, he would find out later.

"Alright then, seeing as you have a record of…" The team smirked to each other, proud that they had deceived the Hokage. "My my!" The old man said, "Your clones have been busy,"

'_Damn.' _They all thought simultaneously.

"90 D-Ranks done!" * "Well, I think you deserve a C-Rank by now." The Hokage announced, pulling out a folder. "Tazuna! You may come in!"

A grey haired man entered, wearing a simple black tank top with a towel hung around his neck, entered. Despite not being young, he was in tip top shape, muscles visible all over his body. He walked in, taking a long look at everyone, before taking an equally long swig of his brown sake bottle.

"These will be your bodyguards." The Sandaime announced, ignoring Tazuna's yelp of surprise.

"These? These…tiny…little…"

"Maggots?" Anko supplied helpfully.

"They're more than enough to protect against some stray bandits and highwaymen – after all that's ALL you will be facing, _right?"_ The Sandaime said, scrutinizing the man, who gulped and turned around.

"Alright, meet at the gates in an hour."

"You heard him maggots! Get prepared and let's get this party started!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto was the last to arrive (out of the shinobi), a mere five minutes late – however no one mentioned his tardiness as they took in his new attire. He wore a black jacket & trouser, both made of a material which didn't seem to crease without movement. They were both plain, the only decoration being white stripes here and there. Gone were the resizable combat boots which he had gotten so long ago, in its place were black standard edition but high quality shinobi boots. A hook hung on each side of Naruto's jacket, held by a white strip of leather connected to the said jacket. A grey velvet cloth was attached to each hook, making a harness for his Practice Traveler's Log to rest on.

A thick, white cap with jet black edges hung snugly around his neck, complimenting the black lower-facial mask which he wore. Right above the black lining, the cape was embroidered with brown logs. Underneath the jacket, Naruto wore a plain white shirt, and underneath THAT he had a full-body mesh suit, made of thick strands of obenite metal. Its purpose was to spread offensive chakra, much in the way that a normal gauze spreads heat, such that an attack would not be concentrated on one area at a very high damage but instead would be a mild(er) damaged attack spread over his body.

All in all, no one could deny how badass he looked, despite the fact that they all noticed a lack of anything ninja related.

"Wow…You look awesome Naruto!" Hinata said, watching her brother figure smile at the compliment.

"Awesome indeed," Anko began, "But…"

"What the hell did you do with all your weapons?" Shikamaru asked, receiving a mysterious smirk in return.

"I had this incorporated a week ago, and have tested it out and it works fine." Naruto began, pulling up his sleeve to show the complicated matrix of seals. He channeled chakra through it, and instantly a kunai appeared, also engraved with a seal. By again applying chakra to the seal, Naruto sent it back, demonstrating the seal again with his whip, some shuriken & a set of soldier pills (Which Naruto had kept in the same dimension as the rest of the objects.)

"That's dandy," Anko said sarcastically, "But what if you had no chakra? Or if something inhibited your chakra use?"

Naruto quickly bit a finger, watching blood well around the quickly healing cut. He then swiped it over the seal and without a sound his whip appeared. Hinata immediately deduced that he had used the ambient chakra present in the blood to activate it and was suitably impressed.

Tazuna then arrived, glancing a second at Naruto's new look before walking straight out the gates of Konoha, trusting that the ninja were behind him.

"So old man," Naruto began, "Let me tell you about the log."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tazuna whimpered, sweating profusely but not moving. He knew that if he moved just slightly, he would be neutered by the blade axe under his crotch.

"Take it back." Anko said , deceivingly calm.

"A-A-Alright! The Log's not bullshit!"

"Good boy!" Anko said, making sure to leave a slight scratch as she pulled back, causing the man to yelp and run forward. The others jogged after him, watching him cross the bridge, on which there was a puddle. In broad daylight. In the middle of summer.

It had not rained for 3 weeks.

Anko, Shikamaru and Hinata continued, Naruto trailing behind them.

"Gimme a sec!" He shouted. "A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do!"

The team feigned looks of disgust, continuing fourth as Naruto unzipped his trouser and pissed on the puddle.

Instantly it disappeared, replaced by two thoroughly urinated-on demon brothers.

"You've GOT to be SHITTING me!" Dumb said angrily.

"Ugh," Dumber replied, "THIS IS DISGUSTING!"

Before Dumb & Dumber could attack, their own shadows drew close to each other, before tying up into a knot. They shrugged, and were about to attack Naruto, who just stepped back and watched as they fell over their own…err…shadow.

"Shadow Knot Technique: Success."  
"Alright then…vermin…" Anko said ominously, licking her lips. Naruto almost felt pity for Dumb & Dumber, because they were well and truly fucked.

It only took three minutes for Anko to extract the information she needed, as both of them didn't want to be castrated any time soon. She had a brief, threatening talk with Tazuna, before walking forth.

"Well, c'mon maggots, what're you waiting for?"

"Uhh…aren't you supposed to consult with us whether or not we would continue?" Shikamaru asked.

"Yeah! And I'd be all stupid & hyperactive about it?" Naruto added.

"And I'd just come along because Naruto's coming?" Hianta continued.

Anko stared at them, before laughing.

"Pff maggots, since when did _your_ opinions count?" She laughing, chuckling as she walked on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

'_Something's wrong...'_ Anko thought as she entered the wide clearing. _'Oh my log-'_"DUCK!" She shouted, pulling Tazuna down.

A huge sword slammed into the tree, digging in almost a foot. Team 8 rolled away, dragging Tazuna with them as they saw the person on it.

Naruto's eyes flickered red.

"You…you…"

"Just give me the old ma-"

*THWACK*

"Did the tree just _fucking slap me?_" Zabuza said angrily, cradling his cheek.

"HEATHEN LOG MUTILATOR!" Anko & Naruto shouted simultaneously, while Shikamaru & Hinata just guarded Tazuna.

"It's just a tree…" Zabuza said, jumping off and narrowly evading where the tree tried to nut him.

"JUST A TREE?" Naruto shouted, struggling to keep back the Kyuubi's influence. "I'LL…

"KILL YOU!" He screamed with Anko, both taking weapons out simultaneously and charging the bandaged man. Zabuza couldn't pull out his Zanbatou in time, Anko nearly cleaving his hand off with her dagger-axes as he neared it. He barrel rolled to the side, just avoiding a deadly strike from the boy's whip, but found himself back flipping away from spikes of razor sharp wood which chased him , emerging from the ground to attack him.

Snakes flew out of Anko's sleeve, nearly biting the missing-nin, who ran through some handseals.

"Mist Jutsu!" He shouted, blanketing the area in a thick layer of fog. Anko and Naruto stood back to back, waiting for the man to do something, while Hinata's byakugan pulsed wildly as she looked for the man.

"The art of silent kill-OW!" Zabuza began, proud he had begun his dramatic tirade, but ball of wood emerged from nowhere, exploding right in front of Zabuza's crotch.

Mimicking Shikamaru, Naruto lazily smirked. "Shotgun no Jutsu…success." He then made a clone to begin siphoning out water chakra from the mist, and surely but slowly it began to thin as Naruto and Anko resumed their fight with the missing nin.

"Anko! Thousand Bullets Technique!" Naruto shouted, creating , literally, a thousand apple-seed sized bullets. Zabuza, who had been sneakily walking to his Zanbatou, suddenly found himself bound to the tree, helplessly hearing Anko intone her own jutsu.

"Great Fireball Technique!" Anko shouted, sending it right after the bullets of air, each of which became a concentrated inferno of blazing bullets.

Zabuza prayed for a godsend, and as if on cue, a solid wall of ice appeared infront of him.

He was however very disturbed to find that the duo's combination attacked had partially melted his assistant's shield, something no ninja had ever done.

Anko & Naruto ran forth, but by the time they passed the mirror, Zabuza had disappeared, as had his blade.

"KNOW THIS HERETIC!" Naruto shouted.

"WE WILL FIND YOU AND…"

"WHEN WE DO…" Naruto growled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Zabuza, flitting around trees with Haku suddenly shivered as he heard the most terrifying voice over.

"_**We will **__**kill **__**you."**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hinata suppressed a shiver – the combination of Anko's killing intent with the Kyuubi influence created a rather devastating combo.

Nevertheless, the group made their way to Tazuna's house, the said bridge builder vowing to never, ever cross the crazy purple haired woman and the crazier blond no log-related matters.

Thank god he had made his bridge out of cement…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Elsewhere…_

Zabuza lay in the bed, resting, but not too badly beat up, since he had been on the defensive the entire time and the Gruesome Twosome had not fully got into the battle before he had to be rescued.

He was however suffering from chakra exhaustion, as while Naruto had been sucking chakra from the mist, he had been continuously trying to replace it.

With that in mind, Haku sat next to him, offering him a herbal tea which was supposed to speed his recovery.

Suddenly the door slammed open, the fat slimy Gatou walking in, a samurai at each of his wide sides.

"I heard you failed. You're not a demon! You're a baby de-" The man ended the sentence with a squeal, staring at the icy tentacles which had grabbed his undersized balls.

"Get out. Before I neuter you." Haku said, watching as the man left.

"Zabuza, I'm going to pick some herbs." The man just grunted, watching as the feminine boy left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Anko, I'm going to go train a bit." Naruto said as he walked out the door, staring at the duo who were walking in the other direction.

Tsunami, Tazuna's daughter, had quickly welcome them, providing them rooms and a hot meal, and best of all – a hot shower. Hinata was fishing, wanting something to practice her med-nin skills on, while Anko & Shikamaru were partaking in some one on one training.

"Alright maggot!_**"**_

Naruto walked into the forest, the 6X Weight Multiplication weighing on his limbs. Anko had decided that they were all moving too easily, bumping Shikamaru & Hinata's weight levels to 4, and Naruto's to 6. Ugh – Naruto did _not _like having a mass of 366kg – he almost felt sorry for the Daimyo's wife – was this what she had to put up with since she was a kid?

Despite that, as he reached a clearing, he summoned half a dozen clones of different types, facing them.

"Alright…" Naruto said, smirking, "Maggots! Let's spar – no jutsu, just taijutsu and weapons."

The six clones shared a glance, before turning to their creator. Naruto shifted into the Tokuken style, planning an attack strategy as he ducked from a clone's kick. He blocked a whip strike, using chakra to reinforce the area where it hit, jumping over a low kick as he did so.

While in the air, Naruto switched to the Flash Fist style, dodging the five or so kunai thrown at him. He landed a few meters away, taunting his clones.

Naruto blocked the first one which punched, slamming two palms in said clones stomach and finishing with a vicious uppercut which dispersed said clone. Naruto found himself in the face of his doppelganger's whip, but he swiftly pulled out his own kunai, blocking the attack and sending a quick double roundhouse to the clone, watching as the wood melted into the ground.

The blond suddenly got a far off look in his eyes, as if staring at something behind the clones. "Look, Ramen!"

"WHERE?" They all shouted, turning around. Naruto, adeptly wielding his double wakizashi, beheaded one clone while stabbing the other in the gut at the same time. The last clone realized his ruse too late, turning around just in time to get a face full of Log, Naruto having pulled it off his waist to attack.

He strapped the log back to his waste, sending a brief prayer to the Great Log, before turning around.

He found himself face to face with what seemed to be a silky, black haired girl, but from the vibe of _his_ chakra, he knew the feminine person was a boy.

"Greetings," The femme boy said.

"Hi there!" Naruto said, puzzling something out beneath the façade. He had felt this persons chakra before…

"I'm Naruto." The blond said, extending a hand. The other boy grasped it, shaking it and introducing himself to be Haku.

"What're you doing here?" Naruto asked.

"I'm collecting herbs for a precious person," Haku replied, pulling what had seemed to be an ugly weed to Naruto out of the ground. "Do you have a precious person?"

"Yes! But I have something much more precious than any human being." Naruto said reverently, stars in his eyes.

"Oh?" Haku said. "When you fight for a precious person, you can defeat anything – love is an odd phenomenon. It turns the mightiest warrior into a shivering mess, but can transform a shivering mess into a mighty warrior."

Silence reigned in the clearing for a second, Haku smiling serenely, believing he had touched the blonde emotionally.

"Laaaaaaaame!" Naruto said, yawning. "The Log is with us all the time. It will never back stab you, it won't hurt you, it won't abandon you and it would always protect you."

"Really?" Haku asked, genuinely wanting to know about the log.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hail the log, the bountiful savior!" Haku hailed.

He had finally found his purpose, and with that in mind, he took a copy of The Book from Naruto, who vowed to meet him again someday. The feminine boy left the clearing without further incident.

After a few minutes meditating, Naruto opened the forbidden scroll. He had made quite a bit of headway, learning half a dozen jutsu from the scroll in the past month. Keep in mind that he had very little free time, and could not show the scroll to anyone.

"Hmm…alright then… Oh what's this? Flash Fist…no jutsu? Interesting…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The boy arrived home, immediately confiding in Anko his encounter with the ice wielder. Her displeasure at him fraternizing with the enemy was far outweighed by her euphoria at another loggist. She did however scold him, before she walked with him to go eat. They thanked the log for the blessing, asking it to forgive Tsunami for the blasphemous wooden table and plates.

Tsunami, seeing as she was serving ninja, had expected the meal to pass with a solemn attitude, but she found herself enjoying it much more than usual, sharing jokes and past experiences with the team infront of her. The moment was shattered when Inari came in however.

"You fools! I don't see why you try, Gatou will just pwn you!" Inari shouted. "There's no use! You will just get owned!"

"What?" Naruto asked, not understanding the terminology.

"GATOU IS HAXXOR!" He shouted, tears streaming down his face. "He will kill you all!"

The boy then ran upstairs, before Tsunami related to them what had happened to Kaiza, who had adopted the boy and also become quite close to Tsunami, before being burnt in public for showing opposition to Gatou.

Naruto summoned two clones, bidding them to help the raven haired mother with the cleaning up, before walking up to the small boy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You miss him don't you?" Naruto asked, sitting down silently next to the boy. The sunset cast a cascade of golds and crimsons over the sky, seemingly fitting for the sad mood.

"What do you know?" Inari said derisively, sniffing a tear.

"I know a lot of pain & suffering. I had no purpose until the Log saved me."

"The Log?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ten minutes later, Hinata heard what she had been dreading. She almost dropped the plate she was cleaning when she heard Inari's squeaky voice shout.

"ALL HAIL THE LOG!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Naruto sent 3 dozen clones to help Tazuna build the bridge. While he had been talking to Inari, he had secretly checked if the boy had the potential to become a ninja, and surprisingly he did.

It took a lot of begging and pleading, but eventually the blond managed to convince Tsunami, which is how we now find Inari & Naruto face to face in the forest.

"Excellent!" Naruto said proudly, watching the boy levitate the leaf. He quickly turned him to tree walking – well, I guess tree walking is unsuitable, since the boy was currently attempting to walk up a smooth, plastic tower. It was actually harder than using a tree, since the tree facilitated more friction.

Meanwhile, 10 Narutos were all busily writing on scrolls of rice paper. Naruto knew he'd be here perhaps a week and a half, tops, but he wanted to leave the child a gift. Deeper in the forest, another fifty clones practiced the jutsu from the forbidden scroll.

Inari had a natural flair for chakra control, mastering tree walking in little under half an hour. Two hours passed, by the end of which Inari had mastered every exercise Naruto could think of, so he began to teach the child Taijutsu. The young child seemed to like the Tiger style, attaching the three senbon on either hand with chakra as he began to go through the movements.  
Each time Naruto taught the boy something, he would feel an inexplicably good & proud feeling. Sure, he had taught Hanabi some jutsus, as well as Hinata and even Anko one or two, but he had never really molded a future ninja.

A week passed, Naruto spending the majority of the time teaching Inari. Due to the two of them staying up late each day training, they would usually wake up equally late, and on this specific day Inari woke up to find that Team 8 were all at the bridge protecting his grandfather.

At first he was grateful someone was protecting the old man, but suddenly a scream shattered the happiness.

'_Mother!'_ He thought frantically. He was about to run to her, when he remembered Naruto's words.

'_Never rush in, for the Log disapproves of barbaric brutes.'_

Inari slowly tiptoed downstairs, finding Tsunami outside being held by two samurai. He thought quickly, knowing that his skills would not be enough for a head on battle. He carefully went by the back exit, pulling out a fist full of grass – his only weapon – and slowly circled the house.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The mist was heavily clouding the bridge, but half a dozen Naruto clones rapidly cleared it up, gaining chakra in the process.

"This time, you stupid zealots will not get away!" Zabuza shouted, hefting his kubikiri houchi. He rushed in, aiming to cleave Anko in half, but with surprising strength she countered, blocking with the dagger axe.

Naruto summoned a dozen clones, sending them to Tazuna, while the original closed in on Zabuza's masked ally, Hinata close behind, while Shikamaru helped Anko from afar.

Anko was strong, but she could not handle an A-Rank ninja herself – well, she could, but she'd most likely die in the process of killing him. However , Shikamaru backed her up from afar.

Anko dodged the kick, attempting to chop off Zabuza's arm. The attempt failed, Zabuza jumping back.

He threw his blade in the air, using his free hands to run through some hand seals. Anko narrowly dodged the ball of water which tried to trap her, Zabuza grunting as he made to catch his sword.

His fist closed around thin air, and he looked around frantically, finding the pineapple haired boy leaning on it lazily, having captured it with his shadow.

The A-Rank nin growled angrily, pulling out a kunai.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Inari was scared out of his mind, but determined as hell. He picked up a strand of grass, drawing on one of his chakra control exercises and strengthening & hardening it to make it resemble a senbon.

Over the course of the week they also learnt that Inari was an excellent aimer , mostly from throwing darts at Gatou's face. He peaked round the corner, pulled back the strengthened grass strand and threw it as hard as he could. The grass strand dug deep into the samurai's neck, fortunately for the young boy, knocking him out cold. The other samurai yelped in surprise. "Gomi!" He shouted, before searching for the source of the attack, dragging Tsunami around the corner with him. He searched around but found nothing, growling angrily.

"I know your there!" He shouted, dragging Tsunami by the ear as he walked. "Come out come out!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile, Naruto & Hinata were severely pressuring the boy in front of them. The boy side stepped Naruto's drop kick, but that resulted in him losing all feeling in his right arm as Hinata jabbed many tenketsu.

Good thing he could do one handed seals.

He jumped back, quickly running through seals. "1000 Ice Needles!" He murmured, water in the air condensing and freezing, surrounding Naruto & Hinata in all directions.

"Hinata, Combo attack 4!" Naruto said, quickly spinning wind chakra around the both of them. Hinata then flipped through some seals.

"Flame Palm Technique!" She murmured, slamming her right hand into the dome of wind, which quickly became a tornado of fire, surrounding them. They were licked by the flames, but were protected by Hinata's layer of protective chakra.  
Outside, the needles all simultaneously slammed into the flaming dome, subliming instantly due to the heat. Naruto utilized the hot steam, flipping through handseals to make a dozen balls of boiling hot water, which the masked boy barely dodged. The said boy then flipped through more handseals, creating a dome of ice slabs around the two.

"Here…I am in my domain…but I will not kill you." Haku said, emerging from a mirror.

Naruto smirked, quoting his Holy Book. "O Ye Log Worshippers, be Brethren." He walked up to the boy, hugging him fiercely.

"Blessings of the log upon you!" Naruto exclaimed. Hinata just sighed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Zabuza found himself in a tricky situation, immobilized by the boy's shadow techniques and just one inch from being neutered by a vicious, green snake.

"Oh what a scene!" A slimy voice shouted, both a blessing and a curse for the missing nin. "You missing nin cost too much," He shouted, surrounded by over one hundred & fifty men. "And since all you ninja are tired out from your battle, I'll just kill you all!"

Zabuza glanced at Anko, who was wondering whether to release man or not. "Did I tell you that Gatou has an illegal log shipping company, decapitating entire forests of trees every day?"

Zabuza flinched at the killing intent, but was distracted as the ice dome suddenly shattered, Naruto standing behind it angrily.

"What did you just say?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Inari sat on the balcony, pondering his next move when a mouse scurrying to the side distracted him. And gave him an idea.

The samurai had stopped moving, but his head snapped towards the sound of the rock as it hit the floor. Another rock in another direction had him moving, searching for the culprit. Dragging Tsunami with him, he peered around the corner.  
*DINGGG*

The sound of the pan reverberating on the Samurai's head was music to the young boy's ears, and as he was reunited with his mother all felt safe again.

"I-Inari! I'm so proud of you!" Tsunami murmured, ruffling his hair and relieving him of the pan as she hugged the boy.

"Mom…" Inari could only say, before a gurgling sound from the half unconscious samurai drew their attention. Deftly wielding the pan, Tsunami wacked him again, giving him a bruise worthy of Tom & Jerry.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shikamaru release Zabuza – you know the saying, The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Anko & Naruto walked forward slowly, Hinata, Shikamaru and Zabuza all slowly making their way backwards.

The log frowned upon needless bloodshed, and that was the only thing preventing the would be bloodbath of everything infront of the duo. It became a trio as Haku joined them angrily, two daggers of ice in either hand.

"For your crimes against the Log, Gatou…" Haku began

"We will not kill you." Anko said, before smirking sadistically.

"You will suffer a much, much worse fate." Naruto said, laughing evilly.

"Whoever brings their heads will be paid quadruple!" Gatou shouted, watching as his men cheered.

Naruto just laughed, activating a jutsu with no noticeable effect. Anko heard him murmur 'Flash Fist.' Wasn't that a taijutsu style, not a ninjutsu?

She quickly saw what Naruto was doing, his palms a blur. Naruto slammed his palm into the stomach of the first bandit, bringing his left hand infront of the man's face and releasing chakra for the Flash Fist technique. A burst of light left the man screaming, blinded.

As if on cue, all the men charged, Haku & Anko attacking simultaneously. The three log worshippers decimated the crowd, leaving them all alive but unconscious.

Gatou had began to run, but the three caught up with him. He couldn't even try to blind them before Anko & Naruto both wove a genjutsu on him.

Anko's made him feel and see as if he were stuck in an empty concert room, strapped to the chair – but that wasn't the devastating part.

Naruto's end of the torture began, and Gatou began to scream as he heard what Naruto's horrid genjutsu was doing.

"_**You get the beeeeeeeest of both worlds**_

_**Chill it out take it slow, then you rock out the show!"**_

"N-no! I'm sorry, make it STOOOP!" Gatou began screaming.

"_**Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds!"**_

"MAKE IT GO AWAY! OH GOD , NO! PLEASE!"

**_"The best, the best of both worlds!"_**

*Two hours later*

**_"It's a party in Konoha_****! Thanks everybody!"**

By the end of the two hours torture, Gatou was a blubbering mess, his personality locked deep inside his brain to protect his sanity.  
As if that had worked.

Hinata looked at the log worshippers, knowing exactly what they had done, and she felt sorry for the poor man. Tazuna asked her what exactly what they had done to make him scream like that for two hours nonstop (having stayed the whole time with pop corn). When Hinata whispered in his ears exactly what they did, he shivered violently.

"Y…you're brutal!" He said, pointing accusingly at the trio standing in front of him. Anko just smirked.

"Never cross the Log."  
**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Alright there we go.

I noticed I've been focusing only on the events surrounding Team 8 and have not been developing in any other directions, but I'm now trying to do that

As you can see, Haku is a male, so that rules out NaruHaku.

NaruHanabi could be a possibility, but only later in the story.

I'd also like to say something – I do not have a definite plan. It may seem unprofessional, stupid, but I have _not planned out this story._

I'm improvising as I go along. I personally don't find myself comedic, but even when I am humorous, the funny only comes out as I'm writing, not if I plan in advance. Oh sure, I have some specific things planned out, like Naruto's meeting with Itachi & how they'll beat Hidan (which is hilarious ) But other than that no, no specific plan.

Which is why when I get a review saying, "Man you should make Kurenai a log worshipper," It's possible (But atm, Kurenai + Log is very unlikely.)

Thanks for the reviews guys Log shaped cookies to all of you!

For some reason, there are two days inbetween each exam, and since I've studied everything already (and am just doing some past papers) I'm finding a lot of time to write. And draw. I'm no artist but I've drawn Anko, Hanabi, Naruto , Haku & Yamato as I imagine them My scanner's broken but at some point I'll go to my friend's house and scan it there.

I'm also sort of planning out another story which will hopefully be released throughout my holiday :D  
Thanks to AnothVortex for another log quote which will be used later Special thanks to him for the cyber cookie too.

_**The Holy Book of Log was created by ThirdFang , and I apologize for not crediting him previously D: Thanks a load thirdfang, I love the idea and am having a bunch of fun writing about it! **_

P.S Why do people put disclaimers? Could we actually be sued or anything for writing fanfiction?

P.P.S Reviews - or I'll set Hanah Montana on you too!


	10. Chapter 10

"Ino, you're bleeding!" The blonde haired woman exclaimed, rushing to her exhausted daughter. Blood caked her fists, lending to the overall rather scruffy and worn out look of the dirt covered Ino in ripped clothing.

Every day for three weeks the same routine had repeated over and over – It had taken a week for the shock of Sasuke's original rant to wear off, but soon it was replaced with a fierce determination. No longer would Ino wait three hours in the morning for her sensei to arrive , scheming of ways to make Sasuke fall for her – no, the only falling Sasuke would do would be face flat on the ground in a vicious sparring match.

Don't be mistaken – he was still the love of her life, but love comes in many ways, and Ino was going to deliver hers with lots of sweat and blood. While Kijotane had opposed her daughter's tough training, Inoichi had been proud that she was finally taking the shinobi world seriously, even spending some time to teach her himself.

However the said blonde man was not present this time to high five his daughter for her excellent attitude – he was busy elsewhere.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ahahaha!" Naruto shouted, laughing. "I can't believe you disabled two fully grown samurai with some grass and a frying pan!"

Team 8 sat with Inari on the table, eating lunch silently, screams of pain entertaining the background. Anko was busy … extracting…relevant information from the samurai, while Haku was upstairs reading the Holy Book of Log. Somehow, Tazuna had convinced Zabuza to help finish the last parts of the bridge, leaving team 8 at home.

The first day after the death of Gatou had been nonstop celebrations, confusing the young blonde. How on _earth_ did you be poor one day, scrounging for the slightest hint of wine, and popping bottles the next?

Despite the celebrative mood, Inari had instead trained with Naruto, knowing he would lose his teacher for quite some time. After the meal, Shikamaru pulled out a shougi board, playing with Hinata in the cool breeze of the forest while Naruto trained (beat the hell out of) Inari.

Several hours later, smelling of soap and fresh shower water, the three males and one female were relaxing in Tazuna's garden when Anko called for a meeting. Inari reluctantly stayed in the garden while the rest of team 8 met Haku, Zabuza, Anko & Tazuna in the kitchen. Tsunami served them all cups of tea before leaving to chat with Inari.

"Alright then," Anko said, sipping her tea. "We need to decide what to do with Haku & Zabuza."

The two of them were about to protest, but Anko continued, "We can either leave them be, most likely never see them again. Or…"

"Actually Anko-san, I would like to join my fellow Log Worshippers in Konoha." Haku announced, drawing a huge smile and a pat on the back from Naruto. Anko considered it for a moment – Haku had a strong bloodline and potential for greatness, and just that would be enough to get the elders at the council orgasmically hyperventilating.

"But what about Zabuza?" Shikamaru asked, looking at the bandaged man.

"Pff," He snorted. "I'm not going to Konoha."

Haku was torn for a bit – he had discovered the log and did not want to lose his new friends, and was also sick of life on the run , but he didn't want to abandon Zabuza anytime soon.

"Haku," Zabuza began. "I know you've discovered the log, do not want to lose your new friends and have been sick of life on the run, but don't want to abandon me,"

'_Am I that obvious?'_ Haku thought incredulously.

"But I think you should go to Konoha. You can start a new life there, be with your log worshippers, perhaps find a girlfriend…"

"But what about you?" Haku asked.

"Well…I have an idea." Shikamaru muttered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tsunami had long left Inari to stare at the stars, but the boy was broken out of his reverie when he was dragged on to his feet by a rough hand.

He found himself face to face with a growling , bandaged face, but refused to show emotion.

"Alright kid. Time to get you a Zanbatou."

Inari had a bad, bad feeling about this.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"They are becoming a powerful faction here in Konoha and we cannot allow such division in our ranks!" Homura exclaimed.

"Powerful faction?" The Hokage snorted. "Honestly, it is a small religious group of merely four people at the moment. How is that a powerful faction?"

"Have you not felt the havoc they are wrecking on us?" Koharu replied. "Just yesterday a jounin was found tied upside down by his TESTACLES, two inches from a pit of snakes!"

"We should exile them!" A council member stated angrily.

"So you propose to exile my daughter, one of the top jounin, our second most skilled interrogation shinobi AND a friend of the Hyuuga?" Hiashi said, borderline angry.

"Exactly my point. Further discussion is intolerable." Sarutobi announced. "In fact, it's pathetic we were called for a meeting for this. Apologies to those who _actually have things to do._"

Most of the clan heads nodded in appreciation, leaving.

"_I'll get you, you bastard log worshippers!" _Danzo screamed inwardly, old furies coming to surface.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Team 8, plus Haku, left for Konoha.

"What shall we name it?" A citizen asked as they faded into the distance.

"How about the Great Bridge of Wave?" Tazuna suggested.

"No!" Inari shouted. "We shalt name it the Bridge of Log!"

"What?" The citizens asked, confused. Tsunami face palmed, watching as the chaos unfolded.

"And the willow sayeth unto the ninja," Inari began quoting, watching as the crowd hushed in silence.

"Wherefore dost I weep?'Tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. The log ist thine ally, and mine kin. Calling upon the log, is to call upon me. To aid thee in battle, I weep my tear of joy.

And the ninja spoke: yea, thee and thine kin shall forever be blessed among me and mine kin. For thine bravery will never be forgotten."

A stunned silence followed, before the crowd erupted in chatter.

By the end of the day, Inari was sitting in a circle with ten other citizens, teaching them of the log and praying together.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It took two days of flitting through trees to get to Konoha, whence the team instantly went to shower then brief the Hokage on what happened.

"Great job team 8," The Hokage praised. "Now…Haku was it?"

"Yes sir."

"Why do you wish to join Konoha?"

"The Log approves of brethren sticking together."

The Hokage sighed. "Alright then…Could you give me a quick demonstration of your abilities?"

The tea the Sandaime had been drinking instantly froze, before rising up and sculpting itself into the shape of the log.

"Alright then, Team 8, you may leave. Now, Haku… Later I'll be having a meeting with a council , at which point I'd like you to…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before Haku was cleared for duty, given an apartment and sent on his way. However, Naruto & Anko were enraged to find that the bigots on the council had decided to make Haku a genin AND make him be a single man team.

They had not wanted to make him a chuunin, even though upon being tested by Tsume he was stated to be low jounin level. Seeing as he was so talented, he should be able to ace a chuunin exams solo…right?

After a long session of log meditation, at which point Haku was introduced to Yamato & Hanabi, who were given details of what occurred, team 8 were sitting idly on a field, waiting for their sensei. Haku was also waiting, having decided to stick around with team 8.

Anko arrived soon afterwards, but she was not alone, Asuma being dragged close behind. "Alright team, I'd like to introduce you to Haku's sensei, Asuma."

"Logs blessing upon you," Naruto & Haku intoned simultaneously, while Hinata & Shikamaru stuck to more common greetings.

"Alright kiddo," Asuma began. "I'm gonna have a one on one spar with you to test your abilities, if that's alright."

"Sure," Haku replied, jumping far away from team 8 so as to have some space.

"Wait. Let's make this more interesting," Anko shouted after them. "Me, Asuma & Shikamaru against you three maggots."

Naruto smirked, sharing a glance with Hinata, while Shikamaru groaned. The two sides faced off, beginning at some unspoken start.

Naruto threw two kunai at Shikamaru, before creating a wooden torch. Shikamaru groaned as it lit up brightly with one of Naruto's camping jutsus, realizing his shadow abilities would be mostly useless.

Seeing as he wouldn't be using Kage Mane or any derivations, he quickly summoned 3 darkness clones, closing in on Hinata. Anko meanwhile found herself face to face with Haku, batting away senbon with her blade axe as she ran forth to him. She began a fierce battle of taijutsu & kenjutsu with the teen, who with an almost feminine grace easily dodged and counterattacked.

Asuma found himself facing the blonde boy, dodging mokuton attacks as he closed in. The black haired man pulled out trench knives, surrounding them with wind based chakra as he attacked.

The blonde seemed to see through his trick though, dodging that little bit extra to avoid the deadly chakra blade, before counterattacking himself with his whip. Asuma dodged, watching as the whip morphed into two wakizashis as Naruto pulled it back.

The spar lasted nearly two hours, fighters switching opponents as they fought. Asuma as rather impressed with … everyone, especially the blonde child and his own genin teammate.

"Alright maggots," Anko shouted, calling everyone close. "The chuunin exams are coming up and you're entering."

"Aren't you going to ask us if we want to?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah, where I'd instantly jump to the chance of proving myself?" Naruto asked.

"And I'd come along even though it's really, really troublesome?" Shikamaru added.

"And I'd come because they're coming?" Hinata finished.

Anko had no idea where they got these crazy ideas from, but laughed nonetheless. "Fine, do you want to enter?"

"Well DUH!" They all replied, taking the forms and filling it in.

"Now Haku…" Asuma started. "From your abilities I think you'd be able to enter and have a solid chance at winning. Furthermore, if you stuck around with team 8, you could work together to help accomplish each other's goals."

Haku quickly signed the form, thus becoming the first one man team to ever enter the chuunin exams.

Ohwell. The log would protect him, right?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kakashi stared proudly at his students, hiding it behind his mask and his book. Sakura had just learnt her fifth genjutsu, Ino was butchering a training dummy with a nodachi and Sasuke was practicing a fire jutsu.

After the girls' transformations nearly a month ago, the team had got on much better. He wouldn't lie and say they had perfect team work, but they were performing excellently compared to what he called the Pre-Sasuke-PMS days.

With that in mind, he went up to them and offered them a chance to be in the chuunin exams.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kiba, Shino & Chouji stood waiting for their sensei to finish talking about the responsibilities and difficulties of the chuunin exam, but the three of them were all eager to enter and without a doubt they signed and stamped their forms.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I, jounin Mitarashi Anko, nominate my genin team of Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Hinata & Nara Shikamaru for the chuunin exams." The proud log worshipper handed her forms in, before standing at the rear of the hokage office.

"I, jounin Hatake Kakashi, nominate my genin team of Uchiha Sasuka, Yamanaka Ino & Haruno Sakura for the chuunin exams." The lazy man also handed in his forms, not staying around for the rest of the entries.

"I, jounin Sarutobi Asuma, nominate my genin team of Haku for the chuunin exams." The man felt odd nominating a single genin, but nevertheless he gave in his forms.

With a curious glance towards Asuma, Kurenai also began to speak. "I, Yuhi Kurenai, nominate my genin team of Aburame Shino, Akimichi Chouji & Inuzuka Kiba for the chuunin exams."

The Hokage began to fill in the appropriate paperwork, chewing gum as he signed the paper.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto was strolling down the street when he heard a strangled yelp from a nearby alley. He quickly jumped in, finding a small child held upside down in the air by a hand of sand.

"They are not testes," the red-haired boy controlling the sound said monotonously. "It is a gourd. Take it back."

"Oh my log," Naruto shouted, "Put that poor child down!" Tentacles of wood snaked out to the boy, and oddly as soon as they touched the sand, Gaara would seemingly lose control of the sand.

He was awed and slightly worried that someone could disable him so quickly. Perhaps this person could show him his purpose…

"The Log frowns upon murder," Naruto said as more tentacles of wood disabled more and more sand. "Why doest thee spill the blood of thy brethren? Is this not a perversion of the logs protection unto man?" The blonde quoted, piquing his audience's interest.

"Tell me more," The brown haired child whom he had recently rescued begged.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two hours later…

"All hail the log, protector of protectors!" Konohamaru hailed.

"You are fools! Your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!" Gaara declared. The two infront of him shook their heads pitifully.

"You have been denied the log for a long time, sandwalker." Naruto replied, sadly. "We cannot force you to see the glory of the log, but know this. When the time comes, and you have no other allies to call upon, the log will hear your prayers, and aid you."

Gaara grunted, turning to walk off as he said, "You will fulfill mother's lust for blood, log wor-" He was interrupted as his sand caught a flying black object, fine grains of the yellow material opening it to reveal it as the Holy book of Log.

"Food for thought, sandwalker." Naruto said, walking off with his new disciple.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Genjutsu," Sakura whispered as they neared the door. Wisely, Sasuke immediately veered to the left, going up another flight of stairs, his teammates close behind.

He walked into a large room filled with countless teams of ninja, but the most annoying was the bright blonde towards the left side of the room conversing with his teammates.

"Hmph, Dobe." He said as he walked towards them. "This test isn't for amateurs, go home."

"The Log's curses upon you," Naruto spat. "Besides, you're one to talk – you have no hope passing the chuunin exams if you couldn't even get through genin."

"Shut up baka!" Sakura screeched. "We're better than that now."

"Yeah, Naruto," Shikamaru said dryly. "Sasuke is so skilled that the only blood he could get on himself would be that of his enemies…"

"Damn right," Sasuke said.

"…or from inbetween his legs." Hinata finished.

Sasuke let off a breathless squawk, and was about to retaliate before the doors shut with a loud *CLANG*

"Hinata, headcount?" Anyone late was screwed by now, but a quick scan of surroundings showed Hinata what was up.

"Twenty seven Konohan teams, one Sound team, two Grass teams, a mist team, nine sand teams, seven rain teams and two waterfall teams. That's discluding Haku-kun, making a full 153 candidates."

"ALRIGHT MAGGOTS!" A manly voice shouted, scarily resembling Anko in the way he held himself and, apparently, spoke. "Whoever's not in this room with their SCRAWNY ASSES planted on a chair within the next 20 SECONDS will be _DISQUALIFIED!"_

The teams scrambled into the room in a disorganized rush, the unfortunate mist team actually being disqualified due to missing the 20 second mark. The proctor then began to hand out test papers in an agonizingly slow manner as he explained the rules.

"Each of you worthless bugs have 10 questions and 100 minutes to answer them. Each candidate has 10 points, and if you are caught cheating you lose two points. If any single member of your team reaches 0 points, then you're disqualified."

Immediately a blonde sand kunoichi spoke up. "There are only 9 que-"

"-stions because the tenth will be given after the time finishes. Speaking of which, you have…42 minutes left."

With a gasp of outrage, the all started to work. However, they all turned to the proctor, confused.

"This paper's screwed up!" Kiba shouted, displaying his paper. He attempted to write in pen, only for the ink to dribble down the paper and drip off the side, as if it was made of plastic. He then tried pencil but the graphite just flew off in an explosion of grey sparkling dust as the pencil touched the paper.

Instantly Ibiki homed into the blonde boy, whose hands were held in an odd seal. The scarred proctor walked up to the boy, pulling his hands apart. Instantly, residues of blue ink were absorbed into Kiba's paper.

"This is blasphemous!" Naruto shouted. "How would you like it if someone mutilated you into pieces, sat on other pieces of your body and wrote on your testacles?"

Ibiki flinched as was about to … 'convince'…the boy to let the exam continue when suddenly all the papers dissolved into nothingness. The genin in the room let off shouts of protests, but the door opened, revealing several chuunin carrying stacks of tests printed on rice paper. As they were given out, one man handed Ibiki a note.

'_Dear Ibiki-kun,"_ read the Hokage's elegant writing.

"_I forgot to inform you of possible sabotage if use of log paper is prominent. Do not fret however – the desks are metal."_

The man groaned. The test was ten minutes late because of one stubborn child, but nevertheless, he shouted some more and began the test.

Naruto began to read the exam, before stifling a gasp. He knew it would be hard but this was _impossible!_

'_Explain in detail, using examples and diagrams,'_ he read_, 'The inner workings of a female mind. Your answer should be essay length."_

With a barely perceptible growl, Naruto began to write.

'_The first and most important thing to take in to account when concerned with the workings of the female mind is the volatile and dangerous phenomenon called PMS. While some are under the delusion of believing this stands for "Premenstrual Stress," it has been proven that it actually means "Punch men senseless…_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto ran out of things to say by the sixth paragraph, as he found himself going in senseless circles, contradicting himself and often rambling on about things of no relevance – in other words, an accurate depiction of what the question required.

However, the rest of the questions were too hard to answer, and though he had given a valiant, if hopeless, attempt at the first question, he'd have to do what was obviously the intention of the exam – cheat.

It was so simple. He could see Sasuke close by, possessed by Ino who was writing the answers for him. He felt out for the wood from which his pencil was made, offering a prayer of forgiveness to the Great Log. As his chakra touched the object, he immediately got an accurate feel of what Sasuke was writing. With a smirk, he also began to write.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shikamaru was unable to think of a way till Hinata tapped her pencil a couple of desks away. He immediately caught onto her plan, his shadow taking a long and convoluted route to her desk so as to keep out of sight from the proctors (his shadow was hiding in the shadows, so to speak). As soon as it reached Hinata, he relaxed, allowing her to control him instead. As his hand wrote the words over the paper, he allowed himself a small smile.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Haku had at first worried, but seeing an ingenious Konoha duo using mirrors to communicate answers, he set up a small block of ice over his hand. After some careful maneuvering he caught the light of the bun-haired girl's mirror, and with a smirk he quickly began to copy.

Ibiki was kicking teams out left and right, and though the puppet boy's rouse had been obvious, he let it pass. The man could've punished the teen, he decided to let the log worshipping blond do so in his stead – it would be just _that_ much tastier and popcorn worthy.

The hour & forty minutes couldn't have ended quick enough, and as an ominous gong rung, he scanned around. It seemed that approximately 110 candidates were left.

"Alright the tenth question – but be warned. Failure to answer this question will ban you from ever becoming a chunin. Ever." Ibiki said, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. Immediately the room erupted in angry shouts.

"What? How can you do this?" The dog boy shouted angrily.

"This is MY exam, and while here you play by MY rules and I AM GOD!"

"The log is, infidel!"

Ibiki ignored the shout, preferring to let the room sweat. "Any who wish to save their sorry carcasses should leave now."

Several teams began to leave.

"I-I can't take this! Sorry Asumi, Shiore!" A grass genin stuttered, leaving the room. The ninja named Shiore let off a positively terrifying killing intent, leaving the room dead-set after her soon dead-teammate.

Soon only 26 teams remained, leaving Ibiki with the task of announcing the pass of those present and deal with the resultant noise. However, he didn't get a chance as a purple blur smashed through the window, landing to reveal Anko.

"What are you doing here Anko? You're a jounin sensei, you're not even legible to be a proctor."

"I know." She stated simply, scanning the remnants of the teams.

"So…why in the name of Kami's breasts did you do that?"

"I felt like it."

"But you interrupted my dramatic climactic speech." Ibiki replied monotonously.

"Oh stop bitching, I'm sure no one here wanted to hear it," The violet haired lady replied carelessly. Team 8 just smirked at their sensei's antics. "Bla de bla, you pass, shut the fuck up and get to training ground 37 before I skin your asses with a spoon." That combined with a bit of killer intent was enough to get 90% of the teams moving, the exception of course being team 8 and Gaara's team, and few other individuals such as Sasuke.

They all followed the purple haired jounin, who led them to another building surprisingly, where Gekkou Hayate awaited them.

"Alright prospective chuunin," He said, drawing their attention from the examination of the stark white rooms. "You will be placed under a genjutsu and under the effects of specific machinery to monitor your activity as you are placed in a combat simulation program, via said genjutsu." That was all he said, before he picked two random teams, sending each to a specific room while Anko helped with preparation. Technically she wasn't a proctor but no one else was willing and/or free to help.

Around ten minutes later, one team exited the building while the other went to a specific waiting area. Sasuke's team was soon in, pitted versus a sand team, but soon Sasuke, followed by Ino & Sakura, emerged, heading towards the waiting area.

Gaara's team emerged victorious in little under 3 minutes, and soon Naruto found himself being led in with Hinata & Shikamaru close behind.

They entered a similarly decorated (or lack of, so to speak) room, split into three segments. Wires and various gizmos were strapped to their bodies, each team member in a separate segment. Gekkou quickly began to explain.

"Alright, you will be pitted against…a rain team. They will have a scroll which you must get. If you don't get the scroll in ten minutes, they win." He then applied chakra to a vast genjutsu seal under each candidate's feet, causing them to fall in a coma-like state.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The three team members found themselves appearing in a large grassy area, Shikamaru already analyzing how to use the various landmarks and objects to help attack the fort up ahead. They discussed for a quick ten seconds, before rushing forth.

Shikamaru split off, leaving Naruto & Hinata to scale the stone walls using chakra. They soon arrived at the top, both instantly dodging the hail of kunai which attacked them, courtesy of a trap. The inside of the fort was surprisingly simple, consisting of a single large building – seemingly a dojo – and a large pool of water in front of it.

The two of them jumped down, Naruto already flipping through handseals. As he uttered the name of a jutsu, a large amount of clones appeared – numbering to about 300. They all ran forth, seemingly with no plan, but that was not the case.

The clones would easily disperse on one hit, which is what inspired Naruto's pseudo-combination jutsu. Each clone flipped through three seals as they approached the building, activating a simple fire jutsu. As soon as a clone got within destruction range, it turned the jutsu on itself.

While this would technically be useless with shadow clones, it was an effective tactic when used with the Wind clones. Each explosion of wind was augmented by the fire, creating mini bombs of fiery destruction.

The rain team rolled out the entrance, coughing from the heavy smoke and flames, finding themselves facing the two genin.

"Hah," one said, holding an umbrella. "You don't stand a chance!" He threw his umbrella in the air as Naruto & Hinata neared, hundreds upon hundreds of Senbon being released. However, they were scattered as Hinata instinctively used a kaiten, the glowing blue chakra protecting herself and Naruto.

The rain team waited, ready to attack as soon as the blue chakra disappeared, but they had no chance. Two logs appeared from nowhere, flying towards the team – and with loud thumps and exponentially louder moans, the two male members of the rain team fell, hands holding their pained crotch. The last female member laughed haughtily.

"Such dirty tricks will not work on m-" To Hinata's amusement, a log between the legs also had the female member on the floor crying. Shikamaru then arrived, emerging from the ruins of the building with a slightly charred paper, on which there was the kanji of "Release."

He activated it, thus releasing the genjutsu.s

"Good job," Gekkou applauded. "With a record timing of two minutes, you pass to the next stage. Good luck!"

XXXXXXXXXXX

Haku was pitted against the other rain team, whom he vanquished easily, seeing as all their water based jutsu were simply frozen by him, and that he outclassed them in all other areas. He swiftly joined his friends in the waiting area, where team 8 were in a corner by themselves, Sasuke & Co ™ glaring at their backs.

"Haku! The log hast truly blesst thee!"

"Ye, for if it wast not the Log's intent for me to emerge victoriously, I would surely have been vanquished."

"Hey to you too, Haku." Hinata said lightly.

"Oh…Blessings of the Log upon you, Hinata, Shikamaru."

"You think you can win, dobe?" Sasuke sneered , Ino & Sakura right next to him.

"If the log wills so," Naruto replied serenely, annoying Sasuke with his calm.

"Don't be so naïve! The Easter Bunny doesn't exist, the Tooth Fairy doesn't exist AND THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND DOESN'T EXIST!"

"What's England?" Shikamaru whispered to Hinata, who shrugged.

"Alright then Sasuke, I know an excellent place for you known as Tjany Almahy…" Naruto announced.

"Tuja-what?"

"A mental institution in Earth country."

"Wha-You bastard!" Sasuke shouted – mental problems were a sore spot, seeing as he had once read his medical files. He had cursed his psychiatrist every name under the moon and a few above it, refusing to return to the man.

Sasuke rushed forwards, attempting to punch the boy – however, a hand of wood appeared from the ground and grabbed his arms.

"Don't…ever touch me, heretic."

"You and your _stupid log-"_ He gulped as the icy feeling reached his crotch, looking down to find his entire lower body encased in ice.

"Don't insult the log, infidel." Haku growled in a dangerously cold voice.

"How am I an infidel huh?"

"'Curse thee, sacrilegious fire bearers,' The Log hast said in anger as another of its children were mutilated and disrespected." Naruto began to quote. "'I damn thee to a life of treacherous deeds and an afterlife neither in hell nor in the Forest of Life, but betwixt the two, in Limbo , house of the Damned.'"

Sasuke growled angrily and was about to attempt another attack when the last team walked in, followed by Gekkou.

"Okay then, genin. There is a remainder of 12 teams, which is rather impressive. Seeing as that's 36 contestants, which is too much for the last stage, there will be a preliminary match right now."

Hinata looked around – it seemed that 6 Konohan teams had passed, including her own team, Team 7, Team 10 and Neji's team. Both the waterfall teams had passed, as had Gaara's team and another Sand team. The remaining teams were the Sound team and a grass team.

"We will have team vs. team matchups, using a random drawing system. Now follow me!"

They all walked through a few doors and a couple of corridors, finding themselves in a large arena with balconies for the sidelines. "Could everyone please make their way up to the sidelines?"

They did just that, joining their various senseis as Gekkou received a hat full of team names. He shook it a bit and said, "Okay then! First match – Team Gai versus Team Kubi."

Team Gai jumped down, facing the other team. "I did not wish to face another team of Konoha!" Lee exclaimed with tears. "But this shall be a youthful battle!"

Team Kubi were demolished, leaving the arena unconscious as Gekkou began to draw the next team. "Team Gaara vs. Team Misumi!"

"This is weird," Shikamaru stated. "Teams of the same village are being pitted against each other…"

Team Misumi didn't stand a chance…and they weren't shown as much mercy as team Gai showed to Team Kubi. They left the arena as cleaned up blood on mops.

"Team Gaara wins!" Gekkou stated unnecessarily. Sasuke's team ended up facing a team from grass, and although it took noticeably longer than the other teams, Team 7 won in the end. The sound team faced off against a waterfall team and emerged victorious, while Team 10 effectively beat the other waterfall team, passing to the next round.

That left only Naruto's team and the team of a silver haired Konohan shinobi, Haku having received a pass due to being ineligible for this round.

"Begin!" Gekkou shouted. Team 8 instantly stood back to back as the other Konohan team circled them. Shikamaru whispered something to Naruto, who nodded and made two dozen clones to attack their opponents.

Watching the resultant fight was enough to give Shikamaru an accurate depiction of the enemies abilities. One of them had elastic arms and legs, allowing him high maneuverability and agility – so best paired off with Hinata. The other could drain chakra, so Shikamaru was most likely the best response for that. The third was more unknown, but from his chakra levels, Shikamaru could tell he was jounin level alone.

As if the enemy had read his mind, Kabuto began to bark out orders. "Yorui – take the Hyuuga girl. Misumi, attack the Nara – I have the blonde."

They each attacked their respective enemies , but unfortunately they couldn't fight effectively. Team 8 didn't stick to a single enemy, rotating as they fought and filling in for each other's weaknesses.

Shikamaru ducked Misumi's palm, watching as it was smacked away by Hinata's jab – most likely disabling a tenketsu point. The Nara boy turned to the left, uppercutting the man's head with a nasty crack. Naruto meanwhile ducked under Kabuto's fist, sweeping his legs from under him.

Kabuto was the only real challenge – the other two were quickly disposed of. Team 8 turned to the silver haired genin, who smirked, pushed up his glasses and raised his arm. Team 8 stiffened, poised to dodge an attack – when the boy forfeited.

"Team 8 win!" Gekkou announced, before calling all the victorious teams down. The teams all jumped down, surprised at the sudden arrival of none other than the third hokage.

"In 30 days," He said, chewing gum. "You will be pitted against each other in three-way battles. It was originally intended to be one versus one, but this batch must be exceptionally skilled, seeing as we have so much contestants. Now, the battles will not just be about winning and being promoted – all the most important figures from across the lands will be attending , and so they will move their services to whomever they see has the best ninja. Now, the fights will be as such – Gekkou, if you please."

The man began to read from a paper.

"Ahem.

Round 1– Kiba vs. Neji vs. Hinata.

Round 2 – Uchiha Sasuke vs. Tenten vs. Aburame Shino

Round 3 – Kankuro vs. Naruto vs. Zaku

Round 4– Haruno Sakura vs. Tsuchi Kin vs. Sabaku no Gaara

Round 5 – Dosu vs. Rock Lee vs. Haku

Round 6 – Nara Shikamaru vs Yamanaka Ino vs Sabaku no Temari

Akimichi Chouji will receive an automatic by and will face the winner of round 6. Good luck preparing."

The candidates all began to chatter, eying up their opponents and making training plans. Naruto began to exit with the rest of team 8 when he encountered Kankuro on his way out.

"Say, Kankuro…What is that on your back?" Naruto asked, twirling a kunai with his finger.

"Oh a puppet." Kankuro jumped as Naruto's face went deathly cold, the kunai in his hand crunching to scrap metal with a sickening crunch. He gulped – that could be his bones!

"This is the ultimate, heretical defilement of the Great Holy Log. You will pay for this crime upon all things moral in this world."

And with that, Naruto left – and everyone could suddenly breath as his killing intent left with him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**OMAKEEEE! :D WARNING – STRONG IN-YOUR-END-O! (Innuendo)**

Team 8 eyed their opponents, who wasted no time rushing to attack.

"Watch as my strong, flexible appendages pierce you!" One of the genin said as his arm extended forth. The hand at the end formed a fist as it rushed towards Hinata.

"I shall not allow you to enter my mouth!" Hinata shouted as she dodged.

"Don't worry Hinata, it is too limp to penetrate you!" Naruto shouted as he dodged Kabuto's fist.

"I am too hard for you to beat," Yorui announced, attacking Shikamaru, who was too slow to dodge. "Ha! I am on top of you now!"

Shikamaru punched him viciously and got up as the other genin fell away. "Ha! See who is erect now!" He flipped through some hand seals , his shadow extending. _'If I cannot capture him with a frontal result,'_ He thought, _'I will have to attack from the rear.'_

"Let us increase the pace," Naruto said, attacking his enemy. Kabuto dodged, pushing up his glasses.

"I shall emerge on top!" The silver haired man shouted, throwing a kunai at the blonde.

"Pfft, you didn't penetrate me this time!" Naruto replied, throwing a chunk of wood.

"That is too blunt to enter me properly!" Kabuto shouted. Naruto growled, flipping through handseals as a huge dome of wood surrounded him. He rushed forth and began to fight.

The crowd outside couldn't see anything , but they could hear grunting sounds – as well as their voices – coming from the wood.

"Oh my it's so large!" They heard Kabuto shout. "You'll rip me in half!"

"That's the plan," Naruto replied in a sarcastic voice.

Gekkou watched in mild amusement, but was brought out of his reverie by Kurenai. "This is disgusting proctor – you should end this match."

"I don't quite think they've reached their climax," He replied monotonously.

Hinata ducked under the hand, batting it away with a chakra filled palm. "I will not allow you to grope me, filthy pervert!" She threw two kunai at him, and unfortunately the man couldn't dodge.

"Oooh, double penetration," Gekkou commented.

Shikamaru's shadow finally connected with his opponent's, having outsmarted the man and capturing him when he couldn't see it.

"Pff," Shikamaru snorted. "I captured you with a mere rear assault. You weren't hard enough for me."

Shikamaru and Hinata bound their respective enemies and huddled them to a corner.

"Wow, I didn't know they were into BDSM…" Gekkou said, dodging a slap from the nearby Kurenai. Now all attention was on the dome. They heard a ripping sound.

"That was my favourite shirt!" Kabuto whined.

"Yeah well those were my favourite trousers!"

'_What the …'_ Most of the crowd was thinking. Except Sasuke of course, whose thoughts were more along the lines of, _'Oh this is hot…'_

"What a big, long shaft you have!" Hinata guessed Naruto had taken out his sword again.

"All the better to pierce you with…"

"I'm coming for you!" Kabuto shouted after a few more minutes of grunts and moans of pain coming from the dome.

"Yes, this fight has been building up in intensity to a glorious climax!"

"GET A ROOM!" Kiba shouted.

It went on for ten minutes until finally it ended, the dome being absorbed by the ground. Naruto's entire lower body was encased by wood, seeing as Kabuto had accidentally ripped his trousers off half way through. Said silver haired genin was topless – mostly at least. His shirt had been ripped to shreds, and worst of all was that he was walking oddly since Naruto had cut him on the thigh – however he did forfeit.

"Team 8 wins…" Gekkou said.

"What we just did will keep me up for long nights," Kabuto exclaimed.

"Yes! You must think of a strategy so that I am not on top next time," Naruto replied.

"Yes, let's do this again sometime…"

Eventually – a few years down – team 8 watched the video of their exam. As was Anko's recommendation, they took popcorn.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Okay then!

This chapter is dedicated to my inexplicably awesome, funny friends – Goat & Meerkat. No I won't disclose their real names :D But just know that they are very awesome. And inspiring! This chapter wouldn't be out till Friday if it wasn't for Goat's urgings.

Anywho – I don't think there was enough funnies in the chapter and after rereading the omake it's very…meh

I NEED A BETA! BETA BETA BETA BETA BETAA! I want a beta reader and you want beta writing so we will all come out on a beta side if I get a freaking beta D: I've made requests without getting replies and so on and so forth, but meh. Even if there is a beta who does not wish to beta for this story, I have another one which will be less-funnies and more-srs-buzniss - if anyone's interested I can perhaps disclose the plot in a PM.

ANYWAY! I LOVE YOU MY AWESOME REVIEWERS! LOG SHAPED COOKIES TO YOU ALL!  
"The **difficulty** with this conversation is that it's very different from most of the ones I've had of late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees."

That quote (Douglas Adams) …ahh I just felt it was so ideal.


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